Writings: Or; What I have to say at the moment

2004-01-19T11:35:00.000-08:00

ah...here we are once again. i writing in this stupid thing. and you reading it.

when you were five and playing in the playground with all your childhood friends...did you ever think at the grown-up age of 16 that you'd be reading some schmuck's little dohickey on the computer?

or how about when you were yet again at the same age of 5, did you ever think you'd be doing the things you're doing, i.e. smoking, fucking, swearing, or drinking?

or do you ever think that, by god, i've only got a year or two left of high school and i've still done nothing with my life. all i do is sit at home, stroke myself, and eat on occasion?

it's sad that things rarely turn out like you'd expect them too.

it really is.

when you were a kid you never knew such a thing as sadness or being pissed off. you knew what being grumpy and fussy was like, but never so far as to know depression and anger. and i miss that. it was blissful back then.

now it seems like you have to make up your mind, are you pissed, are you sad, or are you some kind of happy loser? and while on the subject of happy, no one's happy anymore. they're just not sad or pissed off. think about all the times you'd consider yourself "happy"...i rest my case.

and now in these older ages it takes more to get us to the "happy" state. remember in third grade when you used your first curse words. you only used them to your friends. it was fun. it was a trip...it was like your first orgasm.

now you have to use them every other sentence, just because they're part of your limited vocabulary. some of us, myself included, still don't use them in front of our parents. but its not the same as it used to be. hiding curse words from your parents used to be a game. now it's a chore to keep those bad words in the stealth.

oh well...

fuck it, keep up drinking and the pathetic lifestyle. keep up the smoking, the stroking, and the toking. swear for fuck's sake. get mad at being happy and in turn get sad at getting mad at getting happy.

...but whatever you do with that little life of yours, keep on a-readin' my stupid internet dohickey.

2004-01-10T10:01:00.000-08:00

"if it wasn't for bad luck,
i wouldn't have no luck at all..."

-albert king

man i hurt all over. i did a "gig" the other night. actually a did a gig last week and one again this week. fun shit. we did i'm alive, 1776, and fade to black last week. this week i was asked upon to do one (jesus harold christ that's a fucking hard solo) and my star spangled banner. so yes, after i was done with my star spangled banner i went into the crowd and we had a good time...i tell you guitarists get all the chicks...picked up 3 phone numbers by the time...

after about an hour or so it was time to do one...i was a bit hesitant to do this song because i had only finally gotten the solo down just that day. but it went off without a hitch...and yet again i got major "props" for me ol fast fingers...got more phone numbers at this point....met up with my friend natalie...hadn't seen her in god knows how long.

but yes. so my fingers hurts, my back hurts, and thanks to my stupid shitty chucks without insoles...my legs hurt. and in a few hours i have to go to a birthday party...fun. so now i have to go spend 20 of my fifty bucks that i made last night buying him a cd...joy.

but yes...school has blown teachers have turned against me...especially my history teacher...because she's always fucking wrong. i have to point out to her that it was 1917 when they de-czar-ed the czar...but it wouldnbe til 1918 that they would kl him (i know its pathetic but fuck you). she's also been fucking with my grade...i had a 94 in that class...and somehow while still doing all my work it has been brought down to a 78. i hate her so much.

a good thing is that all over the school in a matter of like 3 days i became a very infamous person for my satire on suicide. apparently in one english class a teacher is using it as a study of a satire...scary shit.

but yea.

what else can i tell you people since i don't actually use this for myself. in fact no one does. i don't know why they call these stupid things journals. in fact i don't even like the word journal...its a stupid euphemism. see let me show you how it works. they used to be called diaries. but it was faggish for a guy to say he wrote in a diary. so he said he wrote in a journal...that shows that he has emotions but he's not a fag. well fuck you. you write in a diary...get over it.

but these things aren't diaries, diaries are something you keep to yourself so you can reflect upon them later in life...they are not websites in which you bitch about stuff or say how much your life sucks to people whose attention you want desperately... all these things are, are stupid meaningless websites created by stupid meaningless people living stupid meaningless lives complaining about stupid meaningless things.

not that there's anything wrong with it. it's actually comforting knowing that if i say "woe is my life" and write some stupid god aweful poem about death pain and suffering with no rhyme meter or rhythm that people will show me a fake sense of caring that i need in order to feel better about myself because i can't accept the fact that i'm a douche bag with nothing better to do.

it's great...

well i guess that'll do for now...so til next time....

2004-01-03T20:21:00.000-08:00

"sometimes its alright, but most of the time i just feel like poisoning everyone..."

2004-01-01T23:27:00.000-08:00

i realized today that its the new year...probably because it was the end of all the good marathons...

i've been up for nearly i'd say a week now...haven't eaten...girlfriend broke up with me...probably have pneumonia...got it when i went walking out in the snow...actually i started walking first and the snow happened to arrive later...so i pretty much feel like a good steaming pile of shit...great way to start off a new year.

and i was thinking...i've never made new year's resolutions...i never thought they'd be necessary...i still don't in a sense, but i figure if everyone else is doing it that makes it alright...liking fucking and doing drugs...

ok so here's my new year's resolutions.

1. I will make myself happy, even if its at the expense of someone else's pain and misery...i never let a little suffering get in the way of me being happy...

2. i will say what i want when i want...if people don't want to hear it i say they've got the option to stab themselves in the ear with a screwdriver just like the rest of us...

3. i will not however jerk off while running...

4. i also will never try to have sex with a blender...again...

5. i will only wash my hands after i'm done using the rest room if i shit on them...which i guarentee only happens 2-3 times a week...tops..

6. i will never commit suicide because why should i put myself out of my own misery when i could put someone into theirs...

7. i will never eat a peach ring...

8. i at some point will drink caffienated milk.

9. if i puke in a public place, especially a crowded one, i will not apologize for it, not only that, but i won't acknowledge it either.

10. i will try not to get stabbed.

11. i will not have a nice day...i'll have good, decent, and shitty ones...but no longer will they be nice.

12. i will not eat i cannot believe its not butter.

13. i will also not watch the movie prancer.

14. i will however watch falling down atleast once a month and wish i could do that...just once...

and finally...

15. i will not go to a leather bar with 200 heavily armed, wildly drunk, exconvict, sadomasochistic butch lesbians and climb on the bar and yell at the top of my lungs "which one of you sweet little cupcakes want the privilege of being the first in line to suck me off? if you're the lucky one, and you give me a real good blow job, i might do you a favor and throw you a quick fuck and let you cook me a nice meal. C'mon line up, you repulsive cunts, and i'll change your sexual orientations. ...i dare you to cut of my balls..."

definitely won't be doing that.

but then again what do i know, its a new year, new things to see and do. i could wind up dead at a street corner because i was on my way home from buying milk...or i could end up paralyzed and wishing to god that he'd put me out of this miserable hell...then again i could also wind up with a millionaire with a 10 inch schlong...

i guess the point isn't not knowing what's coming up, but to also not plan for it and go with the flow. live for the moment in the moment i suppose...

2003-12-23T08:51:00.000-08:00

what the fuck?

i'm gonna screw the introduction and get right to the point...why the fuck are people becoming vegetarians? it seems to be the cool new thing to do apparently.

one of the main reasons people are becoming vegetarians is because they want to fuck a vegetarian chick...or because they're girlfriend is a vegeterian...(women do rule the world you see...they've got us [us meaning guys] both figurativiely and literally by the balls).

another reason, and the more bullshit reason, is that they feel badly that they're eating what was once a living thing. god forbid that vegetables, if you will note, are also living things...

now i question this reason...i don't understand how they feel bad about animals dying and being eaten...i mean shit its only been going on since animals have been around. they certainly don't feel bad about the thousands if not millions to billions of people that work their entire life in piece of shit places at a fractional percentage of minimum wage...til they die of exhaustion or starvation...i guess i can even understand that...who cares if jose works himself to death...but bessy the cow...if she goes i'm done...well bessy's gonna go plow from sun up til sun down for little more than chicken feed...the animal's life will be reduced to nothing more than walking, shitting, pissing, eating, and sleeping...

...but as long as i don't eat it it's alright. only fruits and vegetables for me. though come to think of it...over 50% (i think it's some number around 60% actually) of all destroyed forests are actually caused by farmers...killing all the animals in said forest so people who don't want to eat animals can be vegetarians...

and if i wear the flesh of the animal its still alright...i mean that goes without saying...the only thing wrong with it is eating.

now what kind of shit is that? people are lying sons-a-bitchs. they know they love the taste of death. we all do. we're savage mother fuckers who love the taste of some poor animal whos been kept in shitty conditions...fattened up...slaughtered...cooked...and put right in front of us. we love it.

i've got no problem eating a baby cow either...shit i'd eat a baby if you cook it right...

vegetarians might mean well...but their attempts are in vain.

why let some cow give its life to plow you up a potatoe when it could live a decent free life...and towards the end of it...die...and feed the hungry...?

why let some poor guy just trying to feed his family work himself to death and eventually lead to the death of his family because he has to pick cucumbers out of the ground for snobby white trash?

death is what makes life worth living...death is what makes life possible...without one you couldn't have the other...so be damn greatful you're part of it...

2003-12-19T18:57:00.000-08:00

merry fucking christmas.

i know i haven't written in a while, and there's less than a snowball's chance in hell that anyone still reads this...but...i feel the need to write...so...

today...friday...holy shit what a day. day started off as shit...found out that a song i had been writing for hte ol girlwirliefriend (yes i do have one...it's not just me dressed up in a skirt going oo oo oo all about...) i found out that this very song, the one i had been writing, was torn to shreds by a piece of shit dog who's teeth i wanted to kick in. so damn...that blew.

i realized that my day was going to be shit at that point...

so i walked to the bus stop...to await the bus...which by the way, my cool bus driver had not been there for awhile because he was sick or some such...so for about two weeks i've been having shitty bus driver after shitty bus driver. it was a plesant suprise to learn that my normal kickass bus driver was here...(there is a god)

so i don't lose all hope for the day at this point.

i go to school...go to electronics...get some extra credit and make fun of some people at the same time...good times were had by all...

went to geometry...meh...how fun can it be...its geometry...

walking in the halls my friend gives me the first gift i've ever received at school ever...

went to the class i despise, world history, not due to the subject but the teacher...the single worst teacher ever...we're talking *ever* people. but ate and stole a lot of stuff from there. had a good time actually...

went to guidance...got to play mario.

went to physics...knew what the teacher was talking about for once...(actually this is the second time)...and i didn't get called on...oh well. and i got to see a cool picture of two trains colliding.

went to lunch...played some stuff on the piano. people knew mario but not hendrix...yes i do infact go to atech...

after that went to pe and watched the end of remember the titans...once again...i go to atech.

went to journalism and had some fun in there...got to listen to my music...good stuff...

went to spanish finally...meh...that class is alright...i think i liked it today actually.

after school hung out with the ol groupies...then went to the bus...it was a fairly blah bus ride. threw flan at a bus at rancho.

then started my walk home. now let me tell you for a moment about a pack of jackoffs that need to die. the people who have nothing better to do than to honk their horn and flick someone off...its sad enough that these people are blasting crappy music near an elementary school but to honk you horn, at someone you don't know, and flick them off...man don't these people know the beauty of masturbation? and its the holidays no less...where's people's goddamned holiday spirit?

this year it doesn't feel like christmas...there's something about this year...is it too warm? too sunny? too...too...what? there's something wrong here...but i just can't see it. every year since i was a little kid coming up to the day of christmas was like...well...for lack of a better example...coming...you know it'll get here...but you get that much more excited the closer it gets...you can feel it and feel it...closer and closer it draws near....and BAM mother fucker you've got yourself one big orgasm of a holiday...afterward...it's basically jsut a big mess that you hate cleaning up and you think it wasn't as good as last time...but you still enjoyed it.

this year however somethings wrong. or atleast it doesn't feel right. christmas is only 6 days away...and well...it feels months away. i don't know what to say or how to fix it...well wait, i might. let us once again go to my coming example. after awhile it all becomes the same. you know how long it will last, how to do it, you've basically got it down to a routine. there's no excitement. no nothing.

what we need is some shit to catch us with our pants down (both in the coming sense and in the real life sense). spice it up a litt.e have someone blow a church up. light some people on fire...give people that fear. its that fear in both coming and in real life that makes it worth living. makes you greatful for what you have, what you can do, and what people are giving you.

so have a merry fucking christmas goddamn it.

2003-10-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

people need to learn to become better liars or learn to tell the truth...either way.

there's a pack of jack-offs...you might know who they are...they constitute a good deal of atech...so i'm sure you've met atleast one. these jack-offs seem to really like to lie...lie their asses off no less. just about the stupidest things. they really want to impress...and since the only impressive thing they've ever done with their lives is beat a few video games they feel it necessary to come up with other stuff as well.

let me give you an example.

just the other day two kids were talking about guns. one was saying how his dad had a gun. it was like a 9 mm or something...but it was locked in something in the garage. the other person how ever said that they had atleast 10 of their own guns. he was talking about how he had a 20 gauge rifles and a 58 caliber shotgun. he also said that he had a rifle from the revolutionary war that he had appraised and the guy said it was worth "i think he said" 2.8 million dollars (he said the "i think he said" part) but he wouldn't sell it because it was a family heirloom...but he then later said all it does is sit in his closet.

let us refer to person number one. you can't very well tell if they're lying. sounds very conceivable. could be a flat out lie but the point is that it sounds real.

the second person made several key mistakes. several. the first is the number ten...you can't just say you have ten guns doesn't sound real. sounds too rounded off...sounds like it was planned. odd numbers are always good. and as low as possible. he could have got away with anything from 3-7. and when going for the higher numbers of 5,6, and 7 you should use an "about" or "i'd say about" something that would lead you to assume that it could be that number. even going with ten you could use about and you could get away with it.

next mistake. if you're going to lie know your information. he said a 20 gauge rifle and a 58 caliber shotgun. let me tell you a little something about guns...shotguns are rated in gauge...the lower the gauge the bigger the barrel. it can be assumed that he was tyring to impress with the size of his guns as well as the bridth. so even if he meant a 58 gauge shotgun...that would be tiny...i'd say it would have the firing power of a pea shooter.

he made yet another mistake when saying he had a rifle from the revolutionary war. when question if he actually meant rifle he was certain... however rifles were not around during the revolutionary war. muskets were. this could be but a simple mistake...he said it was a family heirloom so what the heck maybe he could be telling the truth.

though he made one fatal mistake in that lie...he said he got it appraised....for "i think he said" 2.8 million dollars. no one just forgets that someone appraised something for 2.8 million dollars. $2,800,000!? you just don't forget that...nor do you stumble on it. not only that but he said it simply sits in his closet. something worth almost 3 million dollars doesn't sit in a son's bedroom closet.

The first person is fine in the lying department. the second person needs improvement. he could have said this and could have been more believable.

"yea i have a few guns. i'd say close to 10...8-10 around that area. i've got a pretty big shot gun and some rifles. (hunting? sport...some excuse as to why you have the guns in the first place would be appropriate here) I've even got this one musket, well it's not mine so much as it is my family's it being and heirloom and all. it's from the revolutionary war. (you would simply leave out its appraisal value). It's pretty cool. too bad all it does is stay in our closet...but i mean seriously would you trust anyone to be around a musket that old without being afraid they'd steal it?"

when lying it is always good to ask questions and refrain from details. say as little as possible of sensible words...fluff can often be your friend...or it can be demise...use it well.

this was but a brief summary...i might recap on this later...but learn to lie will ya?

2003-10-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

123 things to look out for throughout your day...

1. anal rape
2. quicksand
3. body lice
4. evil spirits
5. gridlock
6. acid rain
7. continental drift
8. labor violence
9. flash floods
10. rabies
11. torture
12. bad luck
13. calcium deficiency
14. falling rocks
15. cattle stampedes
16. bank failure
17. evil neighbors
18. killer bees
19. organ rejection
20. lynching
21. toxic waste
22. unstable dynamite
23. religious fanatics
24. prickly heat
25. price fixing
26. moral decay
27. hotel fires
28. loss of face
29. stink bombs
30. bubonic plague
31. neo-Nazis
32. friction
33. cereal weevils
34. failure of will
35. chain reactions
36. soil erosion
37. mail fraud
38. dry rot
39. voodoo curses
40. broken glass
41. snake bites
42. parasites
43. white slavery
44. public ridicule
45. faithless friends
46. random violence
47. breach of contract
48. family scandals
49. charlatans
50. transverse militias
51. structural defects
52. race riots
53. sun spots
54. rogue elephants
55. wax buildup
56. killer frost
57. jealous coworkers
58. root canals
59. mental fatigue
60. corporal punishment
61. sneak attacks
62. peer pressure
63. vigilantes
64. birth defects
65. false advertising
66. ungrateful children
67. financial ruin
68. mildew
69. loss of priveleges
70. bad drugs
71. ill-fitting shoes
72. widespread chaos
73. stray bullets
74. runaway trains
75. chemical spills
76. locusts
77. airline food
78. shipwrecks
79. prowlers
80. pirates
81. bathtub accidents
82. faulty merchandise
83. terrorism
84. discrimination
85. wrongful cremation
86. carbon deposits
87. beef tapeworms
88. taxation without representation
89. escaped maniacs
90. sunburn
91. abandonment
92. threatening letters
93. entropy
94. nine-mile fever
95. poor workmanship
96. absentee landlord
97. solitary confinement
98. depletion of the ozone layer
99. unworthiness
100. intestinal bleeding
101. defrocked priests
102. loss of equilibrium
103. disgruntled employees
104. global warming
105. card sharks
106. poisoned meat
107. nuclear accidents
108. broken promises
109. contamination of the water supply
110. obscene phone calls
111. nuclear winter
112. wayward girls
113. mutual assured destruction
114. rampaging moose
115. the greenhouse effect
116. cluster headaches
117. social isolation
118. Dutch elm disease
119. contraction of the universe
120. paper cuts
121. eternal damnation
122. the wrath of God
123. PARANOIA!

have a nice day...

2003-10-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

"bright eyes...blinded by fear of life"

cool song...

hmmm let's see what is there to write about that i haven't actually taken the time to write about yet? well first we must explore the topics i have written about...

sex, love, death, suicide (what a cheerful beginning eh?), people, people that suck, stupid people, people who deserve to die, music, lots of music, other people's "blogs," war, stereotypes, racism, books, guitarists, my day, this kind of leaves me in a situation in which i have nothing else to say.

well when you think about it...everything's already been said and done. we (the people) have been here for a good 200,000 years...thats more than enough time to have done everything and do it again and again.

and i somehow have the audacity to think i can write something original...man i suck.

it's often been said that if you stick a hundred monkeys in a room and make them type on a hundred typewriters that they'll eventaually make Shakespeare....

...but when you think about it. a hundred monkeys...randomly typing at let's say 100 letters per minute...just to create the line "something wicked this way comes" would take atleast hundreds if not thousands of years to simply get the one line in its correct order with correct spelling. think about it...randomly bash your keyboard...go ahead...and see if its anything close to shakespeare's sonnets.

so maybe everything hasn't been done. maybe there is one topic that i haven't written about...a topic that no one has written about...but what?

let's see...beans? no apparently John Raven beat me to it. umm how about the evolution of the hammer...damn that Abe Cytrynowski...i could write a play about a town that has to pay to pee....damn Urinetown thinks it owns the place...

hmm well what else is there to write about? there's got to be something no one has ever written about, something that people long to hear or read as the case may be. but what? i'm sure me telling you the lack of originality isn't somethign you'd want to read...kind of boring...but wait...that's it...

it (as far as i know) has never been written...that is to say no one has ever written about my lack of originality or new ideas. yes what a grand topic.

but when you think about it...why do we need to be original? i can understand the need to be different (as stupid a concept as it is) but wouldn't it be more important to be good at what you do even if it was done that good before you? the point is you are still good, even if Abe Cytrynowski did write about beans before you did.

point being, it's not always about originality...maybe it's just about doing something that makes it worth while...even if you're not good at it, nor by any means original either...enjoy something because you like it, not because you think you were the first to do it.

2003-10-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

wow...

well. let's see i'm sitting on a chair in front of my computer with cd cases spewed around it, a pack of guitar strings right over there...a ruler...a compass, no in fact two compasses (the sharp kind) some paper with incohernt jargain written on it....hey there's my Yes album...roundabout...good stuff...though i'm actually listening to my brand new Blind Guardian cd...Live. it's great...Vahalla...deliverance...good stuff. there's some tabs that i wrote on my good ol surplus office max yellow paper (10 for like a buck...) let's see what it is...(grabbing my bass beside me [good ol Rosemary]) ah its the tab for my vertigo song...crazy weird shit arpeggios for that thing...it'll be cool if i can ever find someone to play it at the speed i want. yep you certainly do care...made it through all the shit without stopping...you must care.

let's see...talking to a few shit heads here and there. their numbers seem to grow by the day. oh well. ah so how are you? tired? hunger? or are you just fine and dandy like good fucking candy?

either way...you obviously still come to this site of mine. good for you.

i plan to post more later...and i suppose the only way you'll be able to find out is to come back more often. so you just try your hand at that and see how it works out...

til then...

2003-09-21T12:49:00.000-07:00

not much to talk about lately. let's talk about what i plan to do in the up and coming weeks.

Octobet 10-12 Renissance Festival. Gonna see if my friend will let me borrow his acoustic guitar so me and michelle can go around singing The Bard Song by Blind Guardian.

October 17 The new version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre comes out. Looks just as awesome as the first one. Just don't know if they can match the old leatherface...but maybe they can. Either way i'm gonna see it.

October 26 Rumor has it Midnight Syndicate might make an appearence at the Black Box.

October 27 ICED EARTH'S GLORIOUS BURDEN COMES OUT!!! Oh it's gonna be great. it has a 32 minute long epic...oh god (pelvic thrusts)

October 28 Midnight Syndicate's new album comes out as well.

That'll about do it for now.

2003-09-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

Angel Marie Belmont
April 1, 1991-
September 11, 2003

My dog. My poor poor dog. She now rests with the angels.

most people are insensitive bastards. one of my teachers even went so far as to not so much as ask me or hope that i will get better...no no no...she told me to get better. bring the old barry back she said. we missed the other barry. where's the fun barry?

what's the last fucking thing i'd be wanting to hear?

i've noticed this a lot lately. its not whether i feel good. i don't think it ever has been, but more over it matters if i can make other people feel better by making a completely fucking moron out of myself on a daily basis. i don't even have to try anymore. i could say any damn thing and people will laugh at it. i could compose a sonata and people wouldn't care, they wanna hear a dead baby joke. they'd rather be disgusted by me rather than impressed.

where's the old barry? i don't know. i killed him? yea that would fit the whole death motif now wouldn't it? god forbid i not feel good for one day. you think one person cared? no one asked what was wrong or why i was humm humm humming sad sad songs. and do you think anyone gave a flying rats ass that i felt bad? no, not a damn one of them.

i've noticed what i have become. i hate it. i'm not me for the most part. i seem to have to have a perverted comment or a stupid idiosyncrasy. i seem to only be here to please others. and others are to give not one crap about the damn person doing it.

when april died no one cared. they wondered why i had a name on the back of my backpack. they asked why i had it...constantly. april i would say was my girlfriend. i loved her very much. she decided to kill herself. oh, they would respond. and go about their business not giving on solitary slovo of remorse, regret, or even at the very least, some pity.

and who am i to ask for some pity? certainly no body. or atleast no body to care about. we can make fun of the hippie though. and look he's down in the dumps, he can't even defend himself. or doesn't want to. let's make fun of him some more. let's say everything he's ever tried at, he's failed miserably. but why stop there, let's tell the bastard he sucks. oh oh and why not call him a failure and a loser and a stupid prick bastard. he doesn't seem to care. oh look at that, he says his dog died and doesn't want to deal with this shit, well too bad buddy boy because we're in it for the long haul.

all i wanted was one day, one day to have to myself. can't you fuckwads give me one day?

no of course not. you're our marionette bitch. now dance. dance and entertain the people.

2003-09-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

spring shall never come again...

April Deruelle
December 14, 1987-
September 3, 2002

2003-08-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

E...x...t...e...n...d...t...h...e...c...o...l...u...m....n....

This is the story of my day
oh yes it is
this is how it all went down
it is it is it is
i've decided,
much abided
that if i did
this all in rhyme
i'd contain how excited
i am all the time.
now as you'll soon very well see
how this day was particularily great to me
you'll also note
that i'm not a boat
because all i needed was a rhyme there
and i've got long hair.
so back to my story
and back to my tale
because it's not very gorey
but it did turn me pale
pale from happiness
and pale for joy
pale for randomness
oi oi oi
yes that last line was stupid
but what can you do
i've been struck by cupid
and now i'll tell you.
but first i must remember
that's its august, not december
and that its a person's birthday
why that it is
its jenna-wenna-henna's hurray hurray hurray
its hers hers hers, and definitely not his.
so now let's sing
sing a song
bing bing bing
loud and long;
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to jenna
happy birthday to you.
now that we've sang
and that's out of the way
let's get to the good part
as i've been trying to say.
i spent the whole day with a girl
a girl? a girl!? a girl.
and had the time of my life
my life? my life!? my life.
we walked from barnes
and noble if you really care
but for no real reason
i mention i have long hair
we walk from here to there
and there to here
and all the while
i grin'd from ear to ear
i got her a cd
horrorshow to be exact
she's gonna love it
and that's a fact
she got me a book
that i plan to read
be right back
sorry, i peed
then i got her a shirt
iron maiden-the trooper
it's an awesome shirt
in fact its super
we sat in a love sac
for practically hours
holding and loving and laughing
even though the workers were "sours"
but overall
it was fun
but sadly
its almost done
with the end of the poem
and with her at home
the eventful day is over
over over over
why'd it have to end
fickle four leaf clover
that made no sense
and i spoke in past tense
though it did just now happen
and i am really that inept
i must examine every little detail
but not in depth
mainly due to how i'm lazy
and maybe partly crazy
but i should end this now
but how how how
and why would i want to
i'd like to tell you
though i can't
i must be way
and if it were up to me
i'd gladly stay
but bed beckons
and wearies call
so now to hit the hay
with a big fall
so here i go
you just watch me
oh good god
i had to pee
that's right, again
hey screw you
i've got a bladder
as if i were two
but i do hope you enjoyed my poem
it was great eh?
but now time to hit something
where's that hay?
sorry that was a joke
i know i know
sad wasn't it
so.....
time for bed
time for rest
what a heavy head
to lay on a breast
did i just type that
oh well
could be worse
could burn in hell
and that would suck
but holy fuck
this is long
so i'll end it now
or maybe here
but how
the end is near
fuck it
this is the end
no fancy rhyme
atleast this time...

2003-08-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

goodie goodie goodie goodie.

now that we're two days in to this lovely school year i believe it is time to let the bitching out. joy oh joy. set back, hurt yourself, and don't have a good time or something...sorry that was a failed attempt at a joke. moving on.

(you know i could delete that stuff up there...maybe i will....meh...but that would mean i have to delete this too...i mean...woo...a whole lot of work for something that i'm not even gonna delete...shit where was i? oh yes.)

first two days of school and i'm already tired of it. i mean sure i see a few good old faces...but most of them suck hard. let's get back to the motif of things and i'll describe it for you.

homeroom. full of douches and pansy-asses. enough said.

1st period. Electronics. This class sucks for the most part. Teacher seems weird as hell, and scares me. though i did get to yell AC/DC today...it's the little things in life really...

2nd period. Geometry. Teachers not actually half bad from what i can tell from two days. atleast its not kallaus....i hear he's ass.

3rd period. World history. it's olive i tell you...not oh-live-ee-A. if your name is spelled olive...its olive. that's one thing i'm getting tired of. if you're coming to a country that for the most part knows english then your name is going to said accordingly. your name isn't sh-th-eed, it's shithead. get use to it. as for the class. i hate it. oh well.

4th period. English. i took this over the fucking summer. dumbasses. so i have to get out of that today. and in a hurry. today we had to analyze poetry. its all bullshit really. i mean;

"her nipples were soft and warm
a baked golden, polished brass.
but when they got into cold weather
those motherfuckers could cut glass."

that doesn't mean jack shit, but the guy i have would say it would mean something like, its romance and beauty getting taken away and used for another purpose. pure and utter bullshit.

5th period. Applied Physics. And since i said next time i wrote i'd plug Maureen why not do it now, being that she's in my class. So Maureen HERE is your plug. but yes. teacher doesn't seem half bad, unfortunately i have to sit next to the miscarried spawn of satan. good god i think i'm gonna have to kill this person...well maybe not kill her...but if she were walking blindly through traffic i sure as hell wouldn't help her.

6th period. PE. Evans. Thank god. umm i might get out of it during the winter to take up bowling because i don't want to freeze my nipples off....wow cold nipples mentioned twice in one post...damn i am good. but yes. sadly there's a few douche muffins in there but over all its fine.

7th period. Journalism. Sadly most of the people i didn't like last year came back. But the new freshmen seem alright, so i'll make do. Let's see how many stories i can write this year.

8th period. Spanish. Well atleast its not hernandez. Problem is that it's hill. Good news is that hill's gonna have a baby soon and guess who's coming....that's right the only one who knows how to teach spanish. ms. holmes. good shit.

Then i have a bus ride. a god aweful one at that. But i get to ride Old Guy's bus to Rancho then i get on to mine. I hate it really. Thank god for the trusty ol handy dandy tape player eh?

there you have it. the beginning to the year ahead...ummm...cold nipples....(that's right three times)

2003-08-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

i can't think of anything more boring to read or write about on this blog than when i get a new musical idea.

i honestly think its some of the worst writing i have. its long, it's drawn out, it doesn't make too much sense to anyone who can't hear it, and to top it all off, who gives a fuck? right? right.

but...(and who didn't see the crack of this but coming from a mile away)...but....i'm gonna be writing about a particularily new treasure that is becoming closer and closer to my heart...that is to say musically.

it first started as an idea to use The Exorcist theme (tubular bells) in a song i was writing. it branched off from there and became something more; an entire song, devoted to The Exorcist. But i thought if i were to use just the same running theme over and over it would become annoying and for the most part suck the big one. I then was introduced to the Halloween theme. And that fit just perfectly right at the beginning. So from this point it was no longer about the exorcist but more over Hell. Sounded creepy and crunchy and big and heavy...with creepy high points and a mid-ranged solo in the middle. there was also like a little march of death as the interlude.

Now i have left it like this for a few days and i'm still not satisfied. So i started to toy around with the idea of combining vast amounts of horror movie themes. i saw Freddy vs. Jason the other day (with me bestest friend), and i have to tell you, it is a very fitting end for these two. i don't give a fuck what other people say...if you've seen all 7 Freddies and 9 Jasons (i do not count that Jason X bullshit...that was just crap) you'd like it. so many things are refernced and the killing is awesome. Jason kills like the moral psychopathic extremist he is and Freddy fucks with people to new heights. (i was writing about my song wasn't i....jesus it's not like i'm a fucking movie critic or some bullshit) I liked the way it all turned out, and being part of the Freddy/Jason cult i can say i was very pleased...

back to this song business. I mentioned the Freddy vs. Jason thing basically because it's got me excited about doing this song. a song...no....and Instrumental tribute to the greatest horror movies of all time. We start with the creepy Halloween....maybe even start with Jason's chic chic chic ha ha ha thing...and go into it. But from there a a chord voice laden bass backs it. From there a nice thudding bass line comes up followed by the guitars and drums and a march. From the march it goes back to the reduced bass line which has now progressed into the Jaws theme. Duuuh dunt...duuuh dunt. that takes a scale up while still hitting the thuddy-wuddy E like crazy where as the guitar does a sort of circular solo...sounds very cool. That all gets scalled down back to that march. From that march one guitar goes and does the Exorcist theme. The other joins it. The bass starts its interlude. One guitar works its way up to the middle section solo i wrote for the first song. that works itself upwards in speed till its back to the march again. this march how ever is led by the drums...then the bass comes in...(maybe i'll fix my bass up to take the lower B string so i can make it nice and loooow.)...from there we'll be taking an approach of The Shining. Maybe from there we'll be taking the funeral march....from that...funeral march of a marionette...or in laymen's terms...Alfred Hitchock's theme. The guitar will lead that one. It'll work itself up real high and then the two guitars will provide us with the Pyscho shower scene..wah wah wah wah thing. one guitar will at this point do a down ward arpeggio thing. it'll do it a few times up high and go all the way down where a tick tock like sounding guitar or bass will be waiting. then Freddy's hand (as i've come to call it) will be implied...a sort of screechy guitar sound. it'll all finish off with the theme of that march...and what'll come to light when the march starts to fade will be The Omen theme and a variation written by yours truly...

there you have it.

if you read any of that i congradulate you. i was bored out of my mind writing it as i'm sure you were bored out of your mind reading it. to think. in about 12 hours i'm gonna be getting ready for my walk to school...what a joy eh?

2003-08-20T09:02:00.000-07:00

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans and knaves.
Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs!
Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me...

God I have an obsession with Pirates of the Carribean. It's really not healthy. I mean i already have the soundtrack for god's sakes. Not only do i have the soundtrack, but i have also jammed to it on numerous occasions and already know how to play Jack's Theme on the bass. Good god man. Sad sad stuff.

Well as all of you, for anyone that comes here, know that ol school's gonna be starting soon. Joy oh joy. problem is that no one has gotten their bus schedule yet. And that is definitely not good, you think my parents would let me drive or drive me up to school on the first day? or at that you'd think they'd do it any day? its like 25 fucking miles...i might end up taking the cat bus. but enough about that. im sure you're tired of reading this as much as i am tired of writing it so let's on to something else shall we?

ah but i must tell you all, i am probably the happiest person alive right now. i mean, as most of you know me, i'm not the happiest person, but by no means sad either. just sort of comfortably numb to everything around me. but now, oh now, i'm happy. met a nice little lass during summer school and we hit it off. most people ask for a description of her when i talk about her and the best one i can give is "she's pretty much me as a girl." now that's not to say looks wise or anything. she's a very very pretty girl. gorgeous dark blue eyes she has. not like most of the people at atech whose face will even make a train take a dirt road...i among those, so don't feel to hurt ya pansies.

that's one thing i never got. why is everyone so hung up on looks? for years i've been trying to make a name for myself without the aid of looking good (basically i did it because i'm ugly...if i were good looking i would have taken the easier route). i honestly don't know why people's feelings get hurt when they're told they're not the prettiest things in the world. deal with it.

oh well.

i'm gonna go see her tomorrow. joy.

2003-08-16T15:58:00.000-07:00

They had first met each other in the ninth grade. They had always seemed to have a sort of warm comfort around each other, but never any talk of love.

Now there they were, nearly twenty. They hadn't seen each other in nearly a year. Yet early one afternoon, Jack knocked on Jill's door. Jill had a big magazine in one of her rookers, devoted entirely to brides.

"Jack," said Jill in utter astonishment and unexpected excitement.

"Could we go for a walk?" Asked Jack shyly. Jack had always been shy around her. Jack always tried to cover up his shyness with an absence of thought. Always putting up an act to please.

"A walk?" Jill questioned.

"A walk...one foot in front of the other..." Responded Jack.

"I had no idea you were in town--"

"Just got in this minute."

"Still in the army then, eh?"

"Three more months to go."

Jack now noticing the magazine of brides said, "Oh let me see the pretty book."

She gave it to him and said, "Jack, I'm getting married."

"I know," said Jack. "Let's go for a walk."

"I'm awfully busy," she said. "The wedding's in a week."

"Then we should go for a walk now. It'll make you rosy. You'll be a rosy bride. You'll be a rosy bride like her--and her--and her," he said while pointing out the rosy brides in the magazine.

Jill became rosy at the thought of all the rosy brides.

"That will be my present to Mr. Henry Collinsworth," he said. "By taking you for a walk I'll be giving him a rosy bride."

"You know his name?" she said.

"Yes, mother wrote," he said. "From Houston, eh?"

"Yes, you'd like him," she said.

"I bet," was his answer.

"Jack...can...can you come to the wedding?"

"Probably not."

"Why, does your military leave not last long enough."

"Military leave?" he said, still looking at the magazine.

"Yes, that's how you're here isn't it?"

"Not exactly, I'm what you'd call, 'on the run.'"

"Oh Jack, no you're not."

"Sure I am," looking at one particular picture."

"Why!?"

"You know I never understood why people would pay this much money to wear something once, than have it ripped off 'in the heat of passion,'" stressing the last bit of the sentence.

"Oh Jack tell me really."

Jack pointed out his thumb, imitating a hitchhiking motion.

"From where?" asked Jill.

"Fort McHenry," responded Jack.

"Washington?"

"That's right."

"Does your mother know?" she asked.

"I didn't come to see my mother," he said.

"Then who did you come to see?" she asked.

"You," was his simple answer.

"Why me?"

"Because I love you. Can we go for a walk...one foot in front of the other."

With that they were off.

Jill, angry, frustrated, and nearly in tears managed to get out, "Jack this is absolutely crazy."

"How so?" asked Jack.

"What a crazy time to tell me you love me," she said. "You've never talked like that before."

"Let's keep walking," he said.

"No," she rebuttled bluntly. "I won't go any farther. I shouldn't have come with you in the first place."

"You did."

"To get you out of the house. Just think what someone would thought if they heard you talking to me that way a week before the wedding."

"What would they think?"

"They'd think you were crazy."

"Why?"

Jill took a deep breath in preparation for a speech. "Let me say that I am deeply honored by what you have done. I can't believe that you're 'on the run' but maybe you are. And I can't believe that you love me but maybe you do..."

"I do"

"Well I'm deeply honored. And I'm very fond of you as a friend. But nothing more. Its too late Jack. You've never even kissed me." She protected herself with her hands, "Not to say you should do it now. This is just all so unexpected. I don't have any idea how to respond to any of this."

"Just walk some more. Have a nice time."

And with that they walked some more.

"How did you expect me to react," she said.

"How do I know how you would react, I've never done anything like this before," he said.

"Did you think I would just throw myself in your arms," she said.

"Maybe."

"Well, sorry to disappoint you."

"I'm not disappointed," he said. "I wasn't counting on anything. This is nice, just walking."

Jill stopped walking and said, "You know what happens next?"

"Nope," was his simplistic answer.

"We shake hands," she said. "We shake hands and part friends."

"All right. But, do please, remember me from time to time."

Involuntarily, she burst into tears. "You had no right to do that," she said, sobbingly.

"I had to find out," he said.

"Find what out? If I loved you? If I loved you I would have let you known," she said, still sobbingly.

"How?"

"You would have known, women aren't very good at hiding it."

And at that, he looked at her face and he began to believe what she said was true, he now saw it. He now saw love. And he did what he had to do, and that was to kiss her.

"You're hell to get along with," she said.

"I am?" he said.

"You shouldn't have done that, Jack."

"You didn't like it?"

"What did you expect? Wild abandoned passion?" She said with a mean bit of sarcasm at the end.

'What did I tell you? I don't know what to expect."

"We say good bye, that's what we do," she said.

"All right," Jack said with a sigh.

She took another deep breath for a speech, "I'm not sorry we kissed. We should have kissed. We've been so close to each other. I'll always remember you Jack."

"You too," said Jack.

"Thanks," she said.

"Thirty days," he said.

"Thirty days?" she asked.

"Thirty days of solitary for one kiss."

"I--I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be 'on the run.'"

"I know," he said.

"You certainly don't deserve a hero's reward for that."

"Must be nice to be a hero," he said. "Is Henry Collinsworth a hero?"

"He could be if time arose," she said. At this time it was as if the farewell had been forgotten and an uneasy walk became to emerge again.

"Do you love him?" he asked.

"Of course I love him!" she exclaimed. "I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't."

"What's so good about him," Jack asked with a school boy's innocence.

"Honestly!" She took yet another deep breath for a yet another speech. "There are numerous things good about Henry. And be it, there could also be numerous things bad about him. But that's none of your business. Do you have any idea how rude you're being? I love Henry and I don't have to argue it with you."

"I'm sorry," he said with his innocence tainted.

"Honestly!" she said yet again.

Jack leaned over and kissed her. He kissed her again because she had wanted him to kiss her.

They continued walking. Jill looked up at the street sign.

"How did we get so far from home?" she asked

"One foot in front of the other," he said.

"They add up, the steps that is," she said warmly.

They passed there old school. They heard the bells ring.

"You have to say good bye, Jill," Jack said with sadness.

"Every time I do, I seem to get kissed," she said warmly yet again.

As they walked towards their old school Jack sat down on the field. "Sit with me," he asked.

"No," she said.

"I won't touch you," he said.

"I don't believe you," she said.

Jill went and sat about twenty feet from him on a bench. She closed her eyes.

"Dream wonderful dreams of Henry Collinsworth," he whispered to her.

"What?" she said.

"Dream wonderful dreams of the husband-to-be," Jack said.

"All right I will," she said. She closed her eyes and caught glimpses of her wonderful husband-to-be.

Jack yawned.

All around the sounds of the city were buzzing like bees around them. When she opened her eyes she saw Jack was really sleeping. She let him sleep for an hour, all the time watching and adoring him with all her heart.

She heard the old school bell ring.

She then went over and knelt by Jack.

"Jack?" she said.

"Yes?" he said.

"Late," she said.

"Hello there, Jill," Jack said

"Hello, Jack," said Jill.

"I love you," he said.

"I know," she said.

"Too late?"

"Too late."

He stood up and stretched with a yawn. "That was a nice walk."

"I thought so," she said.

"Part company here?" he asked.

"Where will you go?" she asked.

"Hitch to town, turn myself in," he said.

"Good luck," she said.

"You, too," he said. "Marry me, Jill?"

"No," she said.

He smiled, stared at her hard for a moment, and walked away.

Jill watched him grow smaller and smaller. She watched him become but a silhouette in perspective to everything else. She knew that if he stopped, turned around and called for her that she would have no choice, but to run to him.

He did stop. He did turn around. He did call. "Jill," he called.

Jill ran to him, one foot in front of the other...

2003-08-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a little late with this, but I'd like to get a few licks in on this bogus topic before it completely disappears from everyone's consciousness.

First, I want to be really clear about one thing: as far as other people's feelings are concerned -- especially these "victim groups" -- when I deal with them as individuals, I will call them whatever they want. When it's one on one, if some guy wants me to call him a morbidly obese, African-ancestored male with a same-gendered sexual orientation I'll be glad to do that. On the other hand, if he wants me to call him a fat nigger cocksucker, then that's what it will be. I'm here to please.

If I meet a woman who wishes to be referred to as a motion-impaired, same-gender-oriented Italian-American who is difficult to deal with, fine. On the other hand, I am perfectly willing to call her a crippled, Guinea dyke cunt if she prefers. I'm not trying to change anyone's self-image. BUT! BUT! When I am speaking generally, and impersonally, about a large group of people, especially these victim groups, I will call them what I think is honest and fair. And I will try not to bullshit myself.

OK, so, who exactly are these victims? Well, first of all, I don't think everyone who says he's a victim automatically qualifies. I don't think a homely, disfigured, bald minority person with a room-temperature IQ who limps and stutters is necessarily always a victim. Although I will say she probably shouldn't be out trying to get work as a receptionist. But maybe that's just the way it oughta be.

I'm more interested in real victims. People who have been chronically and systematically fucked over by the system. Because the United States is a Christian racist nation with a rigged economic system run for three hundred years by the least morally qualified of the two sexes, there were bound to be some real victims. People who've been elaborately fucked over.

The way I see it, this country has only four real victim groups: Indians, blacks, women, and gays. I purposely left out the Spanish and Asians, because when you look at what happened to the Indians and blacks, the Spanish and Asian people have had a walk in the park. It's not even close. Not to downplay the shit they've had to eat, but in about one hundred years the Spanish and Asians are going to be running this country, so they'll have plenty of chances to get even with the gray people.

Let's get to some of these other non-victims. You probably noticed, elsewhere I used the word fat. I used that word because that's what fat people are. They're fat. They're not large; they're not stout, chunky, hefty, or plump. And they're not big-boned. Dinosaurs are big-boned. These people are not necessarily obese, either. Obese is a medical term. And they're not overweight. Overweight implies there is some correct weight. There is no correct weight. Heavy is also a misleading term. An aircraft carrier is heavy; it's not fat. Only people are fat, and that's what fat people are. They're fat. I offer no apology for this. It is not intended as criticism or insult. It is simply descriptive language. I don't like euphemisms. Euphemisms are a form of lying. Fat people are not gravitationally disadvantaged. They're fat. I prefer seeing things the way they are, not the way some people wish they were.

I don't believe groups deserve extra-special names. For instance, midgets and dwarfs are midgets and dwarfs. They're not little people. Infants are little people; leprechauns are little people. Midgets and dwarfs are midgets and dwarfs. They don't get any taller by calling them little people. I wish their lives were different. I wish they didn't have to walk around staring at other people's crotches, but I can't fix that. And I'm not going to lie about what they are. The politically sensitive language commandos would probably like me to call them "vertically challenged." They're not vertically challenged. A skydiver is vertically challenged. The person who designed the Empire State Building was vertically challenged. Midgets and dwarfs are midgets and dwarfs.

Also, crippled people are crippled, they're not differently-abled. If you insist on using tortured language like differently-abled, then you must include all of us. We're all differently-abled. You can do things I can't do; I can do things you can't do. I can pick my nose with my thumb, and I can switch hands while masturbating and gain a stroke. We're all differently-abled. Crippled people are simply crippled. It's a perfectly honorable word. There is no shame in it. It's in the Bible: "Jesus healed the cripples." He didn't engage in rehabilitative strategies for the physically disadvantaged.

So, leaving aside women and gays for the moment, I've narrowed it down to blacks and Indians. Let's talk about what we ought to call them, and let's talk about what the language commandos would like us to call them. And remember, this has nothing to do with the people themselves. It has to do with the words.

And, by the way, when it comes to these liberal language vandals, I must say I agree with their underlying premise: White Europeans and their descendants are morally unattractive people who are responsible for most of the world's suffering. That part is easy. You would have to be, uh, visually impaired not to see it. The impulse behind political correctness is a good one. But like every good impulse in America it has been grotesquely distorted beyond usefulness.

Clearly, there are victims, but I don't agree that these failed campus revolutionaries know what to do about them. When they're not busy curtailing freedom of speech, they're running around inventing absurd hyphenated names designed to make people feel better. Remember, these are the white elitists in their customary paternalistic role: protecting helpless, inept minority victims. Big Daddy White Boss always knows best.

Now, the Indians. I call them Indians because that's what they are. They're Indians. There's nothing wrong with the word Indian. First of all, it's important to know that the word Indian does not derive from Columbus mistakenly believing he had reached "India." India was not even called by that name in 1492; it was known as Hindustan. More likely, the word Indian comes from Columbus' description of the people he found here. He was an Italian, and did not speak or write very good Spanish, so in his written accounts he called the Indians, "Una gente in Dios." A people in God. In God. In Dios. Indians. It's a perfectly noble and respectable word.

So let's look at this pussified, trendy bullshit phrase, Native Americans. First of all, they're not natives. They came over the Bering land bridge from Asia, so they're not natives. There are no natives anywhere in the world. Everyone is from somewhere else. All people are refugees, immigrants, or aliens. If there were natives anywhere, they would be people who still live in the Great Rift valley in Africa where the human species arose. Everyone else is just visiting. So much for the "native" part of Native American.

As far as calling them "Americans" is concerned, do I even have to point out what an insult this is? Jesus Holy Shit Christ!! We steal their hemisphere, kill twenty or so million of them, destroy five hundred separate cultures, herd the survivors onto the worst land we can find, and now we want to name them after ourselves? It's appalling. Haven't we done enough damage? Do we have to further degrade them by tagging them with the repulsive name of their conquerors?

And as far as these classroom liberals who insist on saying "Native American" are concerned, here's something they should be told: It's not up to you to name the people and tell them what they ought to be called. If you'd leave the classroom once in a while, you'd find that most Indians are insulted by the term Native American. The American Indian Movement will tell you that if you ask them.

The phrase "Native American" was invented by the U.S. government Department of the Interior in 1970. It is an inventory term used to keep track of people. It includes Hawaiians, Eskimos, Samoans, Micronesians, Polynesians, and Aleuts. Anyone who uses the phrase Native American is assisting the U.S. government in its effort to obliterate people's true identities.

Do you want to know what the Indians would like to be called? Their real names: Adirondack, Delaware, Massachuset, Narranganset, Potomac, Illinois, Miami, Alabama, Ottawa, Waco, Wichita, Mohave, Shasta, Yuma, Erie, Huron, Susquehanna, Natchez, Mobile, Yakima, Wallawalla, Muskogee, Spokan, Iowa, Missouri, Omaha, Kansa, Biloxi, Dakota, Hatteras, Klamath, Caddo, Tillamook, Washoe, Cayuga, Oneida, Onondaga, Seneca, Laguna, Santa Ana, Winnebago, Pecos, Cheyenne, Menominee, Yankton, Apalachee, Chinook, Catawba, Santa Clara, Taos, Arapaho, Blackfoot, Blackfeet, Chippewa, Cree, Mohawk, Tuscarora, Cherokee, Seminole, Choctaw, Chickasaw, Comanche, Shoshone, Two Kettle, Sans Arc, Chiricahua, Kiowa, Mescalero, Navajo, Nez Perce, Potawatomi, Shawnee, Pawnee, Chickahominy, Flathead, Santee, Assiniboin, Oglala, Miniconjou, Osage, Crow, Brule, Hunkpapa, Pima, Zuni, Hopi, Paiute, Creek, Kickapoo, Ojibwa, Shinnicock.

You know, you'd think it would be a fairly simple thing to come over to this continent, commit genocide, eliminate the forests, dam up the rivers, build our malls and massage parlors, sell our blenders and whoopee cushions, poison ourselves with chemicals, and let it go at that. But no. We have to compound the insult. Native Americans! I'm glad the Indians have gambling casinos now. It makes me happy that dimwitted white people are losing their rent money to the Indians. Maybe the Indians will get lucky and win their country back. Probably they wouldn't want it. Look what we did to it....

2003-08-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

"Ist so der Fall von Menschlichkeit
So full of lies and deciet."

Thus is the fall of humanity.

i hope this to be but a prelude on what i plan to write over the next few weeks. It seems rather large and lethargic, so i've decide to spread it out.

Today we shall only give you a brief over view, that is to say what this "epic" will be.

I have worked for about a week on this particular subject. I plan to cover the areas that would be most relevant in my writing, and in yours no doubt. I will cover everything from pop culture to ancient myths, from latin to ebonics, from the old ren and stimpy to the new ren and stimpy, from this to that and quite possibly the other thing.

So be sure to check back often, because we all have to admit, we don't very well have anything better to do now do we?

2003-08-12T18:40:00.000-07:00

"She was living in a single room with three other individuals. One of them was a male and the other two; well the other two were females. God only knows what they were up to in there. And furthermore Suzan I wouldn't be surprised to learn that all four of them habitually smoked marijuana cigarettes...pfft...reefers."

Today boys and girls we're going to be writing about pot and some history about it. So let's get to it right?

Pot, weed, cannabis, Mary Jane, call it what you want, but we all know what it is, and what it can do. But there are also a few things that some people might not know that pot can do. Pot can be made into hemp to make cheap furniture, paper, and numerous industrial purposes can be added to pot's resume deluxe.

Now if you notice what hemp can do, that being paper and furniture and such, you'll notice that lumber, or trees, for you common folk, can also be used. Now let's talk about trees for a moment shall we?

Trees require many years to grow. They usually sap the soil of its nutrients after a while, and are very hard to maintain.

Now trees have their own business so to say. And it goes by the name, The National Lumber Association. And for a brief moment let's talk about the National Lumber Association. The National Lumber Association is one of the single biggest companies on the face of the planet. For every tree cut down, for ever 2x4 used, for every sheet of paper, they get money, thus making them very very rich. And they're in a field all their own, what else can be used in place of trees and wood for paper and industrial purposes?

Our dear old friend pot, that's who. Pot is a very unique in that it doesn't actually need much maintainence, its cheap to grow, easy to produce, doesn't take long to get to its full height, and, and, and, it doesn't have to actually be rotated when grown. Most plants and crops must be rotated in different plots of soil from year to year since they will eventually deaden the soil, the Dust Bowl taught us about that, whereas pot doesn't have to be rotated. In fact the longer you grow pot in a certain place the richer the soil gets.

So why is it, that this plant-of-all-trades, isn't used as often as it should be? I'll tell you why.

The National Lumber Association sponsered a movie called Reefer Madness in 1936. Reefer Madness is about how a nice southern daisy; a girl who used to get straight A's and was a perfect student, decided to take pot. While an anti-drug crusader lectures concerned citizens, the town's innocent teens are drawn into a vice-ridden web of reefers, jazz and the insanity they provoke. This then leads itself to numerous people, who happened to have taken pot, to die or go insane.

Now why on earth would the National Lumber Association sponser this movie? No it's not becuase they think pot is morally bad. No it's not because they want to rid the world of evils. Its because they want to corner the market. You don't see them sponsering anti-heroine movies do you? I don't see them with that new anti-crack blockbuster coming out anytime soon. It's so they can have the market of mainly making paper.

Have you ever seen the way paper is made? It's not a pretty process. Trees are shreaded into tiny bits, then mashed together with wood, until it's a pulp, then is pressed into long sheets, dried, cut to the paper as we know it, and shipped out. It's not pretty to watch, nor is it to smell. One resident of Minnesota where there are numerous lumber mills and paper plants commented, "You can smell this town 50 miles down wind on a good day."

And to think, pot can be used for air fresheners too...

2003-08-09T20:37:00.000-07:00

well i wrote this due in part to what i watched (and god aweful it was)...the 200 greatest pop icons of all time or something. and i figured that a lot of the people on there were out of place, so i'm gonna do my own version. the 25 most influencial people that i have come to know...

25. Harry Houdini. Mainly because he taught me to be smarter than the people that are trying to outsmart me.

24. Brent Trombley. This guy showed me what a good ass kicking in hockey really looks like.

23. Pagainini. Its not bragging if you can back it up. One of the all time great musicians of all time. This guy could play faster longer and cooler than pretty much anyone alive.

22. Miro. The only painter I can stand. Basically he taught me that it doesn't matter if it makes sense, as long as it looks good.

21. The Bundy's. The whole lot of them. Proving to me that there are other families like mine out there.

20. Geddy Lee. Hey maybe melody does have some place in rock and/or roll...

19. Kevin Smith. Swearing, drugs, farts, Star Wars, and comics can be cool. Not to mention the guy is fairly smart and knows what he's doing.

18. Jimi Hendrix. Who doesn't like him? I'm mean come on.

17. Dalton Trumbo. Even if you don't follow the rules of english you can write a good book. One of the best of all time nonetheless. And just because you're blacklisted doesn't mean you can't write better than anyone else in hollywood.

16. Luca Turilli. He proved that even if you do like trolls and hobbits and crap that you can shred like the rest of them. Not to mention the guy has quite a talent for music

15. Mr. Enderby. A fake character yes, but entertaining nonetheless. Mr. Enderby is really just a simple man with simple needs. He also proves that you don't really need inspiration to write good stuff.

14. William Shakespeare. What you think you can have a list of people and not have old Billy Bard as a part of them? I don't care what you say, this guy was good.

13. Jon Schaffer. THis guy taught me that you could be a bad ass and still listen to classical music. "What you don't like Concerto in A minor?, Fuck you." Great stuff

12. Alfred Hitchcock. The guy is just friggin cool. Everything about him rules. End of story.

11. Bach. Shit even Christains can make good music every now and then. And after all this guy was the first rocker of all time.

10. Gregory Peck. Favorite actor of all time.

9. Hunter S. Thompson. He taught me that writing for the hell of it is all that really matters.

8. Kurt Vonnegut. Trippy guy. He's a great living legend. The name should just chime you in to how utterly great he is.

7. Jaroslav Hasek. True polical thinking right here. The guy was great. He was and will always be the Bad Bohemian.

6. Stanley Kubrick. Taught me that you shouldn't look at reality, but rather look at a picture of reality.

5. Cliff Burton. Musical genius, or he would have been. Cut out way to early into his prime. He is my idol when it comes to playing the bass, or any instrument at that.

4. Beethoven. Even when you're deaf and hate your life you can still create something as powerful as the Ode.

3. Anthony Burgess. Words may just be things but this man made them so much more. He turned writing into a true art form, expressing the belief that its not so much what you write about, but how you write it.

2. People. As much as i hate you cocksuckers sometimes, you can be fairly decent. And there is no better form of entertainmetn then just watching peopel go about in their days.

1. April Deruelle. (honestly who didn't see that coming?) She taught me what good music really was. She introduced me to a totally different way of thinking. She was everything I could have ever asked from a person and more. God bless her.

There you have it. The 25 most influencial people to me. I mean sure there are more...i mean where is Blind Guardian and the Frito Bandito you might ask? but alas, those are the ones that i decided on...oh well.

2003-08-07T20:29:00.000-07:00

Well since gay-ness is everywhere all of a sudden i think it is my duty to tell you if you are a queer or not. so sit back, relax, and protect your ass for the time being...

How to tell if you're gay:

1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag. A cat is like a dog, but gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lolipops, Ring-Pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A 'tang-eating man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetner tastes like. If you've had Nutrasweet in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, basketball, and NHL. If you can pick out chartreusse or you know what a "fresier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you hungry for meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the sumbitch off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, grab the bi-atch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, as the case may be, hold her head down.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.

9. If you're a guy and own more than more than two pairs of shoes you're a queer among the queers. No straight man has more than two pairs. Guys only need a fancy pair that you wear to work, weddings, and funerals...then they just need they're sneakers. If you have anything besides these you might as well shove them right up your ass because you are a boner-fied cornholer.

10. If you spend anytime at all caring for your hair. That includes but does not limit you to; greasing, perming, spiking, combing, shaping, or condtioning. If you use hair care products you might as well start using them as lube as well, since you are without a doubt a fudgepacker-extrodinare...And as a reminder that's not gel on your ear...

So now you can justifibly say whether you are gay or not....ya faggot.

2003-08-06T01:17:00.000-07:00

"have you ever been grouping blindly through a bit of luggage and you realize that your razors came out of the box?"

let me tell you about a twisted little bit of my life that happened as of late. certainly a few of you will note that i was gone for quite some time. maybe a few even counted the days in anxious exuberence. and quite possibly none of you noticed at all nor could care at this point. but...but but but, i was gone and i've got a lot to say.

i went on a trip. a family trip. i went on a family trip to hawaii. hawaii? that's right hawaii. now how does someone in my family manage to score a trip to hawaii. it's quite simple really, my mom, being the teacher she is, and a good one at that, won the trip by being a good teacher. the best, in fact, in the entire district that is clark county. quite an acheivement that is. so it was off to hawaii for the belmonts.

now let me disperse a few rumors about hawaii that i know i believed up to my experience and a few that i'm sure you all have kept deep insde your psyche.

firstly, hawaii is not all sunny and lovely...the place is the armpit of america. its hot, its humid, and the sweat roles down your ass crack like niagra for god's sake. definitely not that cool of a place.

secondly, not everyone in hawaii is good looking. in fact a good lot of them are uglier than regular people. basically its a bunch of old people wanting to tote around their thongs and go surfing.

thirdly, (since i mentioned it) the surfing blows. the waves don't wave more than a foot, and the tide usually draws you more than anything. besides now everyone does it, toddlers, babies, and old ladies with their dogs in swimsuits are surfing. it's entirely overrated and it sucks.

fourthly, fuck the heritage. i don't respect other people's cultures. there's nothing to respect about it. there's nothing noble about how some dumbshits trapped on an island believe that the volcano is the earth farting or some shit. i don't care at all. and that mahalo and aloha crap needs to go, along with the entire langauge. it's only 12 goddamn letters, and besides we (in the english sense) already have those letters, so get over it, you won't be losing much.

fifthly, and lastly, speaking of losing much, you lose a lot there. thinking about it this way the cheapest gas on the entire island is $2.35 milk is like $4 for half a gallon, you can't even wipe your ass without some schmuck charging you double for it..."double ply, doubly price..." it's all bullcrap really.

and i guess that wasn't even the worst part. forget we not the trip there and the trip back. let me tell you about a pack of jack offs that deserve to die...now i know babies cry, that's what they do. it doesnt bother me when i get my head phones on, what bothers me are the little kids that can talk. those bastards are letting loose all the fears i have instilled into my mind..."what was that noise....oh dear god we're up in the air....that man smells funny....why is the barbeque chicken moving....WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE..." those fucking kids.

oh but what about the airport, christ almighty. don't you just want to screw with those people? them and their three questions..."did anyone unknown to you, pack your bags..." you know now that you mention it, not one, not even two, but three people came up to me last night and heard i was going on a little trip, they asked if they could pack my bags, and i figure, well they're nice enough guys, and i told them to go upstairs and pack my bags, they know what i need.

and i thought our airport was bad...oh my god no. hawaii's airport is basically a big concrete box with some dirt paths. there is no air conditioning and there is certainly a lot of fat sweating dumbass tourist hicks who think taking the picture of a local is some kind of special treat. and the people that run it are even worse. it should be easy to check in. here's my id, here's my ticket, and here's my bag. bam bam bam. but noooooo. "this doesn't look like you.." i grew my hair. just imagine it with longer hair. "this ticket looks like it was thrown away..." i was holding it if that's what you mean. "this bag feels awefully light, what are you keeping in there..." now at this point i just wanted to say "you know bodies tend to get a lot lighter once they start decaying..." but can't do that...no, i probably wouldn't be able to get on the plane if i did that. so i had to simply say that i wearing one pair of clothes a day..."oh well i guess that makes sense..." damn right it makes sense...who the hell changes more than once a day...

so i'm on the plane. of course i get the aisle...a tiny little girl wanted the window and her mother was to be next to her ofcourse. now i just happen to be about 2 seats away from the crapper. and let me tell you, the smell of cinnamon rolls, beer farts, baby vomit, human decay, and necrophilia was rampant in there. holy god. that's the kind of smell that eats the stitches away. that's the kind of stuff that kills neighborhood birds. that is just god awful.

then on the way back i got to meet a cool person, good stuff there. some dumbass behind us thought it'd be real cute if he stood up on the seat and farted...almost strangled the prick.

but all in all i guess one thing made the whole trip worthwhile...

i atleast got a cinnabon.

2003-07-31T18:23:00.000-07:00

alright so let me tell you why friends suck...

(not much of an introduction but fuck you i'm a busy man)

today was a fairly crappy day. first of all i haven't slept in a few days, as two people mentioned when they saw me online at three in the morning. so yea. secondly it was final exam day today. me and this one girl had planned to do stuff for like a week on the last day, since it is after all, the last day. that and we could get out of class once the test was over, which was like in 30 minutes...it was more of a history test than an english test but thank god i knew more about ww2 than the teacher. so yes.

back to what we were going to do...obviously you can make your own conclusions as to what we were going to do, point is we were going to do something....then my friend and i realized that we were going to have band practice for some reason today...so we decided that once i was out of school we would have band practice. fair enough. but then turns out the only way we could have it would be if she came to school with me. i figure that she knew people at the school and she would have a dandy ol time by herself, while i had a dandy ol time with someone else. apparently that wasn't the case and she ruined any chance i ever had at having a good day...so yea. oh well. so yea. school got out, and it was now time for us to wait for our ride. now this ride of ours had apparently forgotten about us. so there we were walking home when apparently the rain decided "you know what would be really fun.." and just pissed on us like hell...

so now by the time we get to my house we're soaked, she decides to take her shirt off (no complaints there...) yea we threw it in the dryer...damn my fast dryer...then we practice...when her shirt was dry we went and got the other groupie...by this time you should note that i'm ready to pass out from lack of sleep...so we got him and they started going insane and what not...so i had to then put up with 4 hours of mindless yapping and horrible guitar playing...horrible distorted guitar playing no less...but oh well. when that was over i figure i'm just gonna go to bed...but no no of course not...yet more annoying friends come to the house...drunk too...who get's drunk on a thursday afternoon i mean honestly?

so i kick those people out and now i'm ready to kill people. just thought i'd mention this incident because i really hate my friends. in fact i don't even know why i call people my friends. probably because its easier to spell and say than acquaintences (which i probably misspelled anyway...

back to the friend hating, and i'm sure as i mention this that atleast a few of you will agree on how horrible friends are. they either stab you in the back or annoy the piss out of you, there is little to no in between point. but you can't very well tell them that you hate them can you? out of the 183 people i have as of right now on my "buddy" list i can say i very deeply hate about 170 of them. and i don't even have a few people on my buddy list that talk to me...but oh well. what's it matter...

...friends...who needs 'em?

2003-07-29T19:22:00.000-07:00

guess who's back?

that's right Jenna shall be posting on her old site again...go check it out...she's one of the few who can actually write...

so yea go check out here link right over there

<-------

or it could be over there

<-----

point is it's on the side and it's marked JENNA (how convient)

check it out...or die...either way...

2003-07-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

"as happy as a housewife to learn
that the dog didn't shit
and the roast didn't burn..."

well i've been gone for awhile, as well a few of you might note...for the ones who didn't yea you can just go piss off. went up to california...had a good time for the most part. i guess.

hmmm. what really is there to say?

nothing.

there's nothing for me to say. there is absolutely no reason for me to write to you and at that there is nothing to write about. so why exactly am i bringing forth this fact? because some of you people exhibit it everyday.

most of you have nothing to say. nothing smart, nothing wry, nothing witty, and not one thing of which your should cry. and yet almost everyone of you writes. you all write like crazy, whether it be about how you did this one thing with this one guy one time, but it turns out the next time you did this other thing with the same guy that he is actually a big jerk off and you hate him, but he's just so goshdarned cute...or you could be writing one of your epic poems. the likes of which we've already seen spewed from you over and over. it goes a little something like;

"i hate my life
bah i'm an angry sheep
struggle
death
sorrow"

all your non-rhyhming, non-flowing, and non-rhythmic hunk of crap poetry. why the fuck is everyone suddenly a goddamned poet? was pissing us off in a direct way bad enough, that now we have to figure out what you mean by the rising of the gorilla turd to the heavens...?

god forbid you say, "you know what, my life's not that bad, but i think being sad is cool, so if you could all just play along with the whole 'i-have-a-bad-life' bit i'd really appreciate it."

and i'm also getting pretty sick and tired of all your feelings. i don't give a fuck if this person wants to fuck you but the one you want to fuck doesn't give a fuck about fucking you...jesus harold christ. we all have problems, but just because you have something doesn't mean you have to share it with the group.

problems are actually just a weird way of trying to get people's attention...rather than simply saying that you want attention, you have to go with the whole bit.

"ahem. excuse me uhh. excuse me uhh. umm excuse me, but i uhh want to uhh kill myself. ahem."

you want attention? then entertain me you mother fucker. go lick a frozen light pole. piss in a mail box. stick a firework up your ass...just do something to entertain me. cutting yourself in visual areas, rather than vital areas does not entertain me. now if you want to cut your eyelids off...that could be fun.

but atleast admit you want attention. i certainly do. i'm an attention craving whore. if people don't know my name and my description i go absolutely ape shit. i just simply can't accept that someone might not know who i am. but atleast i don't try to get attention by going the whole suicidal route...no...instead i'll piss off all the teachers...or ruin a school dance. nothign creative...but effective nonetheless.

you people and your problems. god forbid that anyone else besides you have anything wrong in their lives. "what you mean someone else feels bad...no they don't...only i have that exclusive right." yes because you know being sad is an exclusive club and only a select few vicious stereotypes can be a part of it. "no no no that guy can't be sad...he doesn't wear all black...that means he's a happy decent member of soceity."

in so closing i'll leave you all with this...

fuck you, and your problems too.

2003-07-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

today was a good day :)

2003-07-12T01:51:00.000-07:00

here i am..it's about 1:30 or so and i'm about to type about my personal hygene...so sit back...relax...and read...or do waht i do and cower over the keyboard squinting at the big shiney glass thing.

i haven't shaved in a few days...i've sort of got a beard thing going...i really look like a hippie with it...i think i'm gonna shave it off in the morning...

but that's sort of like the way this summer's been...i know not a one of you is keeping yourself the way you did when school was in...far from it too. when school was in, you took your showers in the morning and the night before, an brushed your teeth and brushed your hair...got your snazziest attire on, and got your slick self to school. NOW however all of you are fumagating aren't you? yes you are...you smell like someone shit in your cereal. your semll can kill small animals a block away. your smell could kill cancer...so live it up.

but i have come to the conclusion that you don't really need a shower everyday. you don't its overrated...and its overkill. all you really need to do is wash the four main areas. Armpits, asshole, crotch and teeth. that's all you need to clean. and you can save a little time if you just use the same brush on all four areas. kills the germs faster ya know?

speaking of germs, what's the sudden fixation on germs in this country...here i am trying to finger my prick at 4 in the morning to some history of sexathon...and all of a sudden some commercial about a lysol can that kills 99.99% of germs come on. now why did they chose 99.99%? couldn't they shoot for the whole 100? all those 9s seem a little redundant don't you think? what's with that last bastard germ? why can't lysol kill that?

and that's not even the worst of it...there was the whole sars bit, that even drove a few dumbasses at atech to where masks and walk around like the stupid ignorany pricks that they are...i hope these people die of syphillis...that'd teach them a lesson. but there was sars...and everyone was afraid...they were scrubbing this and washing that. getting their vaccines and flu shots...

people try to live sanitary lives, that way they can stay away from germs, and don't get sick. but that's why you have an immune system. that's what its there for. but if you don't have germs to practice on, your immue system goes to hell.

i, myself, have never been vaccinated...i don't need to be....why should i? look... when i was young i played out in the yard where my dog took nice 2-3 pound dumps...they used to look like mountains and i used them with my imagination. and i never got a disease...you know why? because i played with raw shit. my immune system was inpenitrable.

that's why i don't shoe away when people cough or wip the telephone off after someone used it...and when i drop something on the floor, i pick it up and i eat it...even if i'm at a sidewalk cafe...in brazil...on new year's day during a soccer riot...i will pick that fucking food up off the floor and eat it...because i know that i have a nice strong immune system.

but other people try to live a sterile life, they keep away from germs...i can't wait, not only for these people to come in contact with germs, but for some big fuckign super virus to come by. you know why? because these people are fucking weak, they have a fuckign weak immune system, and they're gonna die, and tehy're gonna deserve to die...the stupid twits.

so wash up and play with shit, that way you can live a much healthier life.

2003-07-11T03:03:00.000-07:00

Blogging is like riding a bike without a seat. Painful the whole way through, but after you do it you feel the need to brag about your bloody asshole to all your friends...or um...blog.

i have had absolutely no urge to write--but i've had millions of great ideas. Well not really...but all of the ideas i have had have gone to waste since i'm forgetting them all and not making any attempt to remember them by making notes or whatnot.

god..its like 2:30 or something in the morning and here i am wasting away...

sometimes I hope a stranger comes out of the dark and just punches me in the crotch. Mostly, cause it seems so symbolic.

la la la la la...

here's is a list of inappropriate words...

we'll start out with something light like; darn, crap, turd, crud, heck...and go right into something along the lines of hell, bitch, bastard, damn, ass and asshole.

from that point we'll go with balls, testicles, marbles, beans, marbles, yarbles, sack, scrotum, ballsack, and flapper. then onto snapper, box, pussy, vagina, cunt, furburger, tuna taco, and the other pinky.

here's we go now...jugs, melons, kazoos, knockers, tits, cheeks, ass, butt, buttocks, asshole, asscrack, and ass rape.

then we'll get into the sex portion of it...of course we all know 69. but how about 71? that's 69 with two fingers up your ass. and then there's 68...that's the "you do me, and i'll owe you one..." i bet the ladies who read this know what that's like. moving down the list you have, suck off, knob job, sucky fucky, bone lipping, cocksmoking, cocksucking, cunt lapping, yoddeling in the gully, eating the bearded clam, eating the taco, eating out, box lunch, and tongue fucking.

from there we'll go to the self gratiation area of masturbation...and i must tell you, i think i few of these border on poetry myself. first you've got beating it, stroking it, and greasing up...then you go right into spanking the monkey, chocking the chicken, flogging the dolphin, getting your pole varnished, beating your meat, beating the bishop, waxing your carrot, cleaning your flue, polishing your helmet, fighting your one eyed monster, and shooting puddy at the moon...

but don't think i left the female portion of this out...there's still, beating your beaver, clapping your clit, teh two finger tango, and cooking cucumbers.

all of this produces semen, commonly known as sperm, giz, fluid, essence, cum, glue, duck butter, bull gravy, baby food, milk, oyster, wad, and yogurt.

of course to get the semen you must first, ejactulate, drop your load, shoot one off, and get your rocks off.

needless to say it helps if you don't have any stds like semen squirells, crotch crickets, crabs, pants rabbits, the clap, irish mutton, spanish needle, stank cock, morning drop, or puss infected cum bubbles.

you can get all of these from your local neighborhood floosie, bimbo, slut, whore, loose ass, alley cat, bed bunny, cum freak, hussie, yes girl, or open ass. you can also get it from cock happy ass peddlers or a bow legged woman of the evening.

that is if the girl you're fucking isn't on the rag, riding the cotton pony, having the painters in, or her aunt flo isn't in town. but if she is entertaining the general then by all means knock her up, get her in the pudding club, and get double ribbed...for her pleasure.

speaking of pleasure, let's delve into that realm of the language involved there...you have of course, erect, hard, boned, have a boner, stiffy, woody, hard on, a flag pole, a captain standish, a fireman, an irish toothache, a proud navy, a pants pusher, a riser, and a mr. goodwrench.

hopefully if you are donkey rigged, or hung lie a bull, it will get your girl wet, hot-assed, brimming, horny, fuckish, turned on and lathered up.

that is unless she happens to be a dyke, bulldyke, lesbian, hishi, boon dagger, butch, rug eater or a carpet muncher...or if you just so happen to be a queer, fag, nancy boy, choir boy, homo, ass bandit, turd burgler, rear admiral, or just a plain fruit.

but even if you were a limpwristed flaming homo you could always butt fuck, stir fudge, fish for brown trout, bake brownies, back door, cornhole, split some buns, take a ride down hershey highway, or for the sake of the seanic route, go down the old dirt road.

or you could both win if you both agreed to have an orgy, an around the world, circle jerk, team cream, or round pound.

but the morning after when you decide to poop, bury a quaker, take a shit, and pinch a loaf, it might be hard when all your, shit, night soil, dung, and alley apple, is all backed up.

but that's not even the worst of it...you could take a hard piss, a long water, drain the lizard, relieve some tail juice, wring out the kidneys and take a golden shower all over the place if you're not careful.

so in order to be careful be sure you cover up with a rain coat, a scum bag, a rubber, a french letter, and most importantly a condom.

that'll be it for now...

2003-07-10T16:36:00.000-07:00

well i'm now part of a kickass new website.

Freaks of the Round...

go click on the link over there

<---- (oh looky looky i made an arrow)

go on. it's right over there. it even says Freaks of the Round because i didn't want to hurt your little brains too much...come on. right over there...why the hell are you still reading this?

go click the friggin link...

2003-07-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

whoa, holy shit today's the 9th?

when did this shit happen? wasn't yesterday the seventh? where the fuck did the eighth go? was i asleep for an entire day? actually come to think of it i didn't even sleep last night. i think at one point i passed out, but i woke up and my clock said 4...was that damn clock lying to me again? that fucking jerk off...thinks its so great...damn it.

but oh well.

you know what i haven't done in a while. i don't believe i've talked about myself in a lot of recent posts...no...no i've been bitching at a lot of people and things. what should i do about that? oh i know, i think i should have everyone who actually reads this thing to bitch about me in their "blogs." i think that would be cool...a mass bitching about myself. imagine that. all the raw hatred you have for your humble writer...coming out in the very same words he used to piss you off....that'd be nice.

but no no no, that couldn't work. no one would do it. but i do suggest it though. so what should i do to offset all this moaning and bitching i've been doing?

oh i know...

i could talk about how my life is going on...that's basically what i'm supposed to do in these "blogs" (though i do like albert's term "captain's log" much better)...

let's recap what has gone on in this meaningless little existence of mine.

i'm taking summer school...well i was...not right now, we have that break, as all you overacheivers know. i passed the first session of english ii with over 100 before going into the test...so yea, i aced that class...not bad eh? though i do have to ask you all something, and anyone who's ever been in any of my classes knows what i'm talking about...why is it when i'm giving a presentation no matter what i'm talking about people seem to laugh their ass off? i could be comparing and contrasting the bilabial phonemes with the voiced labiodental and all of a sudden i'm a goddamn comedian...oh well....i'm not complaining or anything, it's just been happening to me for a few years now and i'd like to know why....

let's see. i also started a new band...god knows why...its a ska band...well actually...she wanted a ska band...but we've decided that it is infact a a celtic metal ska band...with a distorted bag pipe...well we hope to get one...one day.

and with this band we've decided to make an epic ska song...based on the Matrix. i've got 2 of the 3 major parts down...being that the third one hasn't come out...but its going to be cool...i'm using a sustain pedal and doing all these slides and it sounds like the bullet seen...its awesome...fuck you if you don't like it.

let's see what else? oh yea we also made a game song called..."the gamers anthem" its awesome. i basically wrote it for all my friends that are, in fact, gamers. we were thinking about calling it "w00t" but i don't know. if anyone has any ideas for the name you can just tell me...oh i just thought of this...we could do a spoof on that rapper dude's song "gangster's paradise" and call it "gamer's paradise" but that's probably already been done...

oh well.

hmm. i feel like i should type some more...but i'm pretty sure no one's going to read it...shit even i have a hard time reading my posts all the way down...and have you even seen those archives? jesus who the hell read that crap? it's horrible...did i actually write that? it's just bad.

maybe i wrote all of those posts on the 8th...

2003-07-08T21:55:00.000-07:00

welly welly welly welly welly welly well.

i'm pretty sure no one read that. you didn't actually read all those welly's did you? no. no one did. sort of makes me happen that i have no sense of purpose. no reason for writing among other things.

take for instance living. there's no point in living is there? not with the basic element of entropy involved. we're all eventually going to die. and eventually all of manking will fall and die off too, just a little squib on a planet that will also one day be engulfed by the flames of a shedding sun. so when you think about it your life is pretty much meaningless, and hey so is mine...

and a lot of people seem to get really upset with this. no one seems to embrace it. it basically means that you will live, die, and then never be remembered. good stuff i tell you.

but a lot of people want you to believe that you might amount to something. well i hate to remind you, but most people aren't particularily good at anything, nor will they amass themselves above a triple digit income...but a lot of people want you to believe that you will. pfft.

bullshit.

that's america's leading industry. the manufactoring, packaging, distributing, and marketing of bullshit. high quality, grade a, usda approved, prime cut bullshit. and the sad part is that most people are lead to believe that bullshit only comes from certain areas. advertising and politics basically...but that's not true... bullshit comes from everywhere. teachers, parents, law enforcers, everyone. bullshit. this entire country is completely full of shit, it always has been. from the constitution, declaration of independence, and the star-spangled banner, its all been one big steaming pile of pure america red white and blue bullshit.

welly welly welly welly welly welly well...did you read them now?

2003-07-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

Well i've decided to go ala staccato today...enjoy.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

People seem to think that if there’s some problem that makes them unhappy in his country, all they have to do is stage a big march and everything will change. When will they learn?

The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I'm left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can't quite remember.

Why do foreign soldiers march funny? Do they think we march funny? If we do, how would we know?

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

Most people are not particularly good at anything.

It's a sad thing to see an Indian wearing a cowboy hat.

If I only had one tooth, I think I would brush it a real long time.

I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.

If you have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other? Maybe they even tried to escape together...

I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.

There's a moment coming. It's not here yet. It's still on the way. It's in the future. It
hasn't arrived. Here it comes. Here it is . . . shit! It's gone.

I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a
movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.

We are conditioned to notice and emphasize the differences among ourselves, instead of the similarities. The corporate-style partitioning begins early in life: fetus, newborn, infant, toddler, preschool, lower school, middle school, junior high, senior high, pre-teen, teen. Get in your box and stay there.

I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: "People who smoke will eventually cough up small brown pieces of lung." And "Warning! Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was." It would definitely put an end to all those goddamn Xpoz commercials.

What goes through a bird's mind when he finds himself flying through a fireworks display?

When I'm working, and the television is on, I always tune in a program I like. If I'm going to ignore something, I want to be something I enjoy.

Have you ever groped blindly through the middle of a packed suitcase trying to find something and then suddenly realized with horror that the razor blades had come unwrapped?

Did you ever notice how important the last bite of a candy bar is? All the while you're eating it, you're aware that you have less and less remaining. Then, as you get to the end, if something happens to that last piece, you feel really cheated.

Valentine's Day is devoted to love. Why don't we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, viscereal hatred that is felt every hour of the day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would
certainly make for an exciting six o'clock news.

A cemetery is a place where dead people live.

Hard work is for people short on talent.

Recently, in a public bathroom, I used the handicapped stall. As I emerged, a man in a wheelchair asked me indignantly, "Are you handicapped?" Gathering all my aplomb, I looked him in the eye and said, "Not now. But I was before I went in there."

I just realized it's now possible for a child to have five parents: sperm donor, egg donor, the surrogate mother who carries the fetus, and two adoptive parents. It renders the statement "He has his mother's eyes" rather meaningless.

What year did Jesus think it was?

And finally keep in mind, that:

Life is a near-death experience.

2003-07-06T14:38:00.000-07:00

what's today, the sixth?

doesn't matter anyway now does it?

basically i'm here to type about things that have been pissing me off as of late. and i guess there's a certain subject that really tends to piss me off no matter who i talk to...and that would be the case of sex.

sex. good stuff if you ask me...speaking of which i could have got laid on the fourth...but that's entirely another story. sex. bad stuff if you ask people who haven't fucked yet.

so, as i do with most things, let's step back, and look at sex...being that most of you are already nine steps ahead of me with tissues and lotion ready i feel no need for an interlude to get you there...

what's good about sex? well when you think about it what is sex? sex is basically sticking some appendage (a dick) in a hole (a vagina)...but say you stuck another appendage in another hole...like say you stuck your finger in someone's nose...not so thrilling then now is it? you don't hear about nose rapings do you? no. sex as the basic element, in the form of mentality can only be pleasing when you know its wrong. well let me rephrase that. it's not natural (well it is natural...but hold on i'll prove my point)...both guys and girls cover up their little parts...some littler than others. and since in a decent society these parts are covered up, you are, in a sense, denied these priveledges, and once you recieve them, you want more...and so on and so forth. i mean you see other people's noses everyday so there's no reason for you to want to fuck them...now its the stuff you don't see that makes it right...

and whats bad about sex? well besides the mishaps where you slide out and your girlfriend's pelvic bone slams into your dick, breaking it in half...it's a relatively painless bit..that is to say, unless you're not in the mood, too big, not wet, hung like a horse, a virgin, or have a needle for a dick.

now that we know what sex is and what is both good and bad about it, let's examine the people who are cock happy and cunt struck...

the people who like sex are usually the people that stow away JCPenny catalogs for masturbatory usage. they're the ones who lock the bathroom door and won't come out for days. the people who will willingly admit that they have tried to reach themselves. they are also usually the people who got sex at one point and are no longer getting it...but then, they could just be whores. there is basically no stereotype for the people who like sex...but you sure as hell can tell the people who do like sex against those who don't.

and as for the people who don't like sex, fuck these people, in all literal senses...i hate this people. these people should be castrated...these mindless jack offs. these are usually the horniest ones too. like five year olds and what not...like little spider monkeys when it comes to sex...they just want to bash someone over the head and mount them right there on the table...these people are usually the most reclused naive little cry babies who not only need to get laid, but probably masturbate under adult supervision...

doesn't matter...i'm not getting laid either way...

2003-07-04T16:09:00.000-07:00

"Ah, the fourth of July. An American holiday that celebrates and examples liberty, and freedom and American's Universal excuse to blow shit up."

I've decided that since today a lot of people will express their patriotism and what not (atleast for a little bit) why not join the crowd and give m honest opinion of this grand country we like to call the U.S.A.

and where do all you people think i stand when it comes to this country? do you think i couldn't give two shits about it? or do you all think that by some freakish incident i care about this country? well rather than preach about which side i'm really on i think i'll show you America:..."The Glorious Burden"

America...the only country founded by slave owners wanting to be free. Not to mention they killed a bunch of WHITE british people, so they could continue to own their BLACK african people so they could move west and take the land from the BROWN mexican and RED indian people...giving them a place to launch their nuclear weapons at the YELLOW japanese people. i'm glad here in american that we like all the different colors.

so we had our revolutionary war with England...which if i may point out we only won because after awhile they didn't give two shits anymore. good for them. but if i may point out, i don't see Canada or Australia complaining about being basically British colonies...but oh well. then sometime went by and we started pissing each other off...like we do everyday...so we decided to have a civil war...a little family quarrell...so we started killing each other by the thousands...while the rest of the world was enjoying some nice tea and crompets. then...we resolved our issues by freeing the slaves, but by democratically agreeing that both sides still don't like black people.

so a little time passed before we noticed that a world war was going on...well it was a european war but when we heard that the mexicans might attack us and they sunk a boat...it was at this point that we got pissed and decided to send thousands and thousands of young men to their deaths...in the name of liberty and freedom of course.

some time passed before we heard that that damn germany was back at it...we didn't care so much this time, we had learned that we'll send them shit, but we don't want americans to die...smart times they were. but it was those pesky japanese...so americans got pissed and not only felt the need to fight, but wanted to get over there and killed anything that should happen to move. good times. we didn't really care that jews and russians were dying by the millions but still...

so then it was a little longer until we had the korean war for no reason...we just wanted to fight again...

then we had the vietnam war...another useless war over useless people...

both those wars were spawned over the undeclared Cold War...now those were some fucked up times to say the least...but hey...it got us to the moon.

then we had the gulf war...that was just stupid.

then 9/11 came along. americans were pissed and ready to kill some fucks. we had the entire world behind us to bomb the living shit out of whatever country we wanted to. and we could have too...but no we (by we, i mean out elected officials) were afraid of maybe offending the soccer moms and tree huggers out there...

the tree huggers said "we don't know how they feel, and we're gonna kill innocent people that did nothing to us." fuck these people. i don't give two shits about some family in afghanistan. i've never met them, and after that bomb hits their house i'm sure as hell never even going to get a chance too. i don't care about these people just the same they don't care about us. so we should have bombed them...not strategic bombs not smart bombs, just fucking bombs. but no we didn't because the politicians were wiping the asses of the lowest lows of human kind..."the soccer mom, suv driving, opera loving, mother fuckers."

but no, the president was determined to atleast make up a reason why should bomb the shit out him, i'll give him that....problem is he's a bit slow, and stupid at that, so he came up with a stupid idea, two years after the fact...but he's trying...i suppose...

so here we are at the present. we are the "world" power. though i have an idea, and idea put forth by numerous people before me, and numerous people after me..."et's pull the fuck out of every country...if no one likes us, then let's leave...let's just stay here...it's pretty cool here...well i guess...the place is cool, lots of cool shit, problem is that most the people suck, and the only decent people around seem to hate america...yet when told "get the fuck out then" they don't have a very logical answer....you can't have a good comeback to that...it'll always sound stupid...always.

america, our Glorious Burden. no matter how much you may hate america, no matter how much the people suck, no matter how stupid, corrupted, stupid, pansy-ass, and stupid the politicians are, no matter how your "freedoms" are imposed upon, no matter how horrible this piece of shit country is....IT'S STILL OURS, GODDAMN IT. And no body can take it away, shit no one else wants it. and can't you find some pride in knowing that your country is so bad that people don't want to take over it, but just want it gone altogether? isn't that fucking awesome to know that people hate america so muc that they're willing to fly two fucking planes into two big fucking buildings? isn't it awesome knowing that people hate america so much that they are willing to die in a futile effort to erradicate it.

hate it or love it...this is OUR Glorious Burden.

2003-07-03T18:45:00.000-07:00

"i look around, and what do i see?
piss on the ground and piss on me.
or should i say, to really be true
fuck you all and piss on you..."

hmmm...let's see where my life's at shall we? i'll simply tell you what's going on and go ahead and rate my life if you will...

let's see met about..maybe 4 cool people out of the entire bulk of summer school...met about 854 fucking morons, and a few scrags in between. then there's how easy it all was...i passed it (english 2) with like a 102 or something..and that was before the exam...which after taking i left...and reaked havoc upon the rest of the school...boy do the deans hate me over there. tried to introduced Luca Turilli over there...big mistake...coronado's full of a bunch of dipshits...let's leave it that way. let's see what else? oh yes, got really pissed off the other day because people didn't know "stairway to heaven" that really pissed me off...you have no idea...i mean when you're wearing a led zeppelin shirt and singing "there's a lady who's sure, all that glitters is gold, and she's buying a STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN" you'd think they'd have an idea...but no...they just like their icp/eminem/avril lavigne bullshit...

i also realized how much i hate myself and my life as a whole...but that just makes life worth living more doesn't it? knowing that you're atleast pissing one person off? and to know that you have an intimate realitionship with that person...and to know that they won't do jack shit...that's some good stuff right there...

i also realized how many people truly need to die...and i actually took the time and counted (how sad is my life when i really count the number of people that i believe should die..?) anyways...i counted it...and keep in mind these are all people i've met. we're not talking like famous people...let other people dream of their deaths...but i've got too many right here in vegas...the number is a staggering 238...i counted 238 names of people that i wouldn't mind if they died...but then after that i figured out how many people i want to die...and the number twindled to a sad but hearty 96.

good stuff...

2003-07-02T13:49:00.000-07:00

...and then there was silence...

2003-06-27T21:38:00.000-07:00

I have often taken a liking to people. Never has anything been so beautiful yet so ugly and horrid at the same time. People are the only things of the face of the planet capable of choice and of lying and stealing and destroying as well as being capable of creating and loving and sharing and hoping. People are unique in their diversity.

Diversity. That has often been the case of “analyzing” people. We, as people, often try to be different, rather than all the same. We tend to look for the differences in people rather than the inherit things that make us all the same. Every last one of us can choose and we can live and we love and create and destroy. But rather we look for what others can’t do that we can. “They can’t play an instrument, ha I can.” “They don’t believe in God, ha I do.” “They only get B’s, ha I get A’s.” We as people try to set ourselves apart from other people. So much so that we take it to extremes. But what I’ve also noticed is that if other people aren’t like us, we tend to ostracize them from ourselves, and yet if they try to become like us, we ostracize them even more, for not being themselves, and trying to copy us, like we’re so original to begin with. It doesn’t make sense.

What else doesn’t make sense is when people force themselves to be different. They can’t be the same. Their biggest fear is being normal. They fail to realize that there are more people trying to be different than there are trying to be the same…almost an oxymoron if you think about it.

Why must everyone be different? Not everyone is different; in fact, we are mostly the same. But what can I do. I am but one, I am not a people. I am not everyone. I am not us or we. I am just me.

I have always been attached, deeply attached, to a few people; but I have been interested in people in general not for their own sakes, but for the sake of my work. I have not, as I hope you will note, regarded each person as an end in himself. Each of the few people I did mention while preluding you to this, might be useful to me as a writer. So in a sense I use people for my own personal gain, but yet some how I am not a leech that even though seemingly at the bottom, is feeding at the top of the proverbial societal web.

I am not because I have been more concerned with the obscure than with the popular. The popular often develop a technique to deal with the people they come across. They show the world a mask, often an impressive one at that, but take care to conceal their real selves. They play the part that is expected from them and with practice learn how to play it very well, but you are stupid if you think that this public performance of theirs corresponds to the person within. But everything has its niche, and this is theirs.

But I do feel more at ease when around people that are more often themselves, that is to say, they are much lower in society’s framework than others. They have no need to create a figure to protect themselves from the world or to impress it. Their idiosyncrasies have had more chance to develop in the limited circle of their activity, and since they have never been in the public eye, it has never occurred to them that they have anything to conceal. They display their oddities because it has never struck them that they are odd, or shall we say different.

And yet again, we come to the difference among men. But what difference is there? And this, I hope you think about. I hope you think about this long after you read this. And I hope you think about this long after I’m much removed from your memory, long after I’m dead and gone. I hope that even your children, will think about this on their deathbeds. What difference is there between men? Is not every man capable of choice? Just because one man may choose to be a certain way, and another might do the exact opposite, don't both of those men both express unity in that they can choose? They can choose to be who they are. If one person wants to live their life from behind a mask of lies and deceit, and another man is nothing more than medium from one era to another, then so be it.

A wise man once said,

“If there’s one thing that all men must see
It’s that we were all made to be.”

2003-06-26T18:30:00.000-07:00

whoa...man it took me a few minutes to figure out how to write in this thing again...

where was i ? oh yes, i've given you a weeks worth of bitching about people, as specifics. i didn't not merely do this to bitch about those people, of course not, because only a sane angst ridden teen would do that. no. i did this to prove a point. and what point might that be some of you would have to ask yourself? the point is people. people themselves, and of course their descent...

i will of course summerize all of this, at a better time, but for now, go play with yourself or something...

2003-06-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

back to the bitchings...

the next person happens to be very comfortable with themself....so much so to the point where they're willing to express how fat, stupid, and so on and so forth they are. and we're not here to exploit those virtues but to rather show them as the truth they are...so let us start..

this person is maybe 5'5" at most...well he'd be about that tall...i don't know about his diameter but its probably close to 5'5" too...mainly because of his iffinity for food and everything that he can basically shove in his mouth...think about that on your own time.

and speaking of shoving something in your mouth regardless of taste, let us talk about his taste...he, being a german (or atleast sporting a german last name), seems to have a thing for tiny little asain people, could make him feel bigger (though we really don't need that) or it could be because he enjoys the buck teeth and squinty eyes (because it reminds him of his favorite past time...jerking off). so that mentioned it's safe to say that taste is out the window, kind of like all the apples he wish he could throw out of it...being that'd he'd much rather bitch about how bad some computers are being that they can't load his computer game in 32 nanoseconds or less...damn those slow hunks of crap...good forbid we not have those computer games to give us mindless hours of entertainment.

the other things he finds entertaining would be screaming i suppose since he was voted the most talkitive person in an entire school...screaming, that and listening to the screaming that he likes to call music, though thank god he only listens to a few bands...if you can call them such....becoming obsessed with everyone down to the most minute detail.

and to top all this wonderful crap off...that's exactly what he does...meaning, he has shit brown hair...what a way to crap it off eh?

2003-06-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

well i've decided to take one of these thingies i've seen on other people's blogs, because i figure if everyone else is doing it that makes it alright...so enjoy

:x: name = Barry Belmont
:x: piercings = nope.
:x: tattoos = they're cool, and i like them, but i'm too much of a little panty-waste
:x: height = 6' or so.
:x: hair color = blonde i suppose.
:x: length of hair = long by most standards...it's starting to go below my shoulders...then its on to the tits...
:x: siblings = one sister...hell.

LAST...

:x: movie you rented = i rented A Clockwork Orange and This is Spinal Tap the other week... :)
:x: movie you bought = hmmm. beats the crap out of me...do you really even care?
:x: song you listened to = a bass solo by Cliff Burton.
:x: song that was stuck in your head = "I'm Singin' in the Rain" by Gene Kelly
:x: cd you bought = I bought "The Wall," for my friend just last week now that you mention it
:x: cd you listened to = The mixed cd that had the Cliff Burton solo on it...
:x: person you've called = hmmm Courtney
:x: person that's called you = umm...Ami.
:x: tv show you've watched = I watched Married With Children a few houors ago
:x: person you were thinking of = Al Bundy...since you asked me the tv show question, ya jack ass.

DO...
:x: you have a bf or gf = sadly not, as most of you well know.
:x: you have a crush on someone = hmm.. can't say that i do, well i don't think i do, but i might and not know it...if only i were psychic...that way i'd know what i was thinking.
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = Orange County'd be nice...
:x: you think about suicide = yea...do you even read this blog you fucker?
:x: you believe in online dating = online dating? that's like fucking through the mail right?
:x: others find you attractive = have you seen me? jesus i've even had condoms tell me "haha you won't be needing me.." that's how fucking ugly i am...then again, i have been told i look like Kurt Cobain/Robert Plant so i guess i could get some slutty groupies if i tried.
:x: you want more piercings = nah, once again i'm a little panty waste.
:x: you drink = hmm...no?
:x: you do drugs = of course not what would give you that idea, i'm a good little catholic boy... :)
:x: you smoke = no, but i'm not against smoking...i hate those fuckign commercials...i hope all the people that make them die of throat cancer...
:x: you like cleaning = cleaning blows.
:x: you write in cursive or print = beats me...i can't even read half of what i write.
:x: you carry a donor card = fuck that crap..what if they come up with a way to bring you back...and apparently some little boy in wisconsin needed your eyes...now you have to go kill that mother fucker...nope, just too much to deal with.

FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships = long distance? is tehre an additional charge? it really depends i suppose...but once again it'd be like fucking through the mail...
:x: using someone = if the person's a real jack off
:x: killing people = depends...if the person's a real dickweed maybe...
:x: teenage smoking = if they want to smoke let 'em smoke...certainly isn't bothering me.
:x: premarital sex = of course not i'm catholic how dare you ask such a question...oh wait...umm yea sure...you wanna fuck, then fuck...just leave me out of it...
:x: driving drunk = hey whatever tickles your pickle...
:x: gay/lesbian relationship= once again...if you wanna fuck, fuck...but in this case do leave me out of it.
:x: soap operas = if it keeps old house frows from talking to me while i'm trying to buy the milk for the family at the store, then sure...

FAVORITE...
:x: food = mexican...bet you didn't expect that did you, you know it all bastards...
:x: song = depends...(and no that's not a song...)
:x: thing to do = have sex with a gorgeous woman right before she plans to make me the best dinner of my life and watch the three stooges with me...this of course all happens right before i win the lottery and a free trip to london where i am to meet Hunter S. Thompson, Kurt Vonnegut, Majandra Delfino and the ressurected Alfred Hitchcock, Dalton Trumbo and Anthony Burgess...once i'm there i'll see all the sites and meet all the coolest british people, and to top it all off the gorgeous woman that had sex with me with play Jimi Hendrix on the guitar with her tongue...yes...that would be good.
:x: thing to talk about = music.
:x: sports = hockey, man....
:x: drinks = i like dr. pepper for some reason.
:x: clothes = umm...anything that fits...or atleast covers my tits (hey that rhymes...damn i'm good at that rhyming business)
:x: movies = stanley kurbick movies and alfred hitchcock movies...
:x: holiday = the tuesday in the third week of february
:x: new nerdy saying = ? i think the only one i know is ummm woot?

HAVE YOU
:x: ever cried over a boy= A boy? no. and only one girl at that.
:x: ever lied to someone = of course not..me? nah...i'm not a liar, you're the liar, you lying fuck...
:x: ever been in a fist fight = yep...
:x: ever been arrested = the cops don't have anything on me, sir.

NUMBER...
:x: of times I have been in love? = one. i've loved like three people but i've been IN love only once...
:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = only once. i'm a very callous person.
:x: of hearts I have broken? = do i look like the heart breaking type?
:x: of girls I have kissed? = wow this even suprises me...one, two, three, four...that's right five girls...that's a damn good number if you ask me.
:x: of boys I have kissed? = well...this one time...at band camp....none you bastard.
:x: of drugs taken illegally? = hehe...(well...)...how about legal drugs...i've taken tyenol PMs and nyquil in lethal amounts, i don't know if that's illegal though...
:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type, friends? = one.
:x: of people I consider my enemies? = well let's just think about it...i have one friend...and there are 6.5 billion people on the earth...
:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = as a writer...17 times...that includes my psuedonyms as well...regularly..maybe 20 or so.
:x: of scars on my body? = well with hockey and just regular stupidity, i'd say i've a-massed 6 sq feet of scar tissue...that's a joke...just so's you's know's.
x: of things in my past that I regret? = lots of stuff...but regretting it, won't change it.

FAVORITE...
:x: disney movie = well theres this one where mickey mouse starts jackhammering jesus christ in the doo doo hole with a lawn dart as garth brooks gives birth to something resmbling a chedder cheese log with almonds in santa clause's tummy tum...yes i'd say that's my favorite.
:x: scent = april used to wear this thing called Iris...
:x: word = way too many....
:x: nickname = hippie
:x: guy name = Damien...
:x: girl name = April
:x: eye color = Green and blue.
:x: flower = beats me
:x: actress = Lee Remick/ Majandra Delfino

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty = not in the least
:x: funny = not really.
:x: hot = you know it is rather hot in this house...
:x: friendly = nope i'm a mean son of a bitch
:x: amusing = does that mean weird?
:x: ugly = very.
:x: loveable = ...
:x: pessimistic = meh
:x: optimistic = meh
:x: caring = nope....i don't give two shits about most people as they don't give two shits about me...guess that answers the loveable question eh?
:x: sweet = nope
:x: dorky = beats me...
:x: Spell your first name back wards = Yrrab...what am i aramiac?
:x: The story behind your user name = some fifth grade thing...
:x: Are you straight? yea...
:x: Where do you live? vegas
:x: 4 words that sum you up = Ode to No One

DESCRIBE YOUR -
:x: Wallet = isn't this a chick quiz...and do i look like a person who needs a wallet...hell i can't even afford a wallet to stick the money i would have stuck in it, had i not actually bought the wallet itself.
:x: Hairbrush = if you've seen me you sure as hell know.
:x: Toothbrush = it's got bristles...
:x: Jewelry worn daily = my bass strings...i wear those around my left wrist...long story behind that.
:x: Pillow cover = does anyone care...ten bucks says no one's read this far.
:x: Blanket = la la la..woo woo.
:x: Coffee cup = ....
:x: Shoes = charcoal suede chucks
:x: Handbag = do i have to dignify that with a response?
:x: Favorite shirt = my Grateful Dead shirt rules...
:x: CD in stereo right now = kick ass...
:x: What you are wearing now = my got crabs t shirt and jeans
:x: Hair = ...well...hair is very hairy...
:x: Make up = ...?

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are) -
:x: In my mouth = i had a glass of water, but that was like yesterday...my tongue is in their right now (and for the cheap corny rico sauve line) and ladies yours could be in there too...
:x: In my head = a very weary scary mind (oh a triple rhyme...)
:x: After this = i'll do the next thing...
:x: Talking to = my friend about starting a band
:x: Eating = i ate a microwave burrito last night...
:x: Fetishes = i don't know but i like girls with short hair...weird eh?
:x: If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason? = AVRIL LAVIGNE
:x: Person you wish you could see right now = my friend Janine
:x: Is next to you = hmmm i've got some books...some music i recently wrote..and...the wall...
:x: Something you're looking forward to in this up coming month = i'm looking foreward to going to california to get a 120 year old piano...
:x: Something that you are deathly afraid of? = i guess i'm afraid of getting stabbed in the neck with a sharpened toilet bowl cleaner...
:x: Do you like candles = not particularily
:x: Do you like hot wax = who wrote this stupid test?
:x: Do you like incense = meh...could be worse
:x: Do you like the taste of blood = not really.
:x: Do you believe in love = sure.
:x: Do you believe in soul mates: honestly who did come up with this test? ..it's very obvious they probably watch Sally...
:x: Do you believe in love at first sight: nope
:x: Do you believe in forgiveness: depends on what the person does...somethings are, of themselves, unforgivable.
:x: Do you believe in God: i'll say yes because if it turns out there is a god, i'd be pretty fucked then wouldn't i? ...but i do not believe in religion...
:x: What do you want done with your body when you die: i'd like to be tossed out of a plane, and where i land is where i stay...or have my body thrown into a wood chipper and spread all over a canvas...or cremated...kind of like a Flame into Being or something...
:x: Who is your worst enemy?: i don't have enemies...i have a shit load of people that hate me though...enemies are a waste of time...if you don't like the person, then don't waste your time figuring out if they'r eyour enemy
:x: If you could have any animal for a pet: a dog?
:x: What is the latest you've ever stayed up: i've stayed up for more than a week on end..i think at one point i stayed up for like 15 days
:x: Ever been to Belgium?: nope...and where does this question fit in with the soul mates and piercings and such?
:x: Can you eat with chopsticks: no, but i'd one day like to go to a german restraunt and demmand to use chopsticks...
:x: What's your favorite coin?: a quarter?
:x: What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?: hmm...london...LA, Dublin...sad....i actually gave some thought to that question...but hey, here isn't that bad...
:x: What are some of your favorite pig out foods?: i don't really "pig out"
:x: whats something that you wish people would understand?: the cure for cancer, that way they can pry the tumor i've got from taken this test off
:x: What's something you wish you could understand better?: the meaning of life...(sharp chords...dnt dn dnnnnnn)
:x: Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time? : i haven't seen me beloved april for a long long time...
:x: Something you want to make happen for tomorrow?: i'd first very much like to shoot up a school, but that's only the beginning, i also plan to travel to the bowels of hell where i would proceed to kick any random person in the balls. this of course would all happen right before i take a shit, write an award winning book, conduct a symphony of a thousand, end world hunger, see god, find out the meaning of life, brush my teeth, hug a penguin, get a hand job from everyone in the tri county area's mothers, find a cure for cancer, and of course, kill the person who made me take this stupid test...

2003-06-19T13:09:00.000-07:00

well time for another installment of my much acclaimed "bitchings"

today we're going to go into the depths of a mind whose only purpose for existing is to buy shit. any shit will do. so long as it has a few zeros in it. if it doesn't that means you're not buying enough shit, or atleast according to this person.

but let us first get to know this person. they are an upper class teenager, who just seems to love nu rock. yes nu rock, the moaning stuff that's now played up xtreme. they like studs, and all the dickies they can get. they're obsessed with the way they look and will constantly complain about how everyone tries to look "punk" but how only they are. this person enjoys rambling their ass off about such topics as clothing and how everyone is a poser.

this person of course is not a poser. because posers aren't who they think they are. i mean since someone is say white and dresses like they're "black" that automatically makes them a poser. and say for instance someone is black and they listen to punk...that person obviously has to be a poser. yes, that's it.

this person not only doesn't try to act like someone that they're not, but they'll even tell you. just ask them..."are you punk?" you might ask the person...and "yes i am punk..." might very well be this person's response. and if you were to follow up that question with either "are you sure?" or "are you a poser?" they would most certainly respond..."i'm punk, i'm not a poser."

i should mention that this person thought there were 52 states. and and and this person believes that satan is cool, but they were also afraid of the movie "the omen."

this person is not a contradictory person, nor are they by any means, or even by their standards, a poser.

nope, not in the least.

2003-06-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

wow.

i must say the thing i wrote got a response that i wasn't expecting. a few people actually want me to "critique" them. a few others are praying to god that i do nothing, and type nothing, about them. and as mean as i am, and no matter how badly i really do want to make fun of them, because it is so easy, and they very simply just need a good kick in the ass, i need to keep in mind that some people are whiney little bitches who are afraid to get their feelings hurt.

they find it so horrible that they might not be living the best life that they are afraid that someone might notice it. let me put it this way when i do further bitch-ings about certain people. i really don't give two craps about your life. i don't care if you do have to work and your parents suck and you've been made fun of since you were in third grade, i really don't give two shits either way. we all have crappy lives, but the thing is not all of us are crappy people, a few of us can take, and give, a joke every now and then...and if you can't that's your problem.

and you know why they can't take a joke? because they've got their head so far up their asses, what with all the video games and mystic things they love so much. these are the people who like fairies and magic tales about quests that reach the farthest reaches of the mystical forest of elves. these are the same people who at the age of twelve not only pissed their pants but would shit on the school bus. these are the same people, who, now at an age that is past the teenage leap, still believe in an angel that sings, and very bad things (ha...i rhymed...). these are the same people who don't like sex, are "afraid" to talk about it. who think masturbating is bad, and who don't accept that bad things will happen to bad people, and good people alike.

it is these people who, by most standards, need a good kick in the ass to wake them up to the "real" world, even though, their real world consists of unicorns and dragons....

and i hope that i have offended them too badly with the pointing out of the facts that they possess in their life. i hope that they are not so wrapped up in their own never-ending story that they can't even vindictate that their actions, their emotions, and everything about them, is, in fact, real. and if they should happen to be so wrapped up in what is all basically just a lie to themselves and to everyone they know, i hope they believe that lie. i hope they believe that lie so much that it is in fact the truth to them. i hope so much so that they can lie right to their friends (should they have any), their families, and even strangers they meet walking on the street (tehehe another rhyme...i should be a rapper). and i hope they enjoy it too. because even sad pathetic people that should live such lies, should have happiness. i hope their own ignorance to reality and all that it is makes them happy.

if ignorance is bliss, these people have no need for sex. they're pretty much giving themselves orgasms left and right....and hey maybe that's why they don't like to talk about sex...they don't need it so it means nothing to them. well well well, maybe that's why they're that way...

but even though they are that way, i refuse to make fun of them, so no where in the course of the next few bitchings i'll give, will you see anything about them, not one single solitary slovo...i promise...

2003-06-17T14:40:00.000-07:00

la

i suppose there is no reason for me to be writing. i have nothing really to say. well i guess i do, i do want to mention that i plan to start specific bitchings. bitchings doesn't sound like a real word. i think i should change it, but look at how i've gone with no correction to it. there'd be no use going back now and getting rid of it...i'd have to get rid of all this too...i'll just leave it.

but yes i plan to start making posts about certain people. the following posts does not necessarily mean i don't like you, but then again, it does. don't take any offense to it, feel free to fire back if you feel necessary, but i think you would all be above the slandering that will eventually be used by your humble writer, but if you feel that you have to lower your standards to do only one thing, that is to say, insult the writer, that you might in turn hate, much the same way he has done to you, then, and only then, feel free to do so.

but there is a catch, i will not be mentioning any names. you don't very well know who i'm going to be talking about. kind of funny. it'll sure as hell make a few people paranoid...which is just all the more entertainment for me. but i do hope this might make a few of you feel better about yourself, knowing that, in return, you are not this person.

so who to start off with who to start off with...ah yes i have it.

this person, when not complaining about how bad their life is, dresses in all black, listens to nothing but distorted nonsensical screaming and christina aguilara (spelling?). not only does this person like to paint their finger nails black but they also like every bit of black make up they can. you'd also think that with all this black they would certainly be ascertaining that they, themselves, want to be black, or at least darker in both complexion and possibly even lifestyle. but that's not the case. this person wants to be pale, as pale as the moon's ass. and even at that, hates black people and the entire lifestyle of said people.

and to think that's not even her lovable side... did i mention how incredible smart this person likes to think they are. what with all their knowledge of the peanut wars, and how all the major politcal figures are gay. she happens to know that the government (and by that we mean the US government and no other of the 200 countries around the world) is plotting and has plotted, conspiracies to cover up the truth (that's usually what a conspiracy is for right?).

she just so happens to hate all tan people, by any means of getting so. she hates blonde hair, and blue eyes, and but she love when everybody dies. she lives in a gated community and lives half of the second story of her 5000+ square foot house, that her parents (dad) pay(s) for, as an only child mind you.

i guess you couldn't really call it a bitching, i mean with such a lovely person, who wouldn't like her?

.
well that was fun. and to think, that's what its going to be like from now on for awhile. so basically if you have pissed me off, or even if you haven't, i'm impartial as to how it goes, this is how you will end up, so you can start your bitching now, before i get to you. :)

happy trails...

2003-06-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

well...

since i did a semi serious post, basically written to piss of the hoards of pieces of crap that annoy me daily, we're on to something i do when i get really friggin bored....

so let's show you a few of my little things, the first of which is a letter i want to mail to Tide, you know that laundry stuff..

Dear Tide:

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. In fact, about a month ago, while at my mother-in-law's house, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. She started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of her blood on my white blouse, as well. I tried to get the stain out using her bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

On my way home, though, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach
alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative! I thank you, once again, for a great product. Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

yes i think that would be fun.

but when i'm bored i like to go to public places and "scare" people. and i'll offer them to you as a suggestion, since i can't really think of any other way to phrase it.

next time you're in a public restroom knock on a stall with someone in it and say (very loudly) "Sir, you're going to have to keep the smell under control. Don't make us come in with the hose."

also when in a public restroom knock on the stall next to you and ask the person for a pair of chopsticks and a nine volt battery, tell him that'll flush the mouse out of there.

go to a casino and constantly shout "i won" over and over.

puke on someone.

when you're with two or three other friend have them stand behind you and get in a very crowded place, also bring a can of clam chowder with you. spill the clam chowder and act like you threw it up, then have the two friend behind you come and eat it up.

that'll do for now...i suppose.

2003-06-15T16:53:00.000-07:00

i know i can't be the only one.

there's just no way. am i the only one who writes in one of these things that just finds it a little sad and pathetic that i need to validate myself in these useless attempts to attract attention of any sort to myself? am i the only one that reads these things and realizes that other people have fucked up lives? am i the only one who feels better after reading the mindless dribble of other people? am i the only one who takes some pleasure in knowing that i am, in fact, not the dumbest ass person (dumbest ass? would it be dumbass-est?...)?

i can't be. if there is a just and loving god he will not let just one person in with all this knowledge. or maybe he would...like a prophet and such, we haven't had one of those in a while have we? then again i'd like to believe that the people with signs that scream at you in the big cities, you know the types, the homeless looking crazy people...i'd like to believe that they are, by some form or another, spreading the good intentions of a just and loving god..."god's a shoe, god's a shoe..." i'd think it'd be very nice that if any of you attention laden people get into what you would consider heaven, you get up there, and you see that's god is, in fact, a big shoe. "say god why didn't you give me a sign`?" god would simply look at you, "you dumb shit i sent a guy screaming to your car telling you..."

oh what a wonderful world...

but i can't be the only one. i tend to notice that there are a lot of the same kinds of people running around. preps, jocks, cheerleaders, cocks, "punks," jerks, jack-offs, geeks, nerds, twits, dorks, freaks, loners, boners, stoners, "goths," neo-nazis, racists, ghetto-ers, rednecks, players, playaz, dubs, doobies, metal heads, hippies, and losers. i figure, out of those vicious stereotypes, i have to fit in some where.

a prep? nah, i couldn't afford the clothing and i hate republicans...(oh do i hear political humor?)

a jock? hmm...well nah, couldn';t be that, not atheltic, the only sport i do is hockey...last time i checked we were more lange-ly, scrawny losers with sticks and skates.

a cheerleader? quite simply, no.

a cock? well i basically put that one there for the rhyme of it all, but, nah, i couldn't be a cock, i don't have that kind of heighten self image and confidence if you dare to call it such.

a punk? what the hell is punk? most people tend to think punk is torn up clothes, wearing their little patches that their mothers not only bought but had to sew on as well. with dark hair and spikes. not to mention, safety pins, and regular tiny little pins...damn those things...people who are "punk" like to think they have it real bad, i suppose, but oh well, that's all for another post..punk is what you make of it...

a jerk? nah, i'm more of a prick...

a jerk-off? nope, no if i were to replace that phoneme of an article with say a verb...to...

a geek? well the common description most people like to use seems to be...socially inept, game playing, magic loving whiney pale bitches. but now, if you look at most people, that's them to a cue. so many people have video games and such that its not even a stereotype anymore, now if you don't have video games...you're a loser...guess that's why i didn't quite fit in in atech, being that i didn't know how to get the golden dildo in the fifth level of orgasma...jesus

a nerd? sort of the same thing as a geek would you say...just more to an extreme...so yea i couldn't be that either...but the options are running down so i've got to be something.

a twit? nah, a twit is like a little mommy's boy i suppose. the good criss-eyed little christian...

a dork? umm...so many names for the same thing...then again a dork is more like an emo kid geek...or something...i don't know...stereotypes are weird...and hard to follow...but sure beats the hell out of knowing someone right?

a freak? people who go crazy? nah...i'm too laid back for that shit....or too lazy...it's the same thing.

a loner? hmmm...this could be good. i don't like people, and i do like to be on my own, but no, i need people. they're like my little toys, i can use and manipulate them, take them apart, put them back together, without them i'd probably kill someone...:)

a boner? no. by all context of the word...no.

a stoner? hehehe...no...though i'm sure some would beg to differ.

a goth? the thirteenth century monk who didn't speak, loved god, humped dogs, and chanted,or the little whiney kids who dress in all black and try to get into the occult in order to piss off their parents into buying them stuff because of the fear that the fruit of their loins, their children, might be so stupid as killing themselves? umm...either way...no.

a neo-nazi? i don't think i could pull this one off either...i like the long hair i have, could never be a skin head. i am german, right? umm, i've got blonde hair and blue eyes...hey now, now we're getting somewhere...i do respect hitler as an intellegent man..but no, i could never go through with the tight leather pants and such...just not for me.

a racist? best line ever..."i'm not racist i just don't like black people." no. i'm not racist either. too ignorant.

a ghetto-er? yet again we come to another two sided one, the people who live in the ghetto living off of government welfare and food stamps that scrounge around the city looking for work so they can eat...or...the people who own more shoes than their girlfriend, listen to rap, like fubu, and insist on using ebonics...and yet again even though we have two choices to choose from i am neither of these...

a redneck? i'm sort of pinkish in color if that's what you mean?

a player? if only...

a playa? not even on the flipside...

a dub? i don't know what the hell that is either.

a doobie? woobie.

a metal head? hmm. i do like metal. but not most of it. most of it sucks. most of it is just turning the distortion up on a guitar and bashing the shit out of it. where's the musician-ship? and i'm afraid to head bang for more than an hour because i'm afraid i'll get whiplash right in the middle of one of my bass solos and fall over and die. so no i couldn't pull it off as a metal head either.

a hippie? well i could pass for one. but i don't suppose i want to save the planet, or trees, or eat right, or love the animals, or anything that might pertain in anyway to green peace. damn only one other option left...hopefully its good.

a loser? hmm...we might have hit on something. obviously if you can't fit into some stereotype where everyone not only dresses in the same clothing but talks, walks, and even acts the same way. if you are not in some way able to relate to people that are like other people there must be something wrong with you. because we all know society can't be wrong? society's wrong? how could it be? it has to be right. if it weren't right it would be some other way. things are the way they are because they simply, cannot be any other way. because this is the best of all worlds isn't it. it has to be. i can only imagine what the worst of all worlds is like.

and should you happen to not fit in anywhere else in society, don't worry. you still do. you still fit in a category. what you thought you were different? you're not. whatever you've done in your life time has been done. you think you're unique? that in some way no one is like you? you think you're some slippery (when wet) little bastard that dispite all the stereotypes that you can think of, you've slid through all of them? do you really think that you are the only one like you? well, i hate to blow all that nice "you're special" bullshit out of your head, but you're not. because you do fit in some where. you have to. if you didn't it would work, but thankfully it does work. you fit in with all the other loose scrabs that there happen to be...the losers. if you don't fit here and here and here and here you fit...right over there.

none of you are unique or different. the sooner you learn to accept it, the better off we'll all be.

you think you're an individual, that you can think for yourself? you can't. you need to be spoon fed all that you know. we all do. you're not an individual, i'm not an individual. we're all one and the same. one and the same. and as soon as you accept that even with all your stereotypes, the world will be a better place.

all the things you can think of; studs, pins, jeans, sins, words, shoes, acts, coups, sports, atheletics, cheerleading, and diabetics, there...all of that, everything. you're still all the same. we're all the same. people have long thought that the best thing to do is to group people differently, that seperation will solve the problems. people get mad at people for not being like them, that's how over 50% of wars start, the other 50 is based on who has the bigger dick...and then people get mad for people no being different. well make up your goddamn minds, well wait, you can't do that, so i'll do it for you. stop trying to be different. once you realize the person sitting next to you, the person on the phone, the person in the next house, in the next state, in the next country, across the ocean, once you realize that all these people are the same. and you as well are the same as all off them even though you have studs and tears and they have sweater vests and chardonnay, you're still the same. you all bleed, and breath, and die and conceive. you all, we all, are one and the same...

i knew i wasn't the only one.

2003-06-14T23:27:00.000-07:00

who came up with the name blogger?

well that's besides the point, because i, your humble reader, have got big plans. yes plans, that in and of themselves, are big. a few of you may recall my little attempt at a guitar symphony towards the middle of the year. it was a huge failure to put it as such....mainly because no one wanted to do it. and i figure the reason most people didn't want to do it was because i had made it a little too weird. i had elements of classical and baroque as well as metal and punk, and the changes would have been incredibly hard to time as well as write. people only liked certain parts of it, but i thought that was the beauty of it, everyone liked something different about it. some people liked the punkish bass solo and a few people liked the creepy beginning, but not one person, myself included, liked the whole thing, it was just too big, and long i might add...over five and half minutes despite my best attempts to make it shorter. so i pretty much put that to the side and didn't worry one little thing about it.

but now. now i have all these damn good ideas, that i wish had come to me sooner. of the numerous ideas i have two stick out the most. one would be for the orchestra, the other, for the guitars.

the first of the two ideas i like a lot, its my favorite out of all the ideas i have. Its quite simply the Metallica song...Orion, cut in half, to the beginning of the bass interlude to the end. Listen to the song and imagine it in orchestration and you'll know what i mean by it being the best.

the second of the two ideas is quite simply another guitar bit. a song for 2 guitars, a bass, and drums...not the symphony of guitars i originally wanted for my other idea, but hey it will do. i just need to write it. i have the idea and the sound and the chord changes and the build ups and everything right in my head, but i need it on paper for it to really come together...too bad i have no paper around here...so speaking of which i'm off to the store....that's all for now.

...pleasent dreams, if you need them, ya pansy.

2003-06-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

Gregory Peck

The best fucking person, not to mention actor, ever.

April 5, 1916-
June 12, 2003

2003-06-10T10:53:00.000-07:00

Jesus tap dancing on a bar for a nickel christ.

i read somewhere that, "Recently released statistics reveal that approximately three million youths, aged 12 to 17, either thought seriously about suicide or attempted suicide in 2000. More than one third, 37 percent, actually tried to kill themselves."

think about that...over a third of the people from the age of 12 to the ripe old age of 17 have tried to snuff it, do themselves in, end it all, buy the farm, and more and more death and suicide phrases that aren't coming to mind (but i know there's more). WHY? what the fuck is there to be sad about? honestly? because you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, get over that? are you that dependent on other people for support that you can't even live without them? then for that i feel bad for, (or the evermore popular movie phrase), i pity, you.

let's break down the reasons for suicide....there'd be depression (which is utter bullshit...) and no one ever just has depression, they suffer from depression. though I do not accept depression as a disease. It is a feeling that we all feel at one time or another. Some feel it more and some feel it less. It's a bad thing but don't use it as an excuse. And yes I know some people just have a bad life and what not. Everything is wrong...parents yell at them...teachers hate them...friends stab them in the back and all that cal, but none of that constitutes for committing suicide.

let's see why...hmmm...
1. everything is wrong; for those that know me, is there anything right with me? i rest my case.
2. parents yell at them; haha, i'm going to level with you, everyone's parents yell at them, it's in their nature, get over it you whiney bitch.
3. teachers hate them; do i really even need to point this one out? think about it this way, at some point in the year, every single teacher i've had and about 20 i didn't have, have told me to shut up, and you think i'm going to snuff it for that...pfff....
4. friends stab you in the back; oh get over it, i'd more than willing get stabbed in the back by a friend, or in the front, it'd be their preference. but i don't have friends...and you think i'm gonna buy a damn farm for that reason, are you fucking stupid?

but as i said depression, supposedly the leading reason of kids (damn i wish i could figure out some more death expressions) to kill themselves. sure. depression, it sure as hell isn't a disease. you don't cough from it do you? and i'm sure you won't get rectal bleeding as a result of it, so get over it. if your ass starts leaking and you start coughing (i'm sure as hell running for cover) then i'll believe you. but depression as a disease, utter soccer mom, barbara walters, oprah, bullshit.

there's not really any other reason for killing yourself is there? and that's always bothered me. it seems that in order to take your own life you have to be in some way either out of your own control, left to, as mentioned previously, a disease, or that you have to be in some way at a loss for living, or in other words, sad. why? don't you think it'd be kind of funny to see someone who has the whole world to live for, won the lottery, married a model, has a dick that's bigger than most midgets, and he says to himself, "sure as hell can't get any better than this..." and does himself in? you know what people would then assume right? they would assume he had some underlying mental condition, they would try to find a reason for his killing himself that wouldn't fit the most logical one...even if he left a note that says, "life was awesome, thanks." they would think he was being sarcastic, imagine that, altering the meaning of some poor dead guy...is there no end.

and speaking of the note, i always found the note kind of funny. i especially like when they don't leave a note. i think the people who do that either want to get their shit done now, or have a good sense of humor. when you think about it, that would be like the ultimate (sick) practical joke..."haha you stupid fucks now you'll never know." the soon to be suicide-d person would say. and "oh no, now we'll never know..." the family would say.

and since we're on to the practical joke side of this all, why not even go the full nine if you plan to have a good laughs at the expense of the only people that loved you...put yourself in an awkward position. maybe flash the peace sign. or better yet, flick them off. or start masturbating, or fisting, or both, if you can.... or maybe even a flying eagle position, yea that'd be a good one, try getting someone into a casket in that position...

but oh, maybe they don't want to be buried. i understand. i don't think i want to be buried. nah, i'd like to be stuck in a woodchipper and sprayed on to someone-i-hate's house. or possibly even a big canvas, all art-like...or better yet, i'd like to be thrown out of a plane and where i landed i would stay...that'd be especially cool if i hit another person, they died, and wanted to have the same thing done...two plane rides and i won't even have to pay a single dime.

and i mention the money, because an average funeral costs a butt-load of money. what is it, (what did i hear on all of those relible commercials) like $10,000? jesus that's a lot of money to get rid of a dead person. i'm sure there's some people that would more than be willing to get rid of a body...just look at the movies and all the stereotypical italians portrayed in them, we know movies don't lie, so there's got to be a few of them out there.

that is, if they're not suffering from depression...

2003-06-08T16:03:00.000-07:00

am i the only sane person left?

i was reading some of the hate mail i get on occasion for what i write and let me tell you, there are some dumbass people roaming the earth. and i'm not even talking the naive bullshit that you would get at atech. atech being the most naive of schools...all the pampered little bitches that go to that school. had their asses wiped with silk as a child.... and i hate the sad motif that a lot of people give at atech...i'm not sure if this is just a regional thing or what...but jesus harold christ there are some pissy people.

"i'm so sad, my mom wouldn't give me fifty bucks...i'm gonna kill myself..."
"i just want to die..."
"my life sucks..."

jesus tap dancing christ...first of all there are actually people at atech that get mad if there parents don't give them money...what kind of pansy ass shit is that? you know the last time my parents just gave me money out of the blue? ...that's right me neither. i don't get paid for chores...like most of the douches that bitch...i do so i can live in my house...if i don't mow the lawn once a week i'm kicked out of the house for the following week. if i don't cook dinner i get no dinner...simple as that...nothing to bitch about...

"I just want to die..." oh fuck off. you want to die, die. if not, shut the hell up. simple as that.

"my life sucks..." pfff. bullshit. you live in a house? you eat on your own accord? you get to wipe your ass? then shut the hell up. you could very well have it much worse. bitch bitch bitch that's all those dumbasses do.

"my life sucks"
"how so?"
"i don't want to tell you"

you know how many times i've had that conversation with any given number of people? it's either; i don't want to tell you, you wouldn't understand, you don't know what it's like, what's there to be happy about, or the any other given remark of any other given person.

am i the only one that gets this crap? am i just a crap magnet? people that are sad...pfff...fuck these people...well don't fuck the sad people...well do fuck them...that might make them better...but no....ummm...screw the people that make their sadness known...i could respect if they kept sadness to themselves....all bottled up where sadness should be....but all the douches that openly say they're sad...fuck them. we all get sad, but you get over it....

that's all for now, i'll expand on this later...now to write some music for the only other lovely person left....though, sadly, she'll be gone soon too....sigh (feels kind of weird to type that....)...my best in the entire world she is, god i'm gonna miss her...

2003-06-07T13:49:00.000-07:00

Well I'm bored and I've decided, keeping with the post i made yesterday, that I will now make a new bit. This new bit will hence forth be known as...The Best of the Best. It will be quite simple, I'll give you information on who's/what's the best in this, say that, and maybe the other thing...joy....

These will be in no particular order, and formed in no particular order as well.

Guitarists (in no particular order, mind you)

1. Jimi Hendrix
2. Eric Clapton
3. Jimmy Page
4. Eddie Van Halen
5. Tony Iommi
6. Joe Satriani
7. Kirk Hammet
8. Stevie Ray Vaughan
9. Luca Turilli
10. Mike Romeo

Directors (as in movies...)

1. Stanley Kubrick
2. Alfred Hitchcock
3. Richard Donner
4. Tim Burton (sort of)
5. Kevin Smith

Composers

1. Beethoven
2. Bach
3. Vivaldi
4. Berlioz
5. Paganini
6. Mussorgsky
7. Purcell
8. Tchaikovsky
9. Saint-Saens
10. Mozart

Movies

1. A Clockwork Orange
2. Strangers on a Train
3. The Shining
4. Psycho
5. Dr. Strangelove; Or: How I Stopped Worrying and Loved the Bomb
6. Clerks
7. Nightmare Before Christmas
8. Mallrats
9. Rear Window
10. Dogma
11. Dial M for Murder
12. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
13. The Omen
14. Rosemary's Baby
15. Patton
16. Full Metal Jacket
17. 2001: A Space Odessey
18. Dune
19. Anatomy of a Murder
20. South Park; Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

Actors/Actress (movies of course, fuck TV)

1. Gregory Peck
2. Jason Lee
3. Lee Remick
4. Jack Nicholson
5. Gace Kelly

Extras...movie wise

1. Jerry Goldsmith---Movie Music Composer (he is, was, and always will be the best at making music for movies)
2. Danny Elfman---Movie Music Composer (pretty good, but not even close to Goldsmith)
3. Anthony Burgess---Playwright (wrote movies from A Clockwork Orange to Jesus of Nazareth, just damn good at what he does)
4. Dalton Trumbo---Playwright (best Blacklisted writer of any kind, ever)

Writers (book wise)

1. Anthony Burgess
2. Dalton Trumbo
3. Hunter S. Thompson
4. James Joyce
5. Voltaire
6. Kurt Vonnegut

Books

1. Johnny Got his Gun
2. A Clockwork Orange
3. The Wanting Seed
4. Slaughterhouse Five
5. The Doctor is Sick
6. Player Piano
7. The Descent of Man
8. Barbed Wire
9. One Hand Clapping
10. The Great Shark Hunt

That'll do for now...I might add the Music section later.

2003-06-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

well i finally know what i'm going to do with that 'The Wanting Seed' site of mine...

i'm gonna steal andrew's idea and i will make a..what's it called...play list. yes that's what it is. so...go check it out and don't be afraid to download a few things and learn what good music sounds like...

2003-06-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

I will not be bested...

but...first....to..extend.....the...column....on...this....stupid...thing...

ah that's better.

here is a longer, better list of People I can do Without.

1. People that tell you about what they do in the bathroom.
2. People who are in high school for god's sake and complain about politics...and how they're stock isn't selling..
3. People that drink carrot juice.
4. People that drink carrot juice from a shot glass.
5. People who actually use the bathroom at a church.
6. A pair of homosexual that own a bait shop.
7. People who buy glow in the dark condoms.
8. A serial killer with a light-up bow tie.
9. People that milk dogs while they're sleeping.
10. People tan themselves witha blow torch.
11. People that get gum stuck in their pubes.
12. Women who actually know how to make a small salad out of their pants.
13. Anybody that has killed a rat with a paper clip.
14. Anybody that wants to induced a priest to touch their nuts.
15. A stranger on the bus who wants to tell me about his bowel movements.
16. Anyone who refers to Charles Manson as "Chuck."
17. A tall Slavic man with a bow tie made of human flesh.
18. A priest with an eye patch and a limp selling pieces of the cross.
19. Women that give high fives during sex.
20. A crying women who runs into a bar with a harpoon.
21. People with "his" and "hers" things.
22. Anybody that can make food from road kill.
23. Anyone who flags down people in their SUV
24. People who drive SUV's in general.
25. Stereotypical people.
26. A man whose wallet contains nude pictures of Yoda.
27. People that insist the moon landing was a conspiracy.
28. People who don't like Germans.
29. People who don't like the Irish.
30. People who don't like Russians.
31. People who don't like the Scottish.
32. Anybody with a hyphenate name.
33. People that go by their middle names.
34. People that speak in the third person...about themselves.
35. People that think they're so special they only need one name...
36. A guy bleeding from three orifices at once.
37. People with three nostrils.
38. People with one nostril.
39. People with one lip.
40. A retarded 12 year old that carries around 6 books of matches.
41. Anybody that decieds to five themself a Harvey Wallbanger enema...on the rocks.
42. A flat chested woman who wears a "Foxy Lady" t-shirt.
43. People that "tYPe LikE dIs" and actually mean it.
44. A person that sticks a pencil in their neck to get my attention.
45. A proctologist with poor depth perception.
46. People that use vaginal jelly as a different kind of lip gloss.
47. People that wear a lot of small pins.
48. Any guy that owns more than two pairs of shoes.
49. An airline pilot with two different shoes.
50. People that crack politcal jokes.
51. Anyone who tries to act non-chalant.
52. People that get pissed off too easily.
53. Anybody who refers to the police as the "federales"
54. A gynocolgist that thinks I would make a fine specimen.
55. People try to do that side step that gets your wedgie out.
56. Anybody that likes to breast feed zoo animals.
57. A girl who thinks it was real cute to break a stick off in a dog's ass.
58. A doctor who seems to enjoy the prostate exam a little too much.
59. A doctor whose hands are cold when giving you a prostate exam.
60. A doctor whose hands are a little too warm when giving you a prostate exam.
61. People that re-enact civil war battles.
62. Neo nazi's that wear the confederate flag.
63. Anyone that wears/likes the confederate flag.
64. Anyone who has their own rectal thermometer.

(and I suppose to wrap this up...)

65. Anyone that should hereby get offended by any of this meaningless crap...

2003-06-04T15:27:00.000-07:00

"I know after i write this blog....ur gonna fire me back with some comeback....but whatever"

well if you insist.

"DONT CLASSIFY MY AS THAT...and EVEN IN UR MIND....DONT THINK WUTEVER U THINK...cause u dont know half of wut i am...thanx"

I'm assuming you meant don't classify me as that...just to point this out i can damn well classify anyone as i damn well please. i try not to but when people tell me not to...well...i just sort of have to do it...yes...that made a lot of sense...but i think the majority of people can agree with me on that one...when you're told not to, that is automatic grounds for doing something. and then you went on to type (in all caps i might point out) "EVEN IN UR (meaning your) MIND...DONT THINK WUTEVER (meaning whatever) U (meaning you..[meaning me]) THINK...now...i think this is just a little too easy to make fun of. just read the sentence...yes...there you go...stupid ain't it? and finally for this bit; "cause u dont know half of wut i am...thanx" ...well aint dat da truth rite dar... firstly i must point out i don't know shit about the person nor do i think that has any relevance to anything....and since their are a lot of grammatical and...umm...spelling...errors in the next bits i'll briefly mention...be sure you know the rules of the english language before you plan to break them...i'll talk more about that later.

"cause u almost said something about how somethin i said sounded chinese..well for ur information...im AMERICAN too...and i don't like to be in the criteria that im *AZN* "

making fun of this sentence would be like kicking a crippled kid in the mouth. i realize this person is american....born in america you're america...sad but true...in some cases. when i said something she said sounded chinese i was simply saying that with the very stressed vowels and unvoiced labiodental that i heard made it sound chinese...or of oriental origin. i don't see how i was stereotyping since i could "viery weel taep liech thi ss a'nd eet woood saund ori-en-tall" its just the way the mouth moves...amkes some weird noises...especially during sex...but then again so does everything on the body, that is to say make weird noises while screwing.

and yes i b*tch about life...do u kno why?...im human...and thats one of my faults...but im not gonna go die...and i do kno u stereotype me

"and yes i b*tch (the i's gone, but you know its there...and since we all know its supposed to be there what is so bad about typing the actual thing? about life...." yea ok. don't know where that came from but ok....(two cocktails on the side...see you don't know where that came from...now we're on the same boat...."im human" ...yea ok.... "and that's one of my faults..." ...to be human? i'm pretty confused by this point. "but i'm not going to die." umm i sort of hate to remind you but yes, you are going to die. all of us are going to die. you can't really...not die...it doesn't work that way..."and i do kno u stereotype me..." yea ok. i try not to stereotype but if i were going to i'd make sure it'd be something positive...like "look at those asains...they can fly..." or "jeez those germans certainly do make a mean sausage..." yea...that'd be cool...in fact i should start stereotyping everyone...yes...i should...and what fun it would be...going around making assumptions....i wouldn't have to know anyone ever again...i would just take one look at them and BAM i know me feelings and following-through's of said people...oh yes...keen idea...

"allot of ppl think like u...they juss decide to hold it in"

good god that is one horrible sentence...to my knowledge a lot of people don't tend to think like me...if they did...i'd have a lot more sensible conversations and my writings would probably be better...unfortunately it doesn't work that way and i am reduced to pointing out other people's flaws in an attempt to make me feel better about myself...knowing...that i am...in fact...not that person. and i don't believe a lot of people decide to hold it in...if they did...i'm sure their would be a lot more annurisms, brain clots, brain tumors, cerebral cancer, spinal taps, and an overall...there would be a lot more people's heads exploding.

"and i guess u write this stuff cause u kno i look at ur blog...well i kno u dont care for other ppls feelings so i wont write anything..."

firstly, what makes you so special that i would devote an entire blog to complaining about you, i can sum it all up in this post, with yoru very own words...secondly...well i guess there is no secondly. simply take the hit on the chin (not that i'm stereotyping asains by saying chin...it is simply a part of the human [which by the way, you are] body)...take the hit on the chin and realize that i insult numerous people, i don't have time to go into how much i hate every person, because if i hate the person so much, why would i talk about them, eh? as for not caring about other people's feelings, i couldn't agree more. people don't give two shits about other people...i don't care what i say, since i realize, they're only words, and i don't mean anything by them, iuts up to the reader to decide what they mean...and then you said you wouldn't write anything...but hey...there's still more things for me to criticize isn't there...why yes there is...

"I've done this numerous times, but here again is one more list of people i can do without....is this that u have actually done the things on ur list...or is it that u wrote the list numerous times? "

i believe when you wrote that you were referring to a line i used when i wrote my list of people i can do without...and to answer the question i believe it is, though with all the u's and all that cal, makes it kind of hard to read....to answer your question, the list has been written numerous times, i have written about several people i can do without...those are just a few...i do stress, learn the english language (not to say you don't know it since you are a human capable of understanding the language of your native people, that of course, being other americans...)

"yeah...most of ur comments are directing towards me...and thnx...but u kno wut? u do half the things on ur list...so...why say stuff like that?....cause ur the one b*tching about other ppl... "

directing towards you? directed towards you...ah that's better. but last time i checked you weren't a dentist with blood in your hair, nor are you a man in a hospital gown directing traffic....most of that list is utter crap that won't happen anyway, when's the last time a girl you knew got drunk and threw up at breakfast...? or how about the last time a person hummed at a funeral... it's just for fun...jesus. the "and thnx" part still confuses me...oh oh oh it means "and thanks" umm...yea i'm still confused. "but u kno wut?" what? "u do half the things on ur list..." i do? do i? cool? does that make me a hypocrite? on what grounds? more like a self-loather if anything...but as i said before i don't believe i've ever let a zoo animal suck at my tit. "so why say stuff like that?" because i'm special that's why. i'll say as i damn well please, and if people (humans, americans, definetly not chinese, we wouldn't want to stereotype...) don't like that...then piss on them...and their feelings...they don't like what i write, then they don't have to read it, but i'm not going to stop writing. "(be)cause (yo)u(')r(e) the one b*(i)tching about other p(eo)pl(e)"...jesus i almost spelled eieio with that one....and i thought that my last one..."people that bitch about every little thing, might transpose as a sort of satiric little remark...you know, like the old...oh i get it...hahaha....stupid shit like that. jesus harold christ...and while at it, what's it matter? am i hypocrite...? ok...if i am...what next? do i go to a 12 step program? ...start smoking and kick the habit...what? jesus.

well that'll be the end of that...hope you got everything you wanted....and more.

...so much more...

2003-06-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

i got bored after taking my biology test...so i decided to write something...

"So long, farewell
I'll see you all in hell,
Again next year.
That sparkling little tear
That fell today and falls tomorrow,
For all the pain and for all the sorrow,
Wil not fall again
Until we're back in.
But for now, just stand up and shout
Because, by God, we're finally out..."

fun eh?

tell you about my day later...now i'm gonna go scrounge something to eat...maybe play a little hockey...fun fun fun...hope i don't die of heat stroke.

2003-06-03T14:40:00.000-07:00

well today so far hasn't been all that bad.

i took my two worst tests today...fucking journalism and (oh tap dancing christ) spanish. so yea...there's two f's for me...

but but but there were some good things to happen. firstly i think it was on that break from third period to fifth....yea that was it...yea...someone gave me 50 cents and i went and bought a drink. rather than drink it i poured it on people from the second story. that was pretty fun. i wanted to puke on them...that would really ruin someone's day, but hey i haven't eaten in a while...oh well.

hmmmm i guess at that i'll leave you with something to think about;

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."

2003-06-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

What next?

That's what i've been wondering about a lot lately; what next? and i'm sure a good many of you fine readers of mine have probably been thinking that exact same thing. what you're going to do tonight or tomorrow or the day after or this weekend or next week or next month or even what you're going to do this summer....yada yada yada.

However i do not really care. sure i'll think about it...should i finish up that guitar quartet or should i work on that arpeggio sonata of mine....shit like that. but i tend not to think too much, since thinking is for schmucks.

speaking of schmucks let's talk about them. all these pretenious, dumbass twits we have roaming atech. i thought they were bad but when the finals started rolling around people went insane. but i have an 85...that can be rounded to an A right? NOOO MY MECHANICAL PENCIL RAN OUT...DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY LEAD!!!!???? jesus some people just need to calm the fuck down. enjoy life as it comes. a stupid B in atech pe is not going to prevent you from becoming that great entrapeneur that your parents always dreamed of you to become. missing an assignment in biology is not going to stop you from being a fisherman. people need to stop worrying about fucking grades, and school in general.

more famous people have dropped out of school than people who haven't. you think any actor or musician or anything at that gives two shits about their masters? it doesn't matter...school doesn't matter now since you can always make for it later...look at those 75 year yuppie fucks getting their diplomas on the news....that could be you....

on a lighter note i have some good news and bad news. good news first since, well i typed it that way. my mom won this like clark county teacher of the year thing...she won out of like 1300 teachers or something. so that's pretty cool. that also means that we got a trip to hawaii with free airfare and all that cal...so yea. wish we were going some place besides a beach...so does my mom...us being irish and all..."sticking some one irish on the beach is like sticking a fork in a microwave...just sparks and a lot of pain..." i always did like that line...though my sister is ecstatic....can't wait to work on that gleaming coat of cancer....also also also, a friend of the family gave us her computer. its like a good one or something. beats the shit out of all of us how to set the stupid thing up but we're getting there....and you know how much we paid for it? nothing...fun fun fun. and to top it all off my dad and i might go half on this car up in utah he saw on a business trip. its for sale for like 400 bucks. its a Karmann Ghia...or something...an old fucking car that looks fucking awesome....cool cool cool.

but i only have one, thank god only one, bit of bad news. my best friend in the entire world, the first love of my life, and all around best living person on the face of the earth is moving away. all the way to fucking philedelphia.... goddamn it....goddamn it all to hell i tell you.

well, i guess that'll be all....

2003-05-31T16:26:00.000-07:00

I've finally taken the time to write that nature story...

We're so self-important. So self-important. Everybody's going to save something now. "Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails." And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. What? Are these fucking people kidding me? Save the planet, we don't even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We haven't learned how to care for one another, we're gonna save the fucking planet? I'm getting tired of that shit. Tired of that shit.

I'm tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who thinks the only thing wrong with this country is there aren't enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world save for their Volvos. Besides, environmentalists don't give a shit about the planet. They don't care about the planet. Not in the abstract they don't. Not in the abstract they don't. You know what they're interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They're worried that some day in the future, they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn't impress me. Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet. Nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine.

The PEOPLE are fucked. Difference. Difference. The planet is fine. Compared to the people, the planet is doing great. Been here four and a half billion years. Did you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years. We've been here, what, a hundred thousand? Maybe two hundred thousand? And we've only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years. Two hundred years versus four and a half billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? That somehow we're gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that's just a-floatin' around the sun?

The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through all kinds of things worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles...hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worlwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages...And we think some plastic bags, and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet...the planet...the planet isn't going anywhere.

WE ARE We're going away. Pack your shit, folks. We're going away. And we won't leave much of a trace, either. Thank God for that. Maybe a little styrofoam. Maybe. A little styrofoam. The planet'll be here and we'll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet'll shake us off like a bad case of fleas. A surface nuisance. You wanna know how the planet's doing? Ask those people at Pompeii, who are frozen into position from volcanic ash, how the planet's doing. You wanna know if the planet's all right, ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake rubble, if they feel like a threat to the planet this week. Or how about those people in Kilowaia, Hawaii, who built their homes right next to an active volcano, and then wonder why they have lava in the living room. The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we're gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, 'cause that's what it does. It's a self-correcting system.

The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed, and if it's true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new pardigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn't share our prejudice towards plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn't know how to make it. Needed us.

That could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, "Why are we here?" Plastic...asshole. So, the plastic is here, our job is done, we can be phased out now. And I think that's begun. Don't you think that's already started? I think, to be fair, the planet sees us as a mild threat. Something to be dealt with. And the planet can defend itself in an organized, collective way, the way a beehive or an ant colony can. A collective defense mechanism. The planet will think of something. What would you do if you were the planet? How would you defend yourself against this troublesome, pesky species? Let's see... Viruses. Viruses might be good. They seem vulnerable to viruses. And, uh...viruses are tricky, always mutating and forming new strains whenever a vaccine is developed. Perhaps, this first virus could be one that compromises the immune system of these creatures. Perhaps a human immunodeficiency virus, making them vulnerable to all sorts of other diseases and infections that might come along. And maybe it could be spread sexually, making them a little reluctant to engage in the act of reproduction.

Well, that's a poetic note. And it's a start. And I can dream, can't I? See I don't worry about the little things: bees, trees, whales, snails. I think we're part of a greater wisdom than we will ever understand. A higher order. Call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. The Big Electron...whoooa. Whoooa. Whoooa. It doesn't punish, it doesn't reward, it doesn't judge at all. It just is. And so are we.

...For a little while....

2003-05-30T16:23:00.000-07:00

I've done this numerous times, but here again is one more list of people i can do without.

1. People with tits that they trip over.
2. People who think its real cute to be annoying as hell.
3. People who think being a slut is fun.
4. Sluts, whores, etc in general (mainly because loosely women rarely have tight pussies :)
5. People who actually know the third verse to the star spangled banner.
6. People that humm during a funeral.
7. A man in a hospital gown directing traffic.
8. Loud people.
9. Quiet people...well...when they talk...if they talk too quietly...yea...
10. Anyone at atech that claims to have done drugs...or is doing drugs at that.
11. People who say they're going to party.
12. People who flash the peace sign.
13. People who say they're going to A party as well.
14. Girls that get really drunk and puke at breakfast.
15. A dentist with blood in his hair.
16. A doctor who insists that growth on your neck will go away.
17. People who make insults as the other person is walking away.
18. People who make stupid insults (e.g. things that don't make sense, are stupid, or that the other person doesn't understand.)
19. People who boast about how great their music is.
20. People who bitch about how everyone elses music sucks.
21. White people that say nigger to each other.
22. Anyone that says nigger period...
23. People who clear their throat before talking, all the fucking time.
24. Anyone who doesn't like Jimi Hendrix.
25. People with an unusual birdth of neck hair.
26. People that wear studs...
27. People that claim punk music takes skill to play.
28. People who are smaller than five foot.
29. Anyone that mentions Jesus more than 300 times in a two minute converstation.
30. People who talk about how cool their church is.
31. People that wear short-shorts on their own accord.
32. People that like basketball too much,
33. People that show too much pride in who they are.
34. People that have too high of a self esteem.
35. People who have no self esteem.
36. People who bitch and bitch and bitch and bitch.
37. You know i should say hypocrites...but hey they're fine by me.
38. People who complain about how bad life is.
39. People who take sayings a little too literally...

And finally...

40. People who get pissed off about every little damn thing...

That should do for now. If you happen to be one of these people, kindly go die.

2003-05-28T20:24:00.000-07:00

Have a nice day.

I don't have nice days anymore, do you? I don't bother with that. I'm beyond the point of having nice days. I feel i've out grown the whole concept. Besides, i've had my share of nice days, why should i be hogging them all? Let someone else have a few.

Naturally, everyone still wants me to have one. Every person i meet wants me to have a nice day. Especially clerks.

Someone-----"Have a nice day"
Me--------------"Yea yea yea. You wanna gimme my fuckin' change, please. I got a hooker to meet."

But some people are really insistent.
"I said have a nice day, asshole."
"Alright, fine i'll five it a shot."

That's the trouble with "Have a nice day..." ...it puts all the pressure on you. Now you have to go out and somehow arrange to have a positive experience. All because of some half wit you meet or a loose lipped clerk.

Have a nice day, fuck you. Maybe i don't want to have a nice day. Maybe, just maybe, I've had twenty-seven nice days in a row and i'm ready for a crappy one. You never hear that do you?

Someone-------"Have a crappy day."
Me----------------"Why thank you. Right back at ya. Hope the shit pours in."

A crappy day...that would be easy. No trouble at all. no planning at all. just get our of bed and start moving around...and you don't even have to do that...

Though i think the thing that bothers me the most about the whole "nice day" thing is that word nice. It's a stupid little pathetic word. It doesn't have character. Nice...

"Isn't he nice?"
"Isn't she nice?"
"Isn't that nice."

I don't care for it. Like the word "fine." Another weak word. Weak words for weak people.

Me-------------------"How are you?"
Someone---------"Fine."

Bullshit. Nobody's fine. hair is fine.

Me--------------------"How's your hair?"
Someone----------"Fine."

That makes more sense.

But then agian some peopel are "great." Ever meet one of these assholes?

"This is great. I'm great. Goddamn, this is great. Look someone got shot in the head, isn't that great?"

Not me. I'm not nice. I'm not fine. Nor am i by any means great. People ask me how i am i usually tell them i don't know. but if i'm in a good mood i'll give them the old "fairly decent." or the "relatively okay." and if i'm in that fairly jaunty mood of mine i might just say "moderately neato...."

yea....moderately neato....

2003-05-26T15:34:00.000-07:00

i'm gonna bitch today.

fun.

well well well well. what a fun year it's been eh? i can honestly say i pretty much hate everyone, as much the same i can say for the people who hate me.

you know i thought (just like everyone else) that atech was different. that i would be able to better know people and such, but i haven't. atech is just a condensed form of the people i hated at my other school. its like taking ten pounds of shit and shoving it in a five pound bag....

you know its funny, just when you think you can get a grasp on people they change. never in a good way though, or atleast the way you would like to perceive it, but they do, even to your best of abilities to stop it, change.

i'm gonna let you, my loyal readers in a little secret of mine that i had planned since the beginning of the year, see i was going to make a huge name for myself, have everyone know me, and think...well let me rephrase that...not know what to think of me, and i think (i am, i think i am) that i have done a pretty damn well good job of doing such. i was going to do this and possibly get a lot of good friends, or atleast they would think i was their good friend, and i was going to leave. right after this year. just to spite the very name and of those that beignly became a part of atech. the other reason for my doing this was because i wanted to go to coronado, sadly to say, to be with my best friend, being that i hardly ever see her any more....

now that you knew what i was going to do, and what i thought i was going to do, we're up to the point on what is actually going to happen. i'm gonna finish up these next few years, sadly, at atech, that is if i can live that long. i'm not going to coronado or leaving at all at that for one simple thing...me best friend in the whole world, the very person i think of more as family and a loved on than people actually a part of it, is moving. leaving. not on her own will but the will of her parents which are getting a new job....damn them.

so there you have it. you, if you plan to stay that is, are going to be stuck with me, if i do live that long that is (and keep in mind, i'm not suicidal, i just have lots of enemies).

oh well...

doesn't matter...i'll probably get hit by a car anyway.

2003-05-24T14:11:00.000-07:00

well else is there to say....i guess instead of preaching it all in a few segments...that i should show you...rather than preach to you...or something something something.

i could write for days one what's wrong when peopel feel it is more necessary to speak correctly, so much so to the point where they are no longer on the same plain as a normal person and can no long have conversations that bear relavance to anything. i can also bitch about how normal people (if i may call them such) are stupid and wouldn't know a definite article from and indefinite article if their lives depended on it.

...but...

i will do neither. i will do neither because there is no point in getting obsessed about words. words are words. we (or i) shouldn't get obsessed with words, being that they (the words, that is) can come and go. think about it....where the hell did nizzle come from? and where did the word groovy go. beats me. but they've come and they've gone and will continue to do so.

well...i don't really have an ending to this, i more over want to get back to my own writing and not this horrible writing that i do on this, maybe i'll start posting some stories of mine on here....

...maybe...

2003-05-21T18:23:00.000-07:00

alright well this won't be a wrap up of what i wanted to wrap up, but more over a segment. i'm going to teach you fucks to write.

firstly poetry, because as i can see a bunch of us whiney angst-y stupid teenages fucks feel it necessary to "express" ourselves through writing circuits that which we would like to call...poetry.

now...i must first explain what poetry is, and not what you think it is, but what it is is what it is... :) poetry is basically music in the form of words. you must have a theme, though it doesn't have to be reoccuring you still need one. you also need some sort of rhythm to it, whether it be the rhymes or the actual stressing and unstressing of words. and as simple as it may be that's all you need. you don't need all that crap about feeling strongly about something, or even caring about it at all. you don't need to express feeling, being that you can't you can only write, and people can interpret it is they may.

now that you know how to do it, sort of, let's talk about what's wrong about teenagers doing it (ha...doing it), and that includes me as well....they mainly talk about love, of some form, either and untouchable perfect love of their life, or a love they long for, or a love they have or something.... or or or they talk about death, mainly by suicide... though if i may point out some people like to write it because they're angry about something....yea...sure...dumbasses...

firstly...love. isn't it interesting, those collocation of sounds: the clear allophone of the voiced divided phoneme gliding to the newest of English vowels, of which, Shakespeare himslef did not know, ending with a soft bite of the voiced labiodental. and its origin? it is indeed very anglo-saxon though it bears its roots in the tuetonic form of the european continent, and if we go back far enough you can see its place in the very primitive Germanic language. but there seems to be something about that word that is even more interesting, to the man, if not the philologist: its real significance when used in such a locution as "someone loves someone else."

fun...still don't see all the fuss about using it in every goddamn poem.

and the other would be...death...sadness...melancholy in general...but if i may point out...in etyomology context what is the difference between say "gay" and "melancholy?" well one is monosyllabic, the other tetrasyllabic. one is french, the other of greek derivation. both can be used as qualifiers, but one can also be used as a noun. so you see, there are differences, but its the context in which gives them their meaning. writing about death is pretty much the same as writing about life when considering all possible circumstance. both mark something of significance. though death may be destruction if you look at it that way, so can life, that is to all surrounded by it. think about it this way...when hitler's mom spread her legs she ultimately stopped the spreading of about 30 million other people's legs. but it was still life.

so let me recap...umm...yea...well...nothign to really recap...so to end this i'll go with an ending to one of my more favorite articles that i've written;

"words in and of themselves mean absolutely nothing. words are only words. things. its when you apply them to something in whcih their meaning comes out. say for example that they started to use the word 'fuck' in place of 'kill' that way in all of the old western movies it would it up as "oh lordie lord they came over and fucked the sherif...""

2003-05-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

you know today i thought about how sad life is.

and no i don't want to kill myself nor am i depressed, down in the dumps, long in the face, or sad by any means. I don't want to talk about my feelings, nor will i be sharing anything with any of you. i feel that in this, or any, that is to say, society, it is best to bottle emotions up and use them at will when, if, necessary.

but life is no longer worth living (if in any doubt as to my state of mind, read the above sentence, dumbass). its sad. we all most admit (and so shall you acquit) that life, or all, that is to say, more over their actions, who dwell within it, is complete and utter bullshit. people are friggin idiots. i first thought of this today when someone showed me poetry. poetry is not what i need at 8 in the morning but hey...whatever. so i'm reading it, and its absolutely crap. it is almost by far some of the worst stuff i've ever read. and i wanted to be nice about it, but my prick-bitch-ass mode came on...and well...yea...i pointed out that in everything, whether it be music, poetry, or writing, that you need a theme, as well as some rhythm, as hard as that might be for some of you to grasp.

let me show you how easy it is to make something up off the top of you head if you just use simple english in a pattern;

"i have so much left inside
(cried, died, lied)
so leave me alone and let me bleed
(left to carry on and heed the seed)"

very simple, took me about 20 seconds to both type and think up. very simple, but follows a pattern it you will note. for example the longest word is 6 letters long; inside. if you will also note, it goes in a pattern of iambics. and and and if you will note, for yet again there is much to note, that their are 3 bisyllabic words...put into a certain pattern, much as you qould find in say music, of theme, variation, theme, variated theme.

poetry, as well as the rest of the english language, by itself, is not very hard to comprehend, unless you're a stupid fuck.

...screw it....i'll wrap up this bitching later...time to write my story....

2003-05-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

a thing.

that's all i am anymore. no one cares that i am a person, a living breathing person much the same as they are, and much the same you are. no one cares.

a thing, a thing, a thing. a goddamn thing. to be used and discarded of. why? what have i done that could reduce me to such a state? i have a bad day, just utterly bad...tired, headache, douches...just bad. what do i get, pencils thrown at me, punched in the stomach, yet more hippie talk, people with attempts to insult me. i don't get a "what's the matter barry" or even a "how was your day" why? because things don't need to be asked such things...

a fucking thing. that's all i am to you people isn't it.

something else starting to piss me off is that people, no matter what i do, do not like, what i do. today, i did my version of the star-spangled banner, blocked the hall, drew a huge crowd to see it, half way decent it was, and what do i get? you suck and all that cal. i could play the exact same thing as hendrix, the same way, with one hand, punching it, same sound...and i'd still get hecklers. oh well, maybe its a good thing. anybody good has never been much admired in their own time, maybe its a good omen of things to come...maybe...or maybe i suck. oh well...

a thing...oh well

2003-05-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

Been awhile since I've "blogged" or whatever the stupid ass term is.

Been doing other things, more important, I guess you could call it, things, as well you could also call that, with my time, with yet another thing that could be replaced with another to yet I have chosen to write it like that. Oh well.

But what?

As if anyone reads this, I know no one comes here, save maybe once a month, if that much. But this is not a blog for the people I suppose, nope its for me to bitch at. Oh well.

Oh yes, what have I been doing. Well a while back, say a couple weeks (not a couple OF weeks...not two, though keep in that frame of mind...two, three should be good enough for [this] example), my dear friend, who happens to be half-way sitting on my lap, half-way on my fucking chair (get your own goddamn it)...got shot, her hole (and not the one I wish I was looking it) looks pretty cool. To think that at first she was in shit ass condition, in fact she died. How fucked up is that? Makes for good stories though...so yea...and and and, while at the hospital she wrote some music, and and and, that very music kicked some serious ass last night, making for over $200 bucks in tips and such, which I, and the rest of the band, bequethed (cool word eh?) all to her. So yea, just thought I'd mention that. And you guys have to hear this song, I mean when I first heard our bandiwand play it, I damn near wet myself. I'm going to try to convince a few people at atech to learn it. I mean it is absolutely kick ass...

Its actually a quartet for quartet I'm now told, makes sense...four of us in the band, four movements...its awesome. I like the first part...for four acoustic guitars...i'm not a big acoustic kind of guy but goddamn its cool...so yea...and i made like 25 bucks or so playing my cool version of the star spangled banner....its pretty cool...punkish...hendrix-ish...classical-ish....alsorts of shit...i can't explain it...sarah has told me to use the word barry...(that being my name for some of you quick ones out there) ok so it is very barry in nature...fun.

well wish me luck...off to go play...music that is...(i think)...maybe not.... :)

2003-05-06T16:27:00.000-07:00

14 Fun and Exiciting things to do at Wal-Mart (yes, we, that is to say Sarah and i, have way too much free time)

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in
people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go
off at 5 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to
the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an
official tone, 'Code 3 in housewares',...and
see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of
M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and
tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in
if they bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin
to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave
me alone?

9. While handling guns in the hunting department
ask the clerk if he knows where the
anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the theme from 'Mission
Impossible'.

11. In the auto department practice your Madonna
look using different size funnels.

12. Hide in the clothing rack and when people brouse
through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!

13. When an announcement comes over the loud
speaker assume the fetal position and scream
NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

and last but not least,

14. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly,
'Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!

(fun fun fun)

And now for fun sentences...

1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tell everybody.
2. Dictate - My girfriend say my dictate good.
3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
5. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.
6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.
7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.
8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel".
9. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.
10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took meto the poolhall.
11. Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle iraq, you break.
12. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?"
13. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say "fortify."
14. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.

(funny funny funny)

Back to Wal-Mart....funny things to buy, or ask for at Wal-Mart.

1. Buy mayonnaise, a broom stick, and band-aids especially if its two guys or two girls doing it.

2. Buy two grapes. Or for good measure buy three grapes and ask for a discount.

3. Buy a whole lot of Depends.

4. (This one is for the guys, strictly for the guys) Buy some tampons and lean over to the clerk and say "They're for me."

5. Ask a clerk if they happen to sell Huffy bikes, sticks of dynamite, baby formula, and anything that can catch on fire without the use of a match.

6. Ask if they sell babies.

7. Buy something with no bar code, or rip it off, and when they go for a price check and someone comes over scream "Oh shit!" and run.

8. When in the hunting department ask if they sell guns, then ask if they sell ammunition. With a yes from that, then ask if they sell any ski masks.

9. Buy Vagisil and a big long sponge, possibly with some latex gloves as well.

10. Buy hemorrhoid lotion or some such thing, and one of those little rings you sit on, but then also buy some ex-lax.

11. Buy a Slipknot cd along with N*Sync.

12. Buy Bambi, along with a frozen meal, one that contains deer meat.

13. Ask a clerk, with a disney tape (or something of that nature) in your hand, if they sell any pornographic material.

14. Ask a clerk a question, but constantly say, "damn jews"

Lastly,

15. Fill a cart to the top. I mean a huge mound of groceries, then look for somebody with less than say five items in line and ask if you can get in front of them. Give them the old "Do you mind? I'm in a hurry."

I guess that will do for now. Time to go have some fun, but what on earth shall we do Sarah (now this is both of us typing together...you know like it would be us saying it together...excpet through the internet...get it?)

MAKE MUSIC (and hot sweet love)...ow damn that got me smacked...just the way i like it...ow goddamn you can hit hard.

2003-05-05T16:02:00.000-07:00

stupid...umm what's it called...html?

oh well.

so yea what an eventful day this has beem eh? apparently my name will always be remembered by pretty much anyone at that school. and its for a fairly stupid reason, but hey i'll tak it right? i'm not known or will be remembered for making a symphony that made people mosh and hand bang and cry and reflect....i will not be remembered for writing a book that everyone could agree upon. no no no. what am i going to be remembered for?

for talking loudly in ms. bouchard's room. if you haven't heard a bit of the story already, then here is how it went. (and by the way, i've heard variations even ranging from me calling her a bitch...but hey...) so here's the "real" story.

as you all know i work in the newspaper, so i hand them out during the classes. all i did was simply go in her room, it was fairly (fucking) quiet, and ;

i just said "here are your newspapers"
from that she said....with her bitchy tone..."next time don't interrupt my class."
i said "ok, read page three."
she said, "ok?" (that pertaining to if i understood not to do what i had done, again).
so i of course ressponded "ok i'll be sure i don't do it again."
Then, i started to leave the class, and as i left i simply said "good bye, have a nice day. (read page 3)"

that's literally it. sad. so yea apparently after that, she asked the class if anyone knew who i was, everyone in the school knowing who i was, would be a total liar to say they didn't. the only person to respond was fucking sam, gave her my name, and even corrected her. "no no its belmont not beaumont" goddamn asshole.

so yea....oh well.

my crappy (slaughtered) society story is in there. it has so many mistakes. the headline is stupid..."society made up of different phases." stupid stupid crap. and even the bit of headline on the front page says..."society made up of FACES." goddamn stupid news paper editors. i told them i wanted the headline to be "Something Wicked this way Comes." would have been more eye catching and such, but no. dumbasses.

well now i am on a mission (getting off topic)...and that is to prove that i listen to the fastest hardest music than anyone else at the school. i usually tend not to care about what other people listen to...since hey, if i don't listen to it, and it pleases you, then bby god knock yourself out. its once people attack my music that i'll attack theirs. so yes...a crusade if you will. i can ensure you that i listen to the fastest, hardest music, and i put out a full contest to anyone that kind find something harder (or faster). so knock yourselves out kiddies.

hmmm...what else is there. oh yes. but of course. i wrote my guitar quartet...going to see if i can convince anyone to play it...most people hat my music...oh well.

hmm...well...enjoy your day i suppose...thats the end of my "blog"

2003-05-04T18:12:00.000-07:00

"and all the choirs of heaven, were screaming
and the piece of steel in my hand is gleaming
and i was a 'flame into being.'
and it was you i was seeing."

i have the piece of lyrics in my head. I've had it in my head a lot lately. why did she have to go. why fucking god did she have to go? and do you think anyone cares? do you? i'm the only one that misses her. i'm the only one who will remember her. i am the only one that will hear her music, or read her stories, gaze upon her satires, or even see her picture. and do you think anyone cares? fuck no. only me.

i should have gone out with her, very shakespearian you know? but i didn't. now what can i do? i can only wallow. i can't wallow on or to anyone. no one wants to hear a damn hippie.

everything in my mind has gone suddenly blank. i can almost hear my heart screaming with pain. its a sharp personal kind of pain that comes when somone to whom you've never done any hamr to turns on you and says goodbye, goodbye forever. with no reason for doing it. i've done nothing to these people. am i to blame for the trouble i'm causing, jsut for being? can any of you ask more from me than to simply live and to be?

why? i have hurt no one. i ry to give people as little problems as possible. i'm not a thief or a murderer. i'm just a man, a guy, no worse and no better than anybody else. all i wanted was to live and to love. that's all i wanted.

but no. i am beyond life. i am beyond death. i'm even beyond hope. i'm gone. i am finished forever.

i see the whole thing now, people want only to froget me. the people i know. the only people in the world that could help me.

every moment in my life since i awoke in darkness and dumbness and terror. everymoment of it i've been concentrating into breaking through to those very people. and when i had done it you know what happened? they refused it. but even then, i kept a vague hope alive. there had always been a 'flame' there to guide the way. but even the 'flame' people are starting to forget. it is losing its glow.

theres no reason for me to even fool myself any longer. you people don't wnat me.

silence and solitude and disertion and lonliness--these are my life now. there's not a single ray of hope from a single 'flame' any more.

no no no i won't let them do this to me. its improssible for one person to do this to another person. its not right its not fair. all i want to do is be let out. i don't want any of that fake affection bullcrap. love means nothing to no one anymore. i don't believe any of you. if i'm never told i'm loved again it will be too soon. and don't say you care. no one cares. you've all let me know that very clearly by this time. all i want to do is slip out undetected and be erased from the world. and all i will have left when i'm gone will be my words and my music. and i want you to remember that. remember that like you've never remembered anything else. not me but what i could make.

and even that will be tainted. people will say no no no this is no good we can't let others see this, and my flame will be blown out and it will be a flame to end everything i've ever had. they don't want to hear me.

then why. why am i writing? why am i composing? you know i've written numerous pieces of music for "friends" do they care? no. i've written numerous stories for "friends" do they care? no. why? why am i doing it?

its all going to be erased...but why? why don't they want me? why are they shutting the coffin lid against me. why don't they want me to speak? why don't they want me to be seen? i've done no wrong. no more wrong than anyone else. what possible reason do you have for being so inhuman?

why? why? why?

i see it now. i see it all now. i'm nothing. i'm a burden. my life is over. i'm a living person with no life. sure i can think and i can choose and all that cal, but i cannot live.

not without her.

"...Daughter of Elysium..."

2003-05-04T10:28:00.000-07:00

Oh friends, not these tones!
Let us raise our voices in more
pleasing and more joyful sounds!

Joy, beautiful spark of the gods,
Daughter of Elysium,
We enter fire imbibed,
Heavenly, thy sanctuary.

Thy magic reunites those
Whom stern custom has parted;
All men will become brothers
Under thy gentle wing.

May he who has had the fortune
To gain a true friend
And he who has won a noble wife
Join in our jubilation!

Yes, even if he calls but one soul
His own in all the world.
But he who has failed in this
Must steal away alone and in tears.

All the world's creatures
Draw joy from nature's breast;
Both the good and the evil
Follow her rose-strewn path.

She gave us kisses and wine
And a friend loyal unto death;
She gave lust for life to the lowliest,
And the Cherub stands before God.

Joyously, as his suns speed
Through Heaven's glorious order,
Hasten, Brothers, on your way,
Exulting as a knight in victory.

Joy, beautiful spark of the gods,
Daughter of Elysium,
We enter fire imbibed,
Heavenly, thy sanctuary.

Be embraced, Millions!
This kiss for all the world!
Brothers!, above the starry canopy
A loving father must dwell.

Can you sense the Creator, world?
Seek him above the starry canopy.
Above the stars He must dwell.

Be embraced, Millions!
This kiss for all the world!
Brothers!, above the starry canopy
A loving father must dwell.

Can you sense the Creator, world?
Seek him above the starry canopy.
Above the stars He must dwell.

Joy, beautiful spark of the gods,
Daughter of Elysium,
We enter fire imbibed,
Heavenly, thy sanctuary.

Be embraced, Millions!
This kiss for all the world!
Brothers!, above the starry canopy
A loving father must dwell.

Can you sense the Creator, world?
Seek him above the starry canopy.
Above the stars He must dwell.

Be embraced, Millions!
This kiss for all the world!
Brothers!, above the starry canopy
A loving father must dwell.

Can you sense the Creator, world?
Seek him above the starry canopy.
Above the stars He must dwell.

Joy, daughter of Elysium
Thy magic reunites those
Whom stern custom has parted;
All men will become brothers
Under thy gentle wing.

Be embraced, Millions!
This kiss for all the world!
Brothers!, above the starry canopy
A loving father must dwell.

Joy, beautiful spark of Gods!
Daughter of Elysium,
Joy, beatiful spark of Gods!

...and...now....for...the...real....German....version...or atleast what i can make of it.

O Freunde, nicht diese Töne,
sondern lasst uns angenehmere
anstimmen, und freundenvollere.

Freude, schöner Götterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium,
wir betreten feuertrunken,
Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!
Deine Zauber binden wieder,
was die Mode streng geteilt:
alle Menschen werden Brüder,
wo dein snafter Flügel weilt.

Wem der grosse Wurf gelungen,
eines Freundes Freund zu sein,
wer ein holdes Weib errungen,
mische seinen Jubel ein!
Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele
sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund!
Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle
weinend sich aus diesem Bund!

Freude trinken alle Wesen
an den Brüsten der Natur,
alle Guten, alle Bösen
folgen ihrer Rosenspur.
Küsse gab sie uns und Reben,
einen Freund, geprüft im Tod;
Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben,
und der Cherub steht vor Gott.

Froh, wie seine Sonnen fliegen
durch des Himmels prächt'gen Plan,
laufet, Brüder, eure Bahn,
freudig, wie ein Held zum Siegen!

Freude, schöner Götterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium,
wir betreten feuertrunken,
Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!
Deine Zauber binden wieder,
was die Mode streng geteilt:
alle Menschen werden Brüder,
wo dein snafter Flügel weilt.

Seid umschlungen, Millionen!
Diesen Kuss der ganzen Welt!
Brüder, überm Sternenzelt
muss ein lieber Vater wohnen.

Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt?
Such ihn überm Sternenzelt!
Über Sternen muss er wohnen.

Freude, schöner Götterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium,
wir betreten feuertrunken,
Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!
Seid umschlungen, Millionen!
Diesen Kuss der ganzen Welt!
Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen?
Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt?
Such ihn überm Sternenzelt!
Brüder, überm Sternenzelt
muss ein lieber Vater wohnen!

Freude, Tochter aus Elysium,
deine Zauber binden wieder,
was die Mode streng geteilt!
Alle Menschen werden Brüder,
wo dein sanfter Flügel Weilt.

Seid umschlungen, Millionen!
Diesen Kuss der ganzen Welt!
Brüder, überm Sternenzelt
muss ein lieber Vater wohnen.

Freude, schöner Götterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium,
Freude, schöner Götterfunken!

If only i could write poetry like that....

shit if only i oculd write music like that...oh well..."let thy weary soul be at ease..."

2003-05-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

"You, you say, you've lost way,
got no reason, for living today."

No one's going to stop you from doing it
no one's going to stop your stupid shit

drop the knife and razor blades
and start the parties and parades

stand up and shout
jump up on your legs so stout

scream and yell and sing and dance
life's just a game, a game of chance

sing along, you know how it goes
and we will run to where no one knows
who we are or where we're from
and where no one can "come get some"

sing it out
i'm alive
sing and shout
i'm alive
__________________________________

funny, how i hate my life right now, and yet i could write that song

one last story tomorrow then i'm shutting this hunk of crap down for good...

"in blood it shall start, in blood it shall end..."

2003-04-30T15:38:00.000-07:00

i hope you all die of syphillis and rot in hell.

today was probably one of the single worst days of my life. i truly hate pretty much everypne at atech, there are say a handful i can stand, a maybe about 3-4 that i can say i like, inside said designated oppropriation, that is to say, atech.

let me first explain about my last two days.

i've got my hand four times, my entire arms have been soaked in blood. not fun. last night as i started to take my shower apparently the hot water heater stopped running, so yea, fuck it i'll take and cold shower, doesn't bother me. so after my shower i go and check the hot water heater, you know to fix it and such...then...my sister took a shower. felt the water cold, bitched to my parents. parents in return bitched at me to fix the hot water heater. so here it is at about 9:30 and i'm in the garage fixing a goddamn hot water heater. i left it for say about five minutes and my dad fiddled around with it, it apperently blew right before he worked on it, because we know my parents are wizards with tools and would never screw anything up. by now its about 10 and i decide to scrounge around my garage for things i can bodge this with. i final fix it, at say maybe 12. of course i don't get any sleep. no no no that would jsut be too good for me, so aimless i wrote music, in the dark. walked to my bus stop. rode the bus, on the bus i realized it was my birthday. sad.

and since we're on today, let's talk about today...and why i'm on the verge of either killing myself or about forty other people.

firstly in biology, i was cutting some wire for a project and cut my hand, no big deal, just yet more pain for me. hey and why should anyone else feel pain, let me instead be the scape goat for all follies in the world. of course during this period i hear numerous hippie remarks and such like i get everyday.

now for you that don't know, calling me a hippie is not funny, it never was funny, it never will be funny...but what am i to do, everyone does it so that justifies the means...right?

math. fourth period. umm let's see, not half bad actually, most enjoyable class, nothing wrong with it at all today.

lunch, no one was there. people threw shit at me, get a hair cut hippie and such.

fifth period. tried to do something nice for a friend, apparently i am useless after all. i couldn't do one simple thing...i think we should all just kill this "stupid hippie fuck" he's useless anyway. what will the world be missing? those little 10 iq points he has to him, or the 15 inches of hair, ah i think we can manage, let's just scrap him and start over. the stupid useless fuck....

eighth. technology. i really do hope most the people in that class are strapped to chairs and beaten with hammers. i hope that one day they're just lit on fire. i hope they die. i literally hope that they all get their dicks cut off and the stumps are dipped in lemon juice...i mean between sticking hot glue in my hair, the hippie remarks, taping my hair, or sticking velcro in it, what isn't there to like about that class.

the one day i wished to have solice. i didn't care if people didn't know it was my birthday. its nice that hmm let's see....ONE fucking person did, but yea. i really hated when people said happy birthday to me after hearing it from someone else, fucking douches, they don't mean it. if they don't mean it, they shouldn't say it. i'd rather have the silent truth than a spoken lie.

i fucking hate pretty much anyone...here's how to know if i hate you right now...if you didn't either have me do something, or do something to me then i don't hate you....but if you did, please god leave me the fuck alone right now...

you know, when i realized it was my birthday today i thought god would be nice. you know a happy day. god just sort of looked down on me and said "yea happy day my ass. not on this killing spree. this day's going to end in a homicide, or possibly even a suicide."

well god might just get his way...

2003-04-29T15:43:00.000-07:00

alright let's type.

firstly i should get you all caught up...had a dear friend of mine get shot recently, got sad, yada yada yada, all the cal, so i wrote the crappy poetry. yada yada yada...umm...i suppose thats it.

let's type.

let's go over a few things that have happened...umm...opened up for gaelic storm awhile ago, yea that was cool. made a new bass solo today. trying to learn something on the piano, rabble rabble rabble...moving on.

today...first period...my english project..did it in a matter of like an hour...not bad for an essay if i do say so myself...if you'd like to read it tell me...if not...piss off...yea well that was a joy.

second period...haven't done shit in there in a while.

oh and by the way i have an a in english...amazing eh?

third period...minded my own business....towards the ends the teacher and douche-y editors decide to fuck me over and make me go in one of their cars to this field trip thing...i got pissed and complained....then they gave me the senior will slips then...what dumbasses...so yea those ended up strewed about the 600s hall.

while i was in fourth period my journalism teacher sent down a student to get me...to tell me i can't go on the trip....so fuck them. dumb fucks...

fifth period....holmes is here for two days...yes yes yes....i've learned more today than i have in months

lunch...normal lunch...good times....

sixth period...douche-y handball...i actually had to teach the other team the tactics of war...they almost won too...too bad they started to suck towards the end.

seventh period...biology...douche-y

eighth...yea...meh....technology...nothing that special...though someone in there doesn't like Led Zeppelin...what the hell is wrong with some people? stupid mag-thingies....yea

ummm to wrap this up...as only maureen pointed out, tomorrow is in fact my birthday. one year closer to the end right? oh well...i don't expect crap....shit i didn't even remember my birthday, nor did my parents, or anyone else for that matter....just another step closer to obscurity right? oh i can't wait....to be obscure that is....have no one know me...oh it will be great...

but yea...that's all for now...enjoy.

2003-04-23T16:56:00.000-07:00

there once was a time
yes many years ago
when i would just love
anyone i'd care to know.

such a feeling is not quite right
as i came to realize on one sad night

one faithful night.

on the night, the world become all to real
forced to live a lie that i must feel
that i'd never truly meant what i said
and the one i had love, wound up dead.

never did i give one hug, or a single kiss
never did i think that this would happen to me
never had i thought of the future, not once
never did i want someone to die, untimely.

but all was in due time i guess you could say
for because on that very day
i began to question all the words i've said
and realized that i was in way over my head.

i began to not throw around such powerful phrases
and it began to show in my mental phases
and throught it all, i didn't care
through it all, i began to be fair.

i was now true to myself
and true to my own
my down spirits would crush
their hearts of stone.

more and more did time pass,
when along came a fairly fair lass
one i would truly love
and one i could truly love.

liking came to friendship
and friendship to eternal bonding
based solely on the love of each other
and us only responding.

and one tragic night,
their came a ringing
when all the choirs of heaven
they were singing

mourning the earth's one great loss
and praising heaven's one great gain
this best friend
had just now been slain.

slain by the needle,
and not the thread,
slain by the needle,
of one true dread.

"i've seen the men use the needle,
i've seen the needle use the man"
it does what it does, for one simple reason,
and that's because it can.

two dear losses, and no dear loves
one more could be worse than ever
two true beauties, and no one's left
no one's ever coming back, never.

sadness is living
happiness is dying,
melancholy is laughing
and love is crying,

yet another friend has walked in on me
and i looked for personality,
the one thing i want to see.

this will be my final love,
if i may call it such
i will keep this one near me,
within my clutch.

and from this love bloomed
and i looked upon her,
and new she was doomed.

doomed for me,
that is to say,
her destiny.

if she were to be,
right here,
next to me,
what could i ask of her?
to be a friend,
to be my love,
or that she will one day,
rise high above.

i should have known one more would die
and i knew it would come
but please don't look down on me,
remember i'm dumb.

please no more love,
please no more lies,
for anyone that dares to love,
eventually dies.

please stop the love,
please begin to hate,
live long and prosper,
fall not victim to fate...

hate me, hurt me,
cut me, bleed me,
do not love this poor damn fuck,
with all his poor damn luck.

love him, love her,
not me, that's for sure.

love is suicide,
love is suicide...

2003-04-22T16:58:00.000-07:00

Upon the wooden cross lay her weary body
A put-to-rest weary soul
From the hearts of her loved, diamonds
From the hearts of her hated, coal.

Upon the Celtic cross, intricately woven,
Is a mind intricately thought
With no other joy in life
Then to see the joy she brought.

Upon the Knight's Cross,
So cold,
Is a person, who'd
Never fold.

Upon the Tuetonic cross,
Carried on high.
Is a fair maiden,
To live, to die.

To live is to die
A relief with a sigh
To love is pure death
A weak last breath.
A weak last breath
Of a strong last hero
If only things could last one more second,
But now we're at point zero.
The point where everyone's wrong
And no one's the same
We're all fed an ample rage
That is all too hard to tame.

There are some decent things
In this very cruel world
There are some lovely entities
In this very evil world.

I cannot stop what's happened this date
I can only look away
But must my eyes, with all their sites,
Now turn away,
Or shall those spheres
Now moist with sadness,
And eternal fears
Uphail to this madness
And hold back the tears.

The tears from the eyes
That my eyes gaze upon
The globes of this fair cruicified beauty
Have now gleamed in the sun.

I see it now
They're very clear
Like the maiden herself
So is this very tear.

She's still beautiful in her death
Though hardly are those crosses
She has left us, like many many others,
Left us only to count our losses...

Please don't leave us now,
Like this; cross-ed.
Don't leave us now, like this,
Without you we're lost...

live.....................................................................................please

2003-04-16T17:47:00.000-07:00

War.

Our country is “at war” with terrorists. Or is it Iraq? I don’t quite know and I don’t quite want to know. You know why? Because that is what has entrenched us. Our media, our TV, our conversations wherever we go, we have war on the brain and war at the mouth, but there is little anyone can do about the war now is there?

Now, I realize that we are a very war-like people, that’s how this country was founded. Farmers with pitchforks and muzzle-loaders fought the British out of here, then we went over and took the rest of the land from the Mexicans and Indians, giving us a place to launch our nuclear weapons at the Japanese. We have war in our blood and we have yet to go a generation without war. Every since our conception of this fine country of ours, we’ve been fighting something. And when there is no one to fight, we turn to things. Which then goes back to our war-like behavior. We have the war on AIDS. The war on poverty. The war on cancer. If we don’t like something, we declare war on it. We have the only national anthem with rockets and bombs mentioned in the thing.

So now with this war in us, and now back to being all around us, I’ve tried my best to stay out of it. I do not believe that people will take my political views as seriously as they take their own, as will I not take theirs into mine. Everyone’s got their own opinion and they believe they are right no matter what. There is no point in quibbling over something as stupid as politics.

But because I’ve yet to escape it, I must now give into the problem rather than try to solve it. But first let me give you my credentials on the subject of war.

I’ve studied war since I can remember. I’ve found it quite interesting. I find some amusement and shock in that, people can become that angry. If people can become angry as to the point of wanting to kill anyone who stands in their way, they have my full attention. I do not believe war is about politics. I do not believe politics should even come into it. Politicians do not know how to fight, they lack both the military knowledge and, for lack of a better phrase, “guts” to fight. They sit behind their desk of inscrutable power; they have nothing to fear, except that of not getting elected again…

Back to war.

Back to this war. This war that should have never happen. The war that will disarm Saddam of his nuclear briefcases, his weapons of mass destruction that will entrench America in a cloud of radiation, and to restore law and order to a war torn and politically naïve nation. Let’s just review that shall we?

Firstly, those nuclear briefcases I heard about while flipping around on the ol’ boob tube. Now for those of you that don’t know it takes a very large amount of Uranium to create an atomic bomb, or anything of that manner. So much of an amount that a briefcase of any stature would not be able to carry it. Even if you could manage to squeeze all that in there, that briefcase would weigh hundreds of pounds. And the most that would do would to blow up one city block. Not worth it…

Secondly. These weapons of mass destruction that will entrench the US in a cloud of radiation. Almost word for word of what I hear on the good old viddy. Saddam does not have a running nuclear arms project that works yet, like most of you think, the nuclear reactor he had, cracked over 12 years ago. A few of you might point out that he could very well just buy some nuclear weapons from Russia…yea…so? So could I if I had a few million dollars to throw around. Point is he won’t, you know why? Because if he could, he would have done it already.

Back to the weapons of mass destruction. Now these weapons could not have more than at most 10 million megatons to them, being that they are using Python missiles, the ones used by Russia during WW2. Now just for comparison, the US had planes back in the 50s that could carry a bomb load of 60 megatons. One plane.

Not only could the weapons that Saddam has not blow much of anything up, nor could they entrench us with radiation. Let me explain. To create a cloud of radiation Uranium needs to be smashed to the point of a fine, fine powder. Now let’s take Las Vegas for instance. In order to cover Las Vegas with this radioactive cloud you would need about 250 square miles. Being that Uranium is about 4,500 pounds per square meter you would need about 6 semi’s worth of carrying space just to get this all here. Now at the going rate of $38 per pound of this stuff it would cost quite a pretty penny to cover a measly city like Las Vegas.

Weapons of mass destruction…pfff.

And we all have to admit; we know that this is a war of oil. We are going there for oil. We want oil. And then people complain about how much we waste gas. Then they complain the price of gas. But I’ve yet to see anyone in congress point out that the world as a whole burns off more than a billion gallons of gasoline everyday. Everyday.

I’ve also yet to hear a congressman say what we all think, so I’ll say it for them. I know none of us care about the people of Iraq. We don’t know them, they don’t know us. They’ve been dying for years, and now that it’s on film, we care. But we don’t. We don’t care. And why don’t we care. It’s sick that we don’t, but we don’t.

What we need to do is all finally realize that soldiers don’t hate other soldiers. Sailors don’t hate rival sailors. They have to realize that the people that hate each other are not in charge of us. We can all stand up and rise. We can sit and do nothing. We are people. What more do we want? Let us all band together, not to fight, but to create. It will not be us to die. We will not be bred to be slaughtered. It will not be us.

No no no, it will not be us. It will be you—you who urge us on to battle. You who incite us against ourselves. You who would have one man who wants to live kill another man who wants to live. You who would have one man kill another man for the sake of one more death to the other side. You who would have one man who works kill another man who works; it’s the ultimate hypocrisy. You would send one man to kill and to die, just to kill and to die.

Remember this. Remember this well, you who plan for the war. Remember this you patriots, you fierce ones, you spawners of hate, you inventors of slogans. Remember this like you’ve never remembered anything else in your lives.

We are people of peace. We are people that work and we want no quarrel. But if you destroy our peace, if you take away our work, if you try to range us one against another, we will know what to do. If you tell us to make the world safe for democracy, by God and by Christ we will make it so. We will use the guns you have forced upon us. WE will use them to defend our lives. The menace to our lives does not lie on the other side of a no-man’s-land. No no no, it lies within our own boundaries. Here and now we have seen it and we know it.

Put the guns into our hands and we will use them. Give us the slogans and we will turn them into reality. Sing the battle hymns and we will pick them up where you left off.

Not one. Not ten. Not ten thousand. Not a million. Not ten million. Not a hundred million. Not a billion. Six billion. Six billion of us; people of the world. We will have our slogans and we will have the hymns and we will have the guns and we will use them, and we will live. Make no mistake about it, we will live. We will be alive and we will walk and talk and eat and sing and laugh and feel and live and love. We will live in security, in decency, and in peace.

You plan the wars, you masters of men, you plan the wars and point the way, and we’ll point the guns…

2003-04-09T15:44:00.000-07:00

This story will not be for the weak of heart, the "morally concerned," nor for anyone unable to even consider that maybe other people could be right. So all of you, yea, just leave.

Today boys and girls we're going to be writing about pot and some history about it. So let's get to it right?

Pot, weed, cannabis, Mary Jane, call it what you want, but we all know what it is, and what it can do. But there are also a few things that some people might not know that pot can do. Pot can be made into hemp to make cheap furniture, paper, and numerous industrial purposes as well can be added to pot's resume deluxe.

Now if you notice what hemp can do, that being paper and furniture and such, you'll notice that lumber, or trees, for you common folk, can also be used. Now let's talk about trees for a moment shall we?

Trees require many years to grow. They usually sap the soil of its nutrients after a while, and are very hard to maintain.

Now trees have their own business so to say. And it goes by the name, The National Lumber Association. And for a brief moment let's talk about the National Lumber Association. The National Lumber Association is one of the single biggest companies on the face of the planet. For every tree cut down, for ever 2x4 used, for every sheet of paper, they get money, thus making them very very rich. And they're in a field all their own, what else can be used in place of trees and wood for paper and industrial purposes?

Our dear old friend pot, that's who. Pot is a very unique in that it doesn't actually need much maintainence, its cheap to grow, easy to produce, doesn't take long to get to its full height, and, and, and, it doesn't have to actually be rotated when grown. Most plants and crops must be rotated in different plots of soil from year to year since they will eventually deaden the soil, the Dust Bowl taught us about that, whereas pot doesn't have to be rotated. In fact the longer you grow pot in a certain place the richer the soil gets.

So why is it, that this plant-of-all-trades, isn't used as often as it should be? I'll tell you why.

The National Lumber Association sponsered a movie called Reefer Madness in 1936. Reefer Madness is about how a nice southern daisy; a girl who used to get straight A's and was a perfect student, decided to take pot. While an anti-drug crusader lectures concerned citizens, the twon's innocent teens are drawn into a vice-ridden web of reefers, jazz and the insanity they provoke. This then leads itself to numerous people, who happened to have taken pot, to die or go insane.

Now why on earth would the National Lumber Association sponser this movie? No it's not becuase they think pot is morally bad. No it's not because they want to rid the world of evils. Its because they want to corner the market. You don't see them sponsering anti-heroine movies do you? I don't see them with that new anti-crack blockbuster coming out anytime soon. It's so they can have the market of mainly making paper.

Have you ever seen the way paper is made? It's not a pretty process. Trees are shreaded into tiny bits, then mashed together with wood, until it's a pulp, then is pressed into long sheets, dried, cut to the paper as we know it, and shipped out. It's not pretty to watch, nor is it to smell. One resident of Minnesota where there are numerous lumber mills and paper plants commented, "You can smell this town 50 miles down wind on a good day.

So I'd like you to ask to yourself: Why is pot considered so bad?

2003-04-04T16:22:00.000-08:00

i feel like tackling something that everyone always talks about. you can't get away from it i suppose...so rather than look at it from a person in the perspective of one who talks about it...let's make it one who will twist it for you...

it's this love, boy friend-girl friend, nadsat bullshit that is not only enforced and inviced in us since the sixth grade, now even down to kindergarden (how fucking sick)....now i, only having the few relationships that i've had, all of which have ended very badly, sigh, oh well. so now i get to ramble on about how much these "Relationships" suck some serious ass.

firstly (as i usually start my rants) let me point out that people tend to say i love you to the other person within a few days of a relationship...jesus. love is what you make of it i guess, but jesus harold christ, i would not know within a week's time if i loved someone...it took me like a month to say i love you...to the very love of my life...and you fucks say it like its nothing...stupid nadsats.

secondly...let me also point out that with this un-abiding love these two individuals supposedly (and apprehendibly) have for each other, that they fight. i know that it is normal to fight and argue and confrontational bullshit with any person...and it can happen a lot when you have feelings of a high nature for someone...but jesus.

thirdly...relationships now seem to be based more over on looks. i'm gonna once and for all try to prove this to people who can't get it through their fucking heads...there is no such thing as a decent guy. not a single damn one of them...guys will always choose a pretty person over and ugly person any day of the week. there is not one single guy that would fuck oprah over say pam anderson (though if i do say so myself...pam anderson gave std's a bad name) not a single damn guy... all men are shallow, get over it.

forth-ly...when people say they like someone's personality what they mean is "good looking tits" something along the lines of "you make me feel like a better person" also means either, "god you're fucking stupid but since i don't want to hurt you i'll say that." or...or...it can mean "you get me hard." i'm a guy...and let me explain this to you...god has played a cruel trick on us...he gave us a dick and a brain... and only enough blood to run one at a time.

fifth-ly...relationships that will last...will last. if two people love each other, not you, i, nor god in heaven above can stand between them.

and i guess to wrap this up i'll do a final thought...jerry springer style...

high school relationships rarely last. they are more over just a way to get all that hormonal, god-i-want-to-fuck-it rage out of us. whether you go out with someone for love or lust you must heed responsiblity and not be such a dick about it. you shouldn't very well just break someone's heart and not care about it. even if you have no feelings for the other person they might truly love you. i can't force you to love someone, that's what you have to do. i also can't stop the fighting you have with that person. but if you truly love someone, and they truly love you, i think you two should stop being such douches about it and get back together. i mean because if you two actually took a look at yourselves, you'd realized how friggin retarded for each other you are...

but i can't force anything, that's where you come in, its your choice, and do as you damn well please.

2003-04-03T16:04:00.000-08:00

yada yada yada yo soy yoda

this will be a very inbriated blog to say the least...not to mention very very wordy...and since a few people believe wordy is about three pages i must warn you, this will be about that if not more...but hey, i seem to have some loyal readers who go the full nine and read all of it....yea bullshit...but yea...

firstly lets start off with hmm...the morning bus ride. not bad...had two energy drinks...big ones...then i took out a latex glove and starting making some jokes with it...good times...i went from condoms to finger condoms to tits...hey it flows better when you have 8 ounces of sugar running through your blood stream. so yea...needless to say that didn't entirely suck ass...

let's see from there i think i went to school...ah yes...i did...then went to first period...did absolutely nothing in there. a good waste of an hour and a half of my time that i will never be getting back if i do say so myself...

form there...to second period...in which instead of doing work decided to work on what will now probably be my last piece of music thanks to a douche which i'll mention later. so yea...better than doing shit right?

from there it was to lunch...meh...boring lunch today...few good laughs but either than that...moving on.

third period...since we've been such a good class and worked so hard they threw us a party. now let me explain something. parties in and of themselves do no occur in las vegas...i have been to a few in my day and let me tell you...bad music...bad drinks...bad food...people drinking non alcoholic drinks and zima thinking they are getting wasted so decide to act like asses...parties have been mentioned more and more frequently as of late...i have no idea why though.

now parties can't happen in vegas, much less in the most pathetic school in all of las vegas, so yea, but hey as long as i got to write my music with no interruption i have little or no complaints...

sixth period i got to play hockey...two good games...first one was 12 to 8 and the next was tied and 2 to 2 (2 2 2 :) but yea...it was like me and rocky scoring...he got lucky a lot today and scored like 6 goals or something...i however got tripped on my bad knee, not to say that made me any worse but hey it hurts like a bitch...

oh but before sixth period i found 3 bucks lying on the ground and during lunch i was able to scrap 3 quarters out of the pay phones at atech...i like pay phones with no fail safe...

so yea i offered a few people drinks...only one actually took me up on it...but after that i got to go play the piano in the cafeteria...that's when i was at total bliss...

.then.

some douche being the douche that they are and shall remain, decided to take the cow bell, now if you are unfamiliar with a cow bellit is a piece of steel design to make a loud semi vibrato ringing and a half way staccato. thist douche (being the douche he is) decides to take that, put it by my ear, and hit it as hard as he can. now when the opening to this cow bell is right on your ear you're going to be hurt very much by its effects. me also being deaf is not a plus either...i now believe i am completely deaf in my right ear...i haven't been able to hear for about 3 hours now...god i hate douches...

thus this last thing i wrote (music wise, as stated earlier in my blog) might be my absolute last...i just hope left ear holds out, man...

2003-04-02T19:46:00.000-08:00

tra la la la la la la let's play in the forest ever so gay
with the wind to our backs and birds on our tracks
we'll never be found again
yet to be lost in ours
never to be found again
lost for hours and hours and hours...

its sad that i can write poetry with no feeling. is that where i differ from everyone else? i talk to people who have a hard time writing stuff, whether it be for pleasure or practical purpose, that is to say, school work. people often complain about how bad they write and how they wish they could write better. and i know people that are creative writers. one of the best writers in our entire journalism class, one who's been in every issue, she writes very well, but she perfers creative writing. and i don't knwo why i typed that, just a little too lazy to go back and delete it, damn me and my damn ways, damn. but i mentioned creative writing.

people seem to be like inspired or by what bog's ends they can scrap, in order to write something. i just don't know what it is. i have little or no "inspiration" to write most of the things i bring to you. i don't know. what's wrong with me? or wait...what's the hell's wrong with all of you? needing something to tickle your goddamn fancy in order to put out a squib of writing. tehn bitching and moaning about how bad you write, or how bad your hand writing is, or how bad you are at math, or ho wyou don't know that shit, you ignornat whores. what the fuck is wrong with you? you'll admit to having bad hand writing or being bad at math but not a single damn one of you will admit to having no personality or the sense of humor or a necrophiliac passed out on a bench from a bad heroine trip.

whoa...what was that....see you can see how people piss me off as i write this thing...then ever so cool-y i'll have "friends" reassure (piss me off) to the point where as i'm not pissed...i guess.

its kind of funny, i often complain about how people never leave me alone, yet if one of my "friends" is "sad" i'l try to pry answers out of them. i am such a hypocrite. and whats the one excuse all of us douches use to try to help people...."if you tell me, i'll leave you alone?" what kind of shit is that? no they won't...what they will then ask is why i feel that...and more shall spurt of that...why can't people just leave me the fuck alone sometimes. i sometimes wish that all people with the ability to type would just get a big tumor at the base of their spine.

oh well...and speaking of douches and tumors let's talk about yet more moronic people that need to be thrown screaming form a helicopter. i'm getting tired of people who smoke...but hey...i enjoy watching people smoke. i enjoy watching their jolly faces sucking away at their burning money in their sealed off little areas developing their little cancers and tumors. i enjoy knowing that in a few years they'll have a little malignant tumor right in the middle of their foreheads, creases all over their face, black lungs, and will have wasted away more money than i've ever seen...but hey...what ever blows their skirt up.

feeding the addiction
i begin to feel it seep in
feeding the addiction
death began to creep in.

sucking at the fire
it was at a dyer
it was a dyers eve
as i suck at the seave

all i wanted all i needed
was stamped labeled and impeded
one last puff for the road
but i'm asleep at the wheel
this one last puff i am owed
to fall asleep at the wheel
one last time
never to awake again
one last time
and no more bad pain
feeding the addiction
i began to feel
as i was feeding the addiction
i fell asleep at the wheel...

see how easily poetry is created? shit...i should start writing poetry for people...well i already have...but shit...anyone who wants a poem to them...tell me...damn poetry is easy...

2003-04-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

la la la la la la la la la la la la

i wish people would stop obsessing on stupid things. things of little or no importance. like grades. get this, if you are anything but white, that is to say something along the lines of black, mexican, asian, so on, you get 20 points automatically for a college application. now to put that into perspective i'll simply point out that getting straight a's (or for you quick witted people...) a 4.0 you will get 20 points as well. if you write a good essay you get 1 point. if your parents went there you can get up to 15 points. nation wide recognized clubs can get you 1 point each, and each additional club can get you up to a half point. now none of this will actually secure a scholarship...sadly to say, being able to run fast will...sad state of affairs would you not say?

well enough about school...let's heed my advice and when we don't like something, ignore it...shall we? or we can go with what i actually do and bitch our asses off. hmm....tough one.

i think i'm getting tired of other people's websites. i don't know why i read them anymore. not to say mine is good, but people tend to put a little too much effort into it. or or or just because they have tits or something of that nature tend to get numerous visitors. i tend to find it very funny, and i hope most of you will notice this as well, that people with tits, good looking tits mind you, no man tits or old lady sags, i mean nice tits, notice that these people get the most hits to their websites. and i guess that's not my main reason either. i think my main reason for not liking websites anymore has to be that there is so much stupid shit on each one of them. and i'm not saying mine is great, mine is one of the worst, nothing but opinions that are trivial and stupid in nature...but other people just...meh...god i really do hate most people's opinion.

i don't knwo why, i do realize there is no such thing as a right or wrong opinion, nor is there a wrong way to look at things. i mean you say tomato and i say tomato (shit...that doesn't translate well through the internet does it?) oh well...i don't know anymore. people i used to respect throughly when it came to their opinion on a matter, but now, seeing some stupid shit they do. when people are around other people they are a lot closer with they become stupid. see this is why i have no true friends. no one will actu stupidly around me. people will do some of the stupidest shit that man has yet thought of in front of their friends. people always try to give me their wry comments or their stupid insults. all i get are "stupid hippie"-s and "get a hair cut" god forbid anybody come up with something a little bit more original.

and thats another problem i have i guess, i have like this pet peeve about saying the same thing twice. if i say an insult to someone along the lines of you fart capper...i would then have to say something like ass helmet or turd stopper to someone else...jsut for the sake of language.

oh well...i suppose i should stop, that is to say if anyone is still reading...i might write something later. as if anyone cared...no one even comes here any more...

2003-03-31T16:23:00.000-08:00

well that was a nice little break...thought i was going to take like a month or atleast a week off but i guess i don't need that much time eh? i guess when you either can't have something or don't have something, makes you want it that much more.

and this will be the point of this blog. and because i like my audience to be broad (and broads), diverse (and perverse), and lacking in words (for lack of a better phrase) i plan to make this one that maybe i don't necessarily feel, and maybe you don't actually feel, but we all have felt in the past or shall in the future, so let's get started.

i firstly mentioned that when you can't have something, it makes you want it even more. come on now tell me that's not true? if you can't bear eyes on something, you want to see it. if you can't lay arms on something, you strive to touch it. if you can't let one rip in a waiting room trying to see the doctor for the tumor in the middle of your head, then by god you are going to let one go that even the trumpeters in heaven will go "you're good."

and by now i hope you have all realized that i, your humble writer, do have a fair knowledge of psychology. and as such this feeling that we all eventually "feel" is perfectally natural. its all in human nature to want what we can't want. how the fuck do you think we got that nasty little original sin in us? fucking adam and eve wanting that one fucking apple from the one fucking tree god told them not to touch. figures.

but doesn't that make people so great? see i guess this is why i could never be a true pessimist nor realist, i just have to much hope for human potential (of now how fag-y did that sound?) but seriously. i just think that people no matter how horrible they are in every way, always have that one way to change who they are. and i realize that people bettering themselves is about as likely to happen as me getting a blow job from an eskimo model from pakistan with a slight lisp, a hump that makes her look like a jumbo shrimp, and for sets of three stooges plates, while jesus christ is ressurected by the noise of yanni getting shot in the head...one can only hope right...but hey fuck hope...back to what i was talking about prior to this little excursion, i'll be back to this latter topic, later...

in fact, you know what, i'll wrap it up, i want a different topic anyway, so in about 3 hours or so from this bit of writing, shall be new writing...yippie dippie skippie says the hippie

its nature to want what we're not supposed to want. but fuck that. want what you want. but here's my little bit of advice for it. my tree fity, since we know my opinion (in my opinion) is better than all your opinions...moving on...my advice for those that have wanted something they so badly couldn't, two things, either make light of it, and want it, say you want it, be not afraid, or

STOP FUCKING PISSING AND MOANING AND GET OVER IT ALREADY YOU STUPID BITCH!!!

i hope the person to who that is addressed knows damn well who they are...

2003-03-27T18:58:00.000-08:00

"if you don't understand my silence
then you'll never understand my words..."

2003-03-26T21:35:00.000-08:00

i think this is going to be kind of funny when it all comes down to it...come to think of it.

basically what i am doing is rushing to get a lot of entries i should have written a long time ago out write now...its weird, because in a sense this won't really matter...but hey i'm gonna do it anyway.

and i know that as soon as i'm done writing everything i've written for this one last hurrah, that as soon as i'm done...i'm gonna think of things i should have said...things like this occur to me often, all my wry and witty comments are no match to my thought out and intricated things that i wish i could have said. but what's done is done and what's life, but a near death experience.

maybe what i need is a new outlook, on everything in general. se because as most of you have noted and known me much the same, i'm the stupid idiot fuck whose opinion is never much valued beyond the point of mockery. i'm usually made fun of...or atleast the people attempt to try to begin to start to endure that long horrible ordeal it would be to insult me. but meh...maybe i should just change that all...maybe i should be "the quiet one" you know they always tell you to watch the quiet ones...but let's say you're at a bar and there is some guy jsut idle-y sipping his whiskey at the bar and some guy comes roaring in with a machete...banging it on the counter screaming "I'M GONNA KILL THE NEXT PERSON TO TALK!!!" now think carefully...which one would you be more weary of? oh well.

maybe i should become just like everyone else...you know i have long feared that i would be just like everyone, but hey, maybe its not as bad as it seems, i mean i would never have to think for myself, or act differently, or express any actually emotion outside what the group would want me to feel...yea that's the hig life...and just think of all the bumper i could harness it too.

or possibly should i explore the realm of a true idiot. you know the people who listen for all the "funny" lyrics in songs, and the ones who think america is not a free country. yea maybe that would be cool.

or maybe i should express my asian pride, or my white disgust for myself, or my loathing jew-ism, or quite possibly my black-ness inside. yea that could be it, i could be a racial stereotype, i mean i wouldn't have to do anything short of a few hey heys here and a few crackers there...maybe its not that bad.

wait now hold on i have one that could really wokr, maybe i should become a stereotypical "goth" wouldn't that be fun...maybe for just a day...you know just to see what its like to go neo nazi wearing my iorn cross black lipstick plack make up and black everything...could be fun...

or or or how about a game freak geek thing....wouldn't that be great...knowing the top secret code that will not only enable me to take the pants off of all the people in the game but will show the nipples of my "enemies" through their fake armor....but no i don't have the money for that.

hmmm....maybe the way i have it, isn't so bad. i mean all i have to do is say a few insulting things every now and then while pointing out the flaws of not only myself but everyone around me in an attempt to make myself feel better about not only being a stupid jerk off hunk of crap, but an ugly fuck monkey...

you know i always thought it was fun to watch people as they act...because no two people are exactly the same...there will never be the exact same people...and it makes me happy, because at one point in everyone's life they will bitch and moan and piss off that one "special" someone whom they love so much. i get a little reassurance in my capability to live my life to the fullest when i know that the two people in love with being in love sitting next to me are going to end up shooting each other in the faces that they so much admired, (as they so much desired) at one point in their meaningless little lives.

maybe this life thing isn't as tricky as it seems, and why should you all have all the fun, it should be long to everyone, not anyone in fact, but me why i'd like to have some fun, and there's no reason i couldn't find, someone's poor defenseless mind to confine...and thus poetry is born...more to be discussed later...

2003-03-26T19:37:00.000-08:00

la di da freaking da...

see me being the person i am, i'm going to have to get this all off my chest now.

firstly i will be tackling three issues....so yea i don't know how i am going to chromate that but i'll think of something. those three issues are going to be this war business crap...suicide....and a combined effort of each with...the stupidity at atech. this will be obnoxious, most likely notorious and its things like this that i write that keep me from getting the really good grades at school...so shall we be getting started then.

firstly (or secondly since i already used firstly...see this is where chromatics fuck up everything...see because rather than getting to the poing like i should i have just wasted a whole lot of my words explaining how much this crap sucks....good god i'm such a hypocrite) ok...so (blank)ly this war crap. this war is not a normal war. for one reason its being filmed. now the first thing they did in World War II was to be sure that the enemy knew nothing. and we took over their airwaves as soon as we could, because when you have power of the media and ultimately power of propaganda at such a wide spread level...you have power in general. see this is where we differ now. now we have all these scum of the earth twits that are known as journalists "covering" this war with up to the minute graphic news for us. see this crap all started with the vietnam war...that's why we lost. you can't mix war/media/ and politics together and expect for people to take us seriously. this war will be like no war we have ever fought since no one in charge knows what they're doing about jack shit anymore. let me put it this way...just for the sake of logic...we have the most powerful weapons ever to grace mother earth's surface and they have puny balsa wood drone plans and scuds from pre cold war times...and yet we're afraid of them. jesus harold christ...

now that that's out of the way let's talk about suicide, because we all know i know about suicide. and for all the people who apparently come to my site and leave nothing but a mark on the surface without ever actually saying anything or making yourself clear, or just at that not knowing much about me nor really wanting to...i'll simply point out, just to make my statement above more imminent...i have had 3 suicides in my life. sadly they were some of the closest people i ever knew, one being the absolute closest i've to this point and will ever get to someone...that said...i do know a thing or two about it. i never really had any respect for people who like to make public their desire to die...you want to die, fucking die and leave me out of it. i do how ever respect people who decide by some off chance have had some troubles that they've kept to themselves and decide to just snuff it with no publicity about it at all, in the quiet of their own home, just to be yet another face no one to remember. i respect that in an off sort of way. and if you really are pissed at the world, i know this will sound almost evil in its sincerity, but if you really want to get back at the world, get really depressed, to the point everyone thinks you're going to do it, then get real happy all of a sudden, so much so to the point everyone thinks you're better, and bam jsut like that end it, that'll show the bastards.

now what do the war and suicide have in common. well they both are just a thriving shit hole at this wonderful school called atech. not only are there dumbasses thinking that not getting into stanford is a suicidal act, but we also have people that simply will put, "yea, vote anarchy." i hate that goddamn school. i know second graders with a better understanding of military history than people at that school. you have no idea what crap it is to go to that school. and see i know that after my four year stay (if i can last that long) will not end well, i'll be forgotten by all, never see any of them again, and return to my writing. college would be nice by credentials don't much matter for a writer...

oh well...guess those were two things that had to be said...and this was bitching number 3 out of a few more to go...and as a few people have told me so far...some nameless people i never even knew, that apparently knew about my site for a while have said...if you'd like to "save" this site go ahead and make mention of it...shit its the only kind of flatter-ence...(flatulence...) that'll i'll be getting...

2003-03-26T16:08:00.000-08:00

and here is number two in the series of rants to come.

i'm getting fairly pissed off with people who make it their personal business to see what i'm doing at all times. god forbid i be writing, or "composing" or some stupid shit i do on a daily basis. oh well. it seems like i can never just be alone. see this is the opposite of the first thing i told you. when i was complaining about being alone in the world i bet you never saw this twist in the road coming. but yes...i...your humble narrator do like to be alone. and actually perfer it. so next time you see me alone...leave me alone.

let's see i did the whole alone thing today...my mind's all a mess...so yea...i did that...and let's see i've been kicked by "an unknown 'kicker'" now since this is the internet and sarcasm does not show very well i'll point it out...that my friends was sarcasm...see because i actually know who did it...no idea as to why they did but hey fuck it...what ever blows your skirt up and pulls your panties down is alright by me.

let's see what else is there to say...oh yes...i feel like i'm about to pass out and die. in fact i am scared out of my mind to fall asleep...thank god for my little friend mr. crazy larry...i had a bunch of sharpies during spanish today. at first it was fine to eat one of two things with sharpie on it but jesus a whole fucking cracker covered in green and black sharpie...god it hurt. not to mention i had my sleep drink the other day. i don't believe i ever wrote about it. so i think i will.

my sleep drink is a cup of milk with crushed up tylenol PMs in it along with like two shots of nyquil...of course served warm. :) but yea i like to drink these whenever i have the chance. and don't worry if any of you ever plan to try it...this is a nifty little fact...did you know that if you drink the right amount of milk when having sleeping pills that you can't kill yourself...its true...kind of funny in a way too...in which way i have no idea but i guess you sort of have to be there....

well i suppose thats it...must save more for tomorrow's bitching...and tomorrow's bitching might very well be the end of my "blogging" *career* so i do truly hope you've all enjoyed this writing bit...if anyone actually wants to keep me writing in this thing go ahead and let me know..if not...i'll bid you all adieu tomorrow...

2003-03-25T15:54:00.000-08:00

i really do hate being lied to.

yes this shall be one of many blogs to come. haha sounds dirty...moving on.

but as i said i really do hate beings lied to. and its not so much as people lying that i can't stand but its that they will even tell you that they are not lying. one thing i can do very well with this gulliver of mine is be able to point out when people are lying...call it a talent or a freakish appendage of the mind but i can do this with much ease.

i hate how people will tell me one thing, then tell another person another thing, and will stick with the other thing. that's what makes me feel so alone anymore. i know that my entire life i have been lied to. i will always be lied to. there is nothing i can do. well there is one thing i can do...and that is to say this, any person who has ever lied to me...and trust me i know when people have lied to me...anyone of those people i know is going to suffer dearly. i will make sure that they in fact know that i know they are lying.

joy oh joy.

well as i mentioned i said i felt alone in this world. and so i do. i'm done. there is no one for me to find. not a single damn person i can be near that i know is infact of to my liking. i pretty much hate everything and everyone. i suppose this is why i write. because i know that not a single damn person i know wants to hear me bitch like this. oh well...i don't even see why any of you read this damn thing...i would never read this. i never do read this. i just write stupid crap to come of the top of my head.

i know for sure that my life as we know it is over. there is nothing more i can do to actually save it. people hate me. i hate them. and you know the really sad part of this all...i actually clung to hope. i thought that maybe just maybe by some twist of fate and luck of the draw that there could be one more person out there that i would ever love. there's not. let me tell you that. when you love someone hold on to them man. i'll tell you this much...true love may come once in a thousand life times and when you hold it with someone i pray to god you can keep it with you.

for some reason that's been on my mind...love and snuffing it...why? hopefully i'll grow out of it.

26 poems...i've written than many in the past week. jesus harold christ am i a sad person or what? sad as in pathetic...not sad as in depressed.

i don't even know anymore. if you can learn but one thing out of reading anything i write i hope its that hope doesn't work. i've had hope for so long. i always thought that people were good enough to better themselves....that the basic unit of choice would ultimately solve everything. but no. fuck hope. anyone who clings to hope should die. hope is for people who can't stand the truth. if you believe in hope for solving a problem then you are most likely part of the problem. i'm tired of hope. i'm tired of everything. everyone's bullshit. everyone's hate for everyone else, so call me a hypocrit i don't care. i'm tired of making other people feel good. never has anyone just said something inheritly nice and good out of chioce. its all induced manners bullshit...and i don't even get that. i'm tired of this crap. i'm tired of everyone else's bullshit and i'm tired of mine. of all the times i wish i could die now wouldn't be half bad...but i'm not going to. you know why? god is having fun with me. i'm gonna live to be like 90 or something...just so he can laugh his fucking ass off and there is nothing i can do. oh well...might as well get over it right? not like bitching has ever solved any of my problems before...

so...if you'd kindly fuck off i'd much appreciate it. thank you.

2003-03-22T13:33:00.000-08:00

these are dedicated to a single person who ought to know who they are. so here they are just for you :)

There are some qualities--some incorperate things,
That have a double life, life which thus is made
A type of that twin entity which springs
From the matter and light, enviced in solid and shade.
Snow white her hands and golden her hair
She's the one, out in the emptiness
Where everything's pale
That I did see with an all in-companing loveliness.
And if I did dwell...
Where she
Had dwelt, and where I,
Did too
I'd sit here, yet to dwell.
A beautiful melody
That she sings so well,
And passionately.
Sings...
To the lovers wherein, in dreams, I see
The most beautiful singing birds
Of the lips, and all the melody
Aren't half as lovely as those words,
As she sings in that very dream,
While all the world chiding,
Has cheered me as a lovely beam
A lonely spirit guiding.
To love's labours lost
And loves forever found
At not such a cost
Could fate be bound.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inside the fire
Awakes a desire
Only for me to admire.

The fire I cannot touch
Though I'm tempted so much
I'm tempted with what I can't have
The spire I cannot feel
The satire all too real.
I'm tempted with what I can't have.

And so sadly sings destiny
In and out of my mind
With a fate I can already see
And with her is not to find.

Sadly sings destiny with all its many big choir
Sadly sings destiny for me, the poet; big liar.
Fate laughs with an all too big grin
And love's hate for me is already done in.

I can feel it getting nearer
With objects getting clearer.
The siloutte so defined
And yet I'm left so behind.
With only her in mind.
And yet I'm left so behind.

What will become of my dear friend
Will my actions be the end?
And will we ever
End up together?
...No I think not
It's never to become
For I am not the one...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By starlight I'll kiss you
And promise to be your one and only.
I'll make you feel happy
And leave you to be lost in mine.
And where will we go, what will we do?
Soon said I, we will know.
Dead eyes, are you just like me?
Cause her eyes were as vacant as the seas
Dead eyes, are you just like me?
And all along, we knew we'd carry on
Just to belong
By starlight I know you
As lovely as a wish granted true
My life has been empty, my life has been untrue
And does she really know, who I really am?
Does she really know me at last
Dead eyes, are you just like me?

2003-03-21T18:48:00.000-08:00

"prepare thine eyes
while your last brain cell dies"

i've been writing a lot of poetry (fag) lately. i have no idea why (lack of sex). but for some reason i just write (yea that's what i'll call it). and i've decided (got bored) to write about the war (manly) rather than my "poetry" (fagass-y). so let's get started (screwing each other....i wish).

first of all i most point out that i hate stupid people and people who don't know anything about anything here at atech or as that goes anywhere else in the world. anyone who thinks that WW2 was just a hoax or that george clinton was at one time the president of the united states of america is one that i deem politically stupid and i pay little or no attention to them at all. though they, themselves, might come into play through out the course of this wonderful typed rant of mine.

now this is cut down from 14 pages. i believe only one person read the shortened version (yes only one i remember now) and that was 8 pages because anything longer than that can't be sent through email...imagien that. this is cut don substantionally and there is little or no reason for you all to panic...so rather than panic prepare to get out your duct tape and gas masks as we read this war rant.

"a person suffers the war" true isn't it? and we are at war. war people...i know there are a lot of people in support of war and a lot of people who are not. but i'm getting pretty sick and tired of all of them...i hate war. i really do. there is not reason that so many people should die. i see the point of war....but still. but i also hate the people who are anti-war. all those soccer mom cunt bags...(soccer moms if i may point out are the worse lowest forms of shit...driving their big SUVs that their husbands are paying for...getting a mile to the gallon and bitching about how high the gas prices are) jesus. but now you have kids walking out of class to protest...like protesting (in LA) is actually going to do jack shit...and it sounds just a little too convenient for me to believe. i mean not only do the kids get to get out of class but they also get to do something that *might* "make a difference" its bullshit if you ask me...what ever happen to the way kids used to protest in school...they used to lock themselves in school and take over...now those were the days...not like now...see we need to do a little of the old IRA and start car bombing people in thos ter(rorist) countries...and i type ter(rorist) because is you listen to george bush he doesn't say terror...he says ter...so i show my support :)

but war....we're going to war...war...

in fact we're in what...code orange? high? something like that. i need my duct tape and gas masks. but that made me think. what would i do with a gas mask...if i really needed one id' never be able to get it on it time. i mean when it comes to it i can't even get a condom on when i try...(my business none of yours :) oh and be sure to stock up on water too...i need that...and gas...i've mentioned gas a lot in this entry. its mainly because i think the rise in gas is fucking stupid. there's no point for a gas rise except that the gas companies are cashing in...i mean the army is not going to be using and more gas than they already are...and we have an embargo with iraq already so that's not making any difference...its fucking stupid.

war....

i mean we're gonna send god knows how many people to their death. but its not like i can actualyl feel sad this war...no one has been drafted...no one has forced anyone into the army to fight...people are there on their own accord...fuck them "it's their life choice" so i can't feel too bad...my hat's off to them though...much braver than me...i'm a coward hippie fuck...i would do no one any good being in a fight...i'm like fucking gandhi...

oh well....really makes you think though...war....makes you think why i would waste my time writing this long ass thing rather than getting ready to duct tape my gas mask on...

2003-03-20T15:46:00.000-08:00

2003-03-19T15:43:00.000-08:00

i give up with this stupid thing....

2003-03-13T19:56:00.000-08:00

what have i done?
what have i done
how could i be so blind?
all's lost
where was i?
spoiled all...
spoiled all...
everything's gone all wrong.
what have i done?
what have i done?
find a deep cave to hide in,
in a million years they'll find me,
only dust and a plaque,
that reads: here lies poor old jack.
but i never intended all this madness
ever
and no one really ever understood
well how could they?
that all i've ever wanted
was to bring them something great
why does nothing ever turn out like it should
well...
what the hell?
i went in did my best
and my god i really tasted something swell
and for a moment, why,
i even touched the sky
and atleast i left some stories they can tell
i did
and for the first time since
i can remember when
i feel just like my old boney self again
and i, jack the pumpkin king...
that's right, i am the pumpkin king
and i just can't wait until next halloween
cause i've got some new ideas
that will really make them scream
and by god
i'm really going to give it all my might
uh oh
i hope there's still time
to...set...things...right...

2003-03-13T16:16:00.000-08:00

2003-03-06T19:36:00.000-08:00

yay yay yay, a song a song a song.

first song i've written with my new band. it includes my like 3 best friends in it. we a bassist, a guitarist, a drummer, and a cellist, not to mention like the other three will sing, they all have pretty voices, pretty voices for pretty people :) and everyone in the band can all play guitar, and we can pretty much play a lot of instruments. i hope this will produce us a lot of music. this one is pretty straight forward, we decided that it would be best to do an ode to April. this is the one part that has lyrics. there are three parts to it. very beautiful if i do say so. i'm usually not to proud of some of the stuff i write, both musically, and actually write, but this, this i am pretty proud of. we have yet to name the trio of songs, but that will be done later...not bad for 6 hours of work is it?

(this...is...jsut...to...expand...the...column...so...it...all...fits)

oh and before you get to the lyrics, i need to get in touch with the orchestra teacher. i have the most killer idea ever. you have no idea, this is just so fucking brilliant. i'm not usually one to boast, but this idea is not half bad...now on to the lyrics

| the bastard wind chills the night
| with a dark embrace
| the darkness creeps over the light
| to take away her face.

| obsessed with our love
| and given our fate
| of an unconventional love
| frozen in this cold winter date.

| but our love must forever last
| with death we shall not part
| for this one final shadow has been cast
| with this one death, is this broken heart.

| it seems like only yesterday
| our lives together planned
| they said it was a passing phase
| but they didn't understand.

| we were damned by our age
| but what we felt was real
| and we were damned by our age
| with the one thing we did forever feel.

| "this is the one last december
| mother you forced us here
| our one last december
| father you made us disappear
| the true last december
| oh there must be a way
| my one last december
| with one last step we will fade away"

| oh how i missed my love tonight
| with this one last thought i dare to tell
| how i missed my love tonight
| with this one thought that not another shall dwell
| how i missed my one love tonight
| how can i find my way out of this hell?
| how i missed my love tonight
| these are the tears that only now fell
| how i miss my one love tonight
| my heart you cannot sell
| how i miss my love tonight
| i was in love, can't you tell?
| ...how i miss my one true love...
| ...tonight...

2003-03-05T19:50:00.000-08:00

joy, the beautiful spark of the gods...

sha doobie do bah bah, la da bah di, beep beep.

i have no idea what i'm doing. i'm like...whoa, its weird.

let's (or me) type about my day, shall we? we shall. hmm first off, started with the morning wednesday ritual of playing the ol bassiwass in the hall in the morning. i like to do that. i especially like it when no people are around me. because people don't just sit around and act all casual like, no no no no. people always stand right next to you. and since they see you with an instrument they automatically want to see what you know. so people ask me some of the stupidest ass question as to what they want to hear. keep in mind i play a bass, and people ask me if i can play stairway to heaven, or something by some stupid "pop" punk band. and its never actually quality music they ask me to play. i've yet to hear someone ask me if i can play vivaldi's winter, bach's prelude in c, rachmaninoff's piano concerto in c# minor, beethoven's missa solennis, so on and so forth. why is it that as soon as someone sees you with some instrument they ask you to play something for them. fuck these people. i want to play my music, that's why i bought the stupid thing, now if they wanted to buy me a guitar and have me play all the stupid ass crap then sure, i'll do it, until then, piss off.

so yea i played in the morning. real treat. then went to my 7th period. boring in there. did nothing all day, joy.

after that moving experience, went to math. 4th period. meh, i can get my stuff done faster and better than anyone else in there. how sad is that? did nothign in there. got to listen to the jimi hendrix experience that someone brought in. that was cool.

lunch. not a half bad lunch. laughs like all the other lunches, but today i decided to chug my crazy larry from the morning in less than 30 seconds. now for you unfamiliar with a crazy larry i shall familiar-ize you. a crazy larry is a 16 oz energy drink. it has 3 1/2+ oz of pure sugar. it also has over 3 full grams of caffiene. now to relate this to figures you can use, think about it this way. the daily recommendation of caffiene is .6 grams. that's 5 times the amount in a single drink. and with all the sugar, they taste fairly good. now i'm going to tell you, people who claim to be able to down energy drinks and sleep afterward have never had anything like this. this will keep you awake for hours. notice i said you not me, you. so i decide to drink this little number in less than thirty seconds. needless to say after the first 6 it started to taste like burning. god it was painful. but i did it. i downed it all in 17 seconds. almost hurled afterwards. started seeing things that weren't there. best sugar high i've ever had.

after that it was on to spanish. got in trouble for translating "i left my fishing pole in the kitchen" yea thats right...that's how sad it is. i hate that teacher.

after spanish it was on to...technology. cad is actually pretty cool. i don't know, but for some reason i've always liked tools and shit, as do most "guys" problem is i am not much of a "guy." i write music, songs, (shrugh) poetry if time allots itself for such, not the manly type things i should do.

also along with that i should point out a thing i've been meaning to actually point out for a long time. people often know me for having that perverted sense of humor. i always say i don't intentionally make anything perverted, jsut some how when i say it, it automatically becomes perverted. but yes i do like that perverted humor. and yes i do "have" that perverted kind of humor, but sex is not the first thing my mind goes to, no no no no. my mind first goes to music. after that it will go to books. after that to movies. after that to dru....i mean sex. yea after movies its sex. so a lot is happening in that gulliver of mine when i say "ha you said come" its sad really that i stoop to such a level for kicks. but oh well. (wow look at how many times i typed perverted)

oh and if you have yet to hear the news by now, because apparently a lot of people seem to know what i talk about when i talk to people. i could say one thing to a friend and next thing i know people all the way across town know my name, what i look like, and what i did after school one day (seven times....) (see you perverts you are thinking sex right now since i said seven times) (if you weren't before...you are now....) (...pervert...) :) its weird though. one of my biggest "fears" is that i will die, or leave, or something, and the thing i'm remembered for is how i was a stupid perverted hippie stoner fuck. never will the name barry belmont be attributed to music, or books, or writing, or anything of that nature, no no no no. oh well, who am i to complain.

"life's just an aimless drive
that you take alone
might as well enjoy the ride
take the long way home."

2003-03-03T16:26:00.000-08:00

2003-02-27T19:22:00.000-08:00

well, with such a response of people yesterday i deem it necessary to keep up with my 'caffienated fury' i heard that somewhere, i can't remember where, but it does fit the moment, at the moment (in the moment).

it has been quite some time since i have got some nice wonderul sleep. sleep does not come to this weary soul. and in so doing, i've written a lot of good stuff, i suppose...or should i (i shall) rephrase that. not good, per se but more to my liking. see i like when i write all weird like this, all these thoughts, that are not thought of by now, are thought of. let me explain, or, perhaps, try to, that is to say. see i have a muse, as do most of you, most likely, (its that imaginary little thing that sparks up your imagination...that's a good redundancy. something created by the mind for the mind to help the mind...joy). and my muse, my muse has been 'tickling' me a lot lately. she has given me ideas about this, and she has given me ideas about that. and i want to know where all of it came from, could it be perhaps this lack of sleep of mine? or am i 'on a roll' whatever the case may be, i like it.

hmm, what to write now? oh i know, i'll put down some lyrics that i made for a song that i wrote, and that me and my friend performed. we just need a piano player, and a guitarist, and it would be completely perfect, but a bass and a cello do just fine. and a cello, by the way, is the next instrument i plan to *conquer* i'm gonna learn it come hell or high (bong) water. so here are those wonderful little lyrics. keep in mind that the music this is for is more over a celtic, trippy, classical, baroque kind of piece. so the lines are something along the lines of the rhythmic pattern of say poe or shakespeare, so do try to read it at that kind of irregular flowing rhythm, would you please?

(but...first...i...am....going...to...expand...the...thingy...by...doing...this...trust...me)

| I have raised and poised a fiddle
| Which, will you lend it ears,
| Will utter music's model:
| The music of the spheres.

| By God, I think not Purcell
| Nor Arne could match my airs.
| Perfect beyond rehersal
| The music of the spheres.

| Not that its virtue's vastness--
| The terror of drift of stars.
| For the subtlety and softness
| The music of the spheres.

| The spheres that feed its working,
| Their melody swells and soars
| On thinking of your marking
| The music of the spheres.

| This musings and this fear's
| Work on your maiden years.
| Why shut longer your ears?
| Look, how the live earth flowers!
| The land speaks of my intent:
| Bear my accompaniment.

| For lose all your fears
| In the music of the spheres...

i put those thingy things to see if i could get the spacing the way i wanted it, let's see if it worked, and there you have it for now, oh and if you by this time have not read, read below, for a few more poems my muse 'hath' brought to me.

2003-02-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

me, barry, that is to say, (where was) i am beginning to notice a few things. (not a lot but a few) <(and that shall do for the time being).

but what this time. this time i shall address that wonderful little issue on a few of your 'blogs' well actually only candy's. and if i may just branch out on this topic i'd like to simply point out that certain people have gotten to the point of being jealous of two people 'in love.' now if i may ask, and so i shall (even without permission to, because keep in mind, you dumbass, that you are still reading this, so why not go the full nine and keep right on at it). i am going to ask my un-anain reader, that is to say you, if it is even in the least bit conceivable that the human mind should reach such a level. or is it just you angst-y nadsats that are doing it. getting jealous because one person, who you think is pretty, sexy, hot, beautiful, gorgeous, and what not (and we all know that i'm refering to justin in such a case of events...that ought to make a few of you cringe)...whatever it may be, but because that *hot* person 'likes/loves' someone else, you make it your personal "crusade" to make them what? look bad together? embarrassed to be with each other? what is it? by you typing such nonsense as:

Candy: i'm a slut
justin: oh i know you are...

..and such...what the hell is that going to do? i mean honestly. it would seem to have never occured to the jack offs doing this that not only are you ruining your 'chances' with either of them, but making yourself look like the secretive (lucrative) not to mention vindictive little prick we all know you to be. do you get off by that kind of nonsense. and if you do, try jerking it to a horse, that might be a great new exploration for you to make in the ever lasting search to find your true karma.

...now...now that that is out of my system lets get to the real bitching.

because of all that i have mentioned in the above type there have been long lasting fights, threats, meaningless words typed through a phone line, so be it, it has been done. now if i may point this sceanario out; you people are sitting, not standing, probably even leaning back a tad, but all the while, sitting, at home, in your room, or something of the nature, a room nonetheless, sealed off from all other human contact, unless you're annoying ass little sibling decides to make a twit of themselves, sitting there (leaning back) in a room, staring at a screen, a glass screen, with plastic or possibly even metal around it. sitting there, leaning back, looking at the glass screen encased in plastic (or metal) that flashes little images at you. sitting there leaning back in a room staring at a flashing glass screen, encased with plastic (or possibly even metal) typing, which is really nothing more than slapping on a piece of plastic at different locations. sitting there, leaning back, in a room, hitting your plastic, while staring at you flashing plastic covered glass screen. with all this, some how you guys go into, threats, threats through the plastic. what's wrong with you? now with all of this, i have absolutely no intent of telling you how you should "kick someone's ass" or even how to threaten them from miles away. i will not tell you how to do it for two reasons; wanna know the two reasons? (doesn't matter anyway right? i mean come on you've read this far, keep going...come on...come on). the first of the reasons is; that i myself am not much of a fighter, if i were to get in a fight i'd probably die. i admit, i am a pussy. not much of a fighter. and in so (not) being, i have no idea how you actually *should* fight. i would think you'd want to do it face to face, but if miles between the two people blows your skirt up then all to ya man. the second reason? because i don't believe in solving the problem. i like to show whats wrong with it. if you think there's hope for solving a problem, then, you most likely are part of the problem. fuck hope, hope sucks.

and with that, i bid you all adieu...

2003-02-26T15:46:00.000-08:00

holding back the fool again
holding back the fool pretnds
i forget to forget nothing is important
holding back the fool again
i forget to forget me
i forget to forget you see
nothing is important to me
i knew my loss
before i even learned to speak
and all along
i knew it was wrong
but i played along...
but now
now
i'm never coming back
i'm never giving in
i'll never become the shine in your spit
i disconnect the act
i disconnect the dots
i disconnect the me in me
and if you're mistaken
its you that's faking
living and breathing
and dying too
this message is for anyone
who dares to hear a fool
you can't bring me back
you can't bring me back
cause i give it all back to you.
destroy the mind
destroy the body
but you cannot destroy the heart
and you
you make me so i need to disconnect
and you
make it so real
i don't need your love to disconnect
and to my mistakes
to my mistakes of cowardice
of the truth
and consequence
of turning back
facing forward
and living in the past.
but is it too late to turn back now?
i'm running out of sound
and i am changing
changing
and if we died right now
this fool you love somehow
is here with you
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
would you leave me to?